A small word

A small word was all I had to say

But it was a difficult word, so, I swallowed it away

It kept buzzing in my throat causing a lump

Wanting to come out, yet too scared to jump

It sank deep into my heart as it became my regret

I thought it's a matter of time, then I would forget.

But I swallowed more of it, as I kept smiling

Each time I hid it in my heart, it just kept piling 

I thought I was wise in gulping the word

It had better be hidden than be heard

By doing so, I thought I was saving a sinking ship

After all, my reward would be the saved relationship

What had I gained, and what had I lost ?

What had I saved, and at what cost? 

Was it a relationship which I saved from dying?

Or was I holding its shadow after all the lying?

With nothing to save and nothing to behold

I decided to let it out when it needed to be told

The next time, out it came shooting like an arrow

With a great relief I heard from myself, a resounding NO!