A Wasted Day .....A Wasted Heart Again!

We say, “We moved on”.

Do we really mean that or just something to be presuming to coping up? 

Today, I seen ‘Him’ after a long time, the same awkward encounter…loss of words, butterflies inside, faking, 'how are you, ‘yes, I am good’ blah blah. He was coming out of the gym, sweaty…gush of the familiar whiff. I wish, I wanted to hug him tightly. Hurriedly he left and, I entered my office, after a non-ending drive of just 3 longest minutes. I immediately looked myself in mirror after entering my room. I was looking good, the same where we ‘left’, we used to look.

Thank God!

Next the whole day, I am sure I will be in a kind of distract mood…unnecessary laughing…. a kind of sadness in the background…expecting, maybe he drops a message, like he done before too or he might be disturbed well as me or might be ‘just nothing’…out of sight, out of mind kind…who knows! Today the ‘pop-ups’ sounding too annoying on phone. Because this time the duration is quite long.

But I am disturbed in a messy way. I cannot work today properly, and I will feel hungry unnecessarily, would like to eat something spicy, sweet with lots of brown oozing chocolates or cheesy that will subdue my mood into normal slowly, gradually! Why I lose sanity! And again, I have done the blunder. I checked his profile picture once again and again. Anything changed! I am checking after long time. He changed his profile picture, which he hadn’t change for a while. Actually, he is looking thin, but good. Is it because he found someone, or he just moved on! How could he come out from a relation who lasted 5 years.7 months? Come on…he cannot. Or did him!!

Then what’s there holding still on and on…why time or say destiny plays such cruel co-incidences! Why we meet to write certain chapters! I don’t need lectures on lessons or wisdom; I want to keep every good and sour memory just like “memories” in one of the pinned Memory folders. Let’s time heal…we do not have any damn option, other than Time to heal, to cover the patch and to just presume, “Move on”. There is no past tense for ‘Move-on’. It will be there always in the form of certain ways, either in lyrics, food, play list, particular spot, some familiar perfume, color of the brand, or some face or the way someone says the same thing after years!

The word ‘haunt’ is unbearable. There is no such word again, called ‘Closure’. Unloving is much tougher than hating.

A wasted heart…