Depression - A Deep Hole...

In the moments of seclusion within my mind, I track down refuge within nostalgic memories to evoke to myself that life can be cruel, but kind.

I long to stockpile more wealth,

I love too hard and agonize about others more than I do my own health.

There were times when I think about all that I've consummated,

But then become consumed by how far away I am from my goals.

A sombre feeling overcomes me,

Where I feel lost,

Where I feel annihilated,

It becomes a dark pit within my fiery soul.

The tears I have shed over the days,

Create new ones to raise all of the haze.

Creates, fears that disconnect me from what is real or what is not,

Fears that benchmark me and tell me to just sit back and rot.

There is a melancholic solace when I shut my eyes to sleep,

Forgetting all my worries, just remembering the kind words of my love and cuddling a peace I wish to keep.

It's not like I want to pass time feeling this way,

It just feels like I am lost at sea,

Trying to swim and find the shore day after day.

Have you ever forlornly stared at the ceiling?

Searching for answers that dont seem to want to come,

Thinking & thinking to point that u want to give up & just run.

Deep down, I feel so alone, lost& broken, that it feels like my hope doesn't want to grow.

I sigh, I cry, I scream, I try, and it feels like my energy doesn't want to refresh, 

So I am plunge, feeling like dead flesh.

Oh, how I wish I could make the problems, the tensity and perturbations disappear,

Remove all my demons and delete all my fears.

Just me abhorring myself & everything I do,

So I wallow,

And this sorrow, 

With a little hope for a better tomorrow.

A hefty feeling has made its place on my chest and has made me doubt if I am even up for the test.

Maybe there is a luminosity at the end of the tunnel, if I keep propelling my way forward,

Maybe one day I will feel less coerced and not so cornered.

I will just keep my belief alive, keep my chin up, and try to enter the happy club.

And will continue the pursuit of happiness and hope for the best 

Just like all of the rest.