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It has been a couple of years since we drifted apart, What should have been a worth every heartbeat relation turned out to be just another heartache.

That time took a lot of things away from me, literally drove me to the edge of happiness to brinks of Insanity. It took me months to calm and compose myself, more than 6 months to smile properly, let alone breathe.

It was that time when working was not an efficient distraction, that was the time I took to reading.

Reading lots of books, new and old alike.

As the list grew so did my vocabulary and So did my ability to apprehend and comprehend a situation.

Here is where I realized my biggest mistake, that led to our split was the fact that I tried too much, cared too much, love too much, and tried to live every moment to regret that later.

Not for a moment did I regret loving him, No I didn't. He was the best thing that I ever smiled upon. Well as long as it lasted.

I Should have left when the first time I found the fun stuff happening. but I couldn't and that happened to be my undoing. I thought loving harder and trying more things to prove myself would change the game. 

I tried things I am not proud of just to prove how much I needed him, how much I loved and that happened to be my undoing.

I remember trying to text him a week later just to explain myself, I never understood why did I text. Now when I look back I realized things would have been much different had I just left him to live his own life, or just left when he told me he needs a break, No overthinking, no deep thoughts, just a long walk without turning back.

I should have. Trust me if I could have, I would have.

Reading and writing was my escape from reality.

When I was reading I was creating a world of possibilities and impossibilities, seeing clearly how things were walking towards a cliff rather than how I saw it. Nothing happens suddenly.

All was planned, thought-out as if each step was an exit plan the more I read, the more I realize that those books were my exit route.

Had I quit reading I would have succumbed to depression of that spiral of negativity just as he used to describe me. 

Now that I read more, write more, give back more to society I realize how important that split was for me. 

I am finally at peace with myself. Without needing to prove anything to someone or without being bothered about their interference and inference. I am at peace, knowing how I overcame everything which I once thought impossible, build back mindset for reading and writing once claimed bankrupt.

Build a life I once envied others living. 

Now that I think, I find my peace thinking how things would have been, had I been living a life you don't like because you cannot afford to lose that person.

I do miss him times and again but then looking back at things bring me back to reality where the only way I know is forward enjoying everything the unknown universe throws at me where who knows we might drift back together or Someone new might catch my drift.

Till then I have some memories to get rid of.