Random Scribblings

Here I sit in darkness scrolling our old messages those late night chats, those huge talks were all remembered. I opened the closet many letters rushed out, I read them again and again yet not satisfied, I wrote a new letter and kept it separate so that I can give it to you when we meet again.

There was a smile on my lips as I wrote those new letters but I failed to realize you were too far and you have left me years ago. As usual, I again starred at my mobile hoping for a message from you, my phone is now on ring mode hoping I get a call from you and to hear your voice again.

The pale light soothed my heart, I sit, work, talk like a dead one. I always experience a sudden tornado that raises in my heart which sleeps after a loud continuous cry..! The silence and emptiness are constant. My effort was like a spider web- I tried and tried to hold you but when I finally succeeded I fell in your trap, as you escaped leaving me. I was too tired waiting for your attention, emotions made fun of me, memories laughed at me.

Why? What was my mistake? Why did you even come into my life? Did I even ask you? Why did you leave? Don't I please you? Don't I love you? Wasn't I beautiful? Was I bad?

What attracted you more? Wasn't I the one you wanted? Did you even love me or her? If it was her why did you choose me? You rammed me with your love- was that fake? Holding your hand for the last time my tears spilled out like a fountain, I broke into pieces in a moment.

I will continue with my pain, I don't want to close my eyes as I couldn't see you, my eyes still want to memorize and recall your picture only your picture before I could sleep but I wake up with nightmares.

Numbness is slowly spreading in my body like a sweet poison, I am unable to breathe, yet I fight every night to stay without you. I don't need a wave that can bring me near you I have learned to be alone, I have learned to value my pain, I shall continue learning to value darkness...