Let her go!

Sometimes, we tend to take our loved ones for granted. We feel we have enough time with them and we never appreciate them when we have a chance. We never tell them how much we love them. Even as I write or think about my late grandmother, my eyes are filled with tears. She left for her heavenly abode on the 5th of April 2018, leaving behind many wise lessons and many beautiful memories. Which reminds me of the bitter truth - Whoever comes into this world has to go, sometime or the other. Some may go early, some may go late. Your time is destined. You just don’t know when God might call and when you might have to leave. Whether you want to or not.

My paternal grandmother was a fighter. In the true sense. My father told me that she had undergone innumerable operations ever since he was in Class 5 or Class 6. And she always bounced back and returned, just like the fighter that she was. This time as well, when she was admitted to the hospital, I thought she would return. But, unfortunately for me, God had other plans. It is really difficult to come to terms with the fact that she is no more. It is as if she has just gone somewhere for a visit and will return after some time. It is hard for me or for anyone in our family to describe her in the past tense. Maybe because we all spent a lot of time with her and shared some beautiful moments together.

Frankly speaking, what I shared with my granny was a love-hate relationship. I argued and fought with her at times, while simultaneously, I cared about her. The golden words she said are still fresh in my mind. “ You are behaving as if you are my mother-in-law.” To which, I would either laugh or ignore her remarks. She loved eating mangoes among all the fruits. During the peak mango season, she would leave the food aside and only want to eat mangoes for her meals. At times, she would say weird things like seeing fresh fish being dried on the opposite terrace or seeing large apples hanging on the tree, the tree actually being a coconut tree. She would remember her past experiences and ask innocent questions, to which we would have no answers. Sometimes, she would be very sharp and attentive and other times, she would be lazy and not bother much.

The best part, or rather the most astonishing part about her, was that she was extremely alert till she died. Even though she had tremendous difficulty in speaking during her last days, she would express her emotions through her eyes. She would respond whenever we asked her questions. Her mind was alert even though her body was weak.

My granny always believed in giving to others, especially the poor. She would usually keep some portion of her food aside and give it to her maid. Throughout her life, she lived like a queen. My grandpa loved her immensely. As a kid and a young teenager, I have seen him giving her medicines in her hand. Whenever he asked her for her opinion on whether to eat or not, I would usually say, “ Pappa, you have spoiled your wife too much. If you keep on asking such questions, your wife will sit on your head.” To which my granny would say, “ Why are you being so jealous?” I shared many such moments with her that I can’t even remember right now. While we had our hate moments, we had our love moments as well. She had once expressed her desire to see me as a bride. But, unfortunately, that wish of hers couldn’t be fulfilled.

She bid farewell to the world, clearly conveying to all of us that her time had come. She died due to multiple organ failure as her heart, lungs and kidney stopped functioning and she faced difficulty in breathing. She was put on a semi-ventilator for a few days till my family members could take a decision. The doctors had given us a clear answer. “ There is no hope. Her condition won’t change. It is better if you allow her to go in peace. It’s best if you don’t give her more pain than what she is actually suffering.” It was truly difficult watching her helpless and fighting between her life and death. If she had died a natural death, we wouldn’t have to take a call. But because she was on a ventilator, we had to decide whether we wanted her to stay or go. With a heavy heart, we asked the doctors to take her off the life supporting machine. My father describes this decision as the most difficult decision of his life.

Letting your mother go right in front of your eyes isn’t an easy task. It requires tremendous courage and my granny’s four kids took a mutual decision. Her life was dependent on the machine and she was in immense pain. It was easier to let her go rather than watching her suffer every single minute. My grandmother’s journey reminds me one thing which we all need to realize.

We come empty-handed and we go empty-handed. Then why do we fight with each other over property, money and other material things? Why don’t we realize that material things may give us temporary pleasure, but never permanent happiness? You should embrace life with good relations, good friends and a humble attitude. Learn to enjoy the good moments whenever they come. Remember, the best things in life always come unplanned. Spend it with your loved ones whenever you get a chance. Who knows what might happen when? The future is uncertain and may never come. Never let disagreements turn into major fights. Learn to forgive and forget and the rest will just fall in place.