I, The Creator
I, The Creator
Out of hopelessness comes creativity!
Someone remarked, casually. And sarcastically.
Could it be the same for everyone?
All the “creators”- are they really hopeless?
Could they be? I wondered.
Possible, I nodded to myself.
No wait, what do you mean?
I mean if it’s true, isn’t pathetic?
Felt vividly familiar somehow
Wasn’t I “creative” once?
It’s your talent, I thought I heard then
Or was it a dream?
But I was hopeless back then, I’m sure
Okay, I don’t know what it is
My defenseless mind concluded.
Some things are just like that.
Sure yet unsure, congruous yet hallucinatory
Nameable yet unfathomable
Things like what?
Depression? Panic? Anxiety? Flashbacks?
Or this inexplicably weird pain that gets relieved when I go to friends -
(Not “them”- I meant the series)
Makes me laugh hard, and then laughing gets hard
But if it’s hard, is that a laugh?
Again unsure, regardless, it’s hard.
All these random thoughts going on inside me
Fluid yet solid
Exposing my inner vulnerabilities
Pondering or rather trying to establish
Am I Creative? Or am I Hopeless?
Again unsure.
But you exist, I reassured myself.
Yes I do. I surely see things around
A candle burning near me
Tears rolling down my eyes
One on its own, the other unknown. Like my life.
Wish I could be the candle and burn along with it
Why am I doing this?
Forcing myself to be Creative
Convincing not to try being Nothing
For I know I am not the former, as it exactly means.
‘Cause that’s what I was told.
I wish I could be a “Creator”,
And invent “I”, with Hope
And be called Creative, as it exactly means.
I know, time will come
Tears will roll and roll down as I giggle.
Candles will burn again and I’ll look at it
Wishing I could burn along
And give hope to other candles around
Lighting up their existence as I burn bright within
I know now, time will come soon
When I am sure of what I am- believing in myself and
Being aware of my emotions, needing no labels whatsoever
I can then nod to myself with pride
And call Myself a Creator,
Who created Me
And made Me and I the hope for each other.