Notes From The Underground 51

And then followed a burlesque narrative of how this gen-tleman had almost been married two days before. There was not a word about the marriage, however, but the story was adorned with generals, colonels and kammer-junk-ers, while Zverkov almost took the lead among them. It was greeted with approving laughter; Ferfitchkin positively squealed.

No one paid any attention to me, and I sat crushed and humiliated.

‘Good Heavens, these are not the people for me!’ I thought. ‘And what a fool I have made of myself before them! I let Ferfitchkin go too far, though. The brutes imag-ine they are doing me an honour in letting me sit down with them. They don’t understand that it’s an honour to them and not to me! I’ve grown thinner! My clothes! Oh, damn my trousers! Zverkov noticed the yellow stain on the knee as soon as he came in .... But what’s the use! I must get up at once, this very minute, take my hat and simply go without a word ... with contempt! And tomorrow I can send a challenge. The scoundrels! As though I cared about the seven roubles. They may think .... Damn it! I don’t care about the seven roubles. I’ll go this minute!’

Of course I remained. I drank sherry and Lafitte by the glassful in my discomfiture. Being unaccustomed to it, I was quickly affected. My annoyance increased as the wine went to my head. I longed all at once to insult them all in a most flagrant manner and then go away. To seize the mo-ment and show what I could do, so that they would say, ‘He’s clever, though he is absurd,’ and ... and ... in fact, damn them all!

I scanned them all insolently with my drowsy eyes. But they seemed to have forgotten me altogether. They were noisy, vociferous, cheerful. Zverkov was talking all the time. I began listening. Zverkov was talking of some exu-berant lady whom he had at last led on to declaring her love (of course, he was lying like a horse), and how he had been helped in this affair by an intimate friend of his, a Prince Kolya, an officer in the hussars, who had three thousand serfs.

‘And yet this Kolya, who has three thousand serfs, has not put in an appearance here tonight to see you off,’ I cut in suddenly.

For one minute every one was silent. ‘You are drunk al-ready.’

to be contd...