My School Days

"Saas bhi kabhi Bahu thhi,

Teacher bhi kabhi Student thhi."

Every teacher was once a student. Even I was one and today I am going to narrate a few naughty incidents from my school days.

Our Maths teacher was Goopi. We called him by that nickname because of his uncanny similarity to Tapen Chatterjee, the actor who played the lead role of 'Goopi' in Satyajit Ray's movie 'Goopi Gain Bagha Bain'. Goopi must have thought he was hero material, hence he attended school in designer dhoti-punjabi in the typical style of a Bengali bridegroom. With the passage of time he changed his attire to Denim jeans and colourful t-shirts with messages like Big Boys Play at Night printed on them.

Every day Goopi asked my friend Sami to solve sums on the blackboard. It had become such a habit for him that he called out her name even on the days she was absent from school. Sami got so tired of this daily routine that once she even asked, "Why always me Sir? There are others too in the class." To which Goopi replied, "Because I want you to improve in Maths." Poor Sami failed to understand why, among so many students, Goopi chose only her to improve.

One day we were making such a ruckus in the Maths class that Goopi decided to punish us.

"All of you will stay back after school and solve all the sums of Chapter 40," he said.

We were crestfallen. There were fifty-eight sums in Chapter 40! When Goopi entered our class after school hours some of the students shouted "Goopi" in a chorus. Sami's voice was the loudest, hence Goopi confronted her.

"What did you say just now?"

"What Sir?" Sami feigned ignorance.

"Don't try to act smart. You just called me Goopi."

"No Sir."

"Yes, you did. What's your father's name?"

"Jyotirindra Ganguly."

"How would you feel if someone addresses your father as 'Jooti'?" (Jooti means shoe)

"Someone does Sir," replied Sami with a broad smile. "Grandma does call my father Jooti."

The students went into splits of laughter and Goopi left the class in a flurry.

Five minutes later he returned with the Principal. The situation appeared very serious. Principal Sir frowned at us and said in a grave voice, "Students, your Goopi Sir has complained that you always create disturbance in his class. Is that true?"

Unbelievable! Did the Principal say 'Goopi Sir'? We looked at each other in utter bewilderment. Goopi became beetroot red in embarrassment. By that time the Principal had also realised his slip of tongue and looked equally embarrassed. He mumbled something about a meeting and left the class in a hurry followed by Goopi. We ran homewards in relief.

Our Economics teacher was Panchu. I had no idea why the students called him by that nickname but Panchu he was to one and all. Once someone hung an old, dirty shirt from the blackboard and wrote 'Panchu's Shirt' under it. When Panchu saw it he did not question anyone. Instead, he threw the shirt into the waste bin and wiped the board with the duster. Then he took a surprise test (a punishment test, to be precise) and patiently waited for someone to cheat. Suman did and was caught red-handed. Panchu made his guardian call on the following day. After school, Suman returned home and conveniently forgot about the guardian call. He remembered while leaving for school the following morning. He told his mother to meet Panchu during tiffin period and hurriedly left before she could ask any questions.

His mother arrived at the school at the appointed time. Not finding Suman she called a floor attendant and said, "Will you please call Panchu Sir? He has asked me to see him." The attendant knew who Panchu was. Hence without asking any questions, he called Panchu. When he came she folded her hands and said, "Namaskar Panchu-babu, I am Suman's mother." Panchu scowled at her and said, "For your kind information, my name is not Panchu. I'm Mr. Sinha." Saying so he returned to the staffroom. He was so pissed off that he forgot about the purpose of his guardian call. When we asked Suman why he hadn't told his mother Panchu's actual name, he said, "How could I? I myself didn't know his real name." Come to think of it, neither did we!

ADG used to teach us Science. Like a typical male chauvinist, he thought that girls did not have the intelligence to understand Science. He never even asked them questions in the class. But he was not lenient towards the boys either. When they failed to answer his questions he would make them stand outside the class holding their ears.

ADG was the strictest guard in an exam hall. Let alone cheating, no one could even turn his/her head during exams. We fervently prayed that ADG should never be our guard. Such terror he created among students. Once a boy of the tenth standard cleverly outwitted ADG in the exam hall.

Our Annual Exam was going on. It was the day of History exam and we cursed our luck when ADG entered the exam hall. Any hope of hall collection was shattered. The exam began. Hardly fifteen minutes had passed when ADG suddenly left his chair and hastened towards a boy sitting in the first bench. Holding the boy by his ear ADG forced him to stand up. Then he inserted his hand inside the boy's desk and pulled out a bunch of torn pages from his History book. More such pages were found hidden inside the pockets of his trousers, the folds of his shirt sleeves and even inside his socks! In fact the entire book was discovered in parts. ADG confiscated the book and the boy's answer sheet and started scolding him.

"Sumantra, how dare you cheat under my nose! Do you know you can even get a TC for this? And how could you tear your History book like that? Don't you feel ashamed of yourself?"

"What are you talking about Sir?" replied Sumantra in a cool voice. "That book is not mine."

"I don't care!" ADG barked. "I caught you copying from that book and the whole class saw it."

"I did not copy Sir," replied Sumantra. "You can ask the others."

ADG was shocked by Sumantra's guts and so were we. It was evident that Sumantra was gambling with his luck depending on the students' general dislike for ADG. Luckily for him, it paid off. ADG looked at us and said, "All of you saw what just happened. Sumantra is now denying everything. Hence one of you must come with me to the Principal's room to stand witness for me."

No one made any response. ADG pointed his finger at Som and said, "You there! Come with me."

Som slowly got up and replied, "Sorry Sir, but I was so busy with the exam that I saw nothing."

His reply was repeated by one and all. We were 'busy with our exams' and hence 'saw nothing'.

This non-cooperation from the students left ADG in an awkward situation. Nevertheless, he took Sumantra to the Principal but returned within a short period. It was apparent that without a witness he had lost the battle. Like a defeated soldier he returned the answer sheet to Sumantra and said, "You think that you're very clever, don't you? Don't you forget that my time will also come."

"Who says I'm clever Sir?" Sumantra replied with a slight smile. "Had it been so then I would have never been caught by you."

It was Sumantra's good luck that there were no CCTVs during that time. Otherwise he would have been in a soup. Anyway, after that incident he became a hero in school. Firstly, it needed guts to cheat in ADG's class and that too sitting in the first bench. Secondly the cool way in which he handled the situation was indeed praiseworthy. The students, especially the girls, were glad that finally someone had outwitted the arrogant ADG. Poor ADG's 'time' never came as Sumantra soon passed out from the school with flying colours.

Rakti-pishi used to teach us History. She was a fair, plump lady with a shrill, raven-like voice that totally mismatched with her appearance. Her aunt-like look earned her the name 'Pishi'. She was always in a bad mood and loved to shout at her students.

One day she said that she might not come to school on the following day, but in case she came, she would take a test. She told us to come prepared. After she left we discussed among ourselves and concluded that she would not come and hence felt no necessity to prepare for the test.

The next day during tiffin break, my friend Bonnie and I were on our way to the canteen. Bonnie thought that she was pleasantly plump with a healthy appetite, but in truth, she was grossly overweight with a gluttonous appetite. The canteen was her most favourite place in school and she often forced me to accompany her there. It was one of those days.

While hurrying down the staircase I suddenly caught sight of Rakti-pishi entering the staff room. Almost simultaneously Bonnie slipped from the staircase and started rolling down. Luckily the stairs were few and she was not much hurt. But she could not get up without help. I tried, but since I was not a weight lifter I needed added help to get her up on her feet. A few boys of class eleven were standing near us. They were almost next to tears with laughter. I asked them to help me. It needed two of them to pull her up. I had thought that Bonnie was unnerved by the sight of Rakti-pishi and hence missed a step. But I was wrong. After getting up she adjusted her skirt, gave the boys a dirty look and said, "Stupids! Idiots! Rascals!"

I was shocked at her behaviour and asked why she bad-mouthed those helpful boys. In reply she said, "Helpful indeed! The rascal who 'helped' me to get up was the one who inserted his leg into mine and made me trip over." I couldn't control my laughter anymore.

I shall end with the story of our PT teacher who was famous for his 'knowledge' in English. Here are a few examples:

"Don't make noise. Principal is vibrating in the corridor."

"Open the window. Let the climate come in."

"I talk he talk, why you middle talk?"

I still miss my golden days of school. I try to find a glimpse of those days in my students but realise that gone are those carefree days of childhood. Burdened with a huge syllabus the students find no time to go out and play. They go out only to attend tutorials or private tuitions. From childhood, they are thrown into a rat race where they don't even know whether they are coming or going. In the process, they are missing out on the pleasures of their childhood days. It's important to maintain a balance in life. Education in meant for enhancing knowledge of children, not pressurize them. Let the children enjoy their childhood and leave the target fulfillment for their future corporate life.