Life

Today you are you, that is truer than true,

There is no one alive who is you-er than you,

You know the world is going crazy,

When the best rapper is a white guy,

The best golfer is a black guy,

The tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,

The Swiss hold America's cup.

France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance,

Germany doesn't want to go to war,

And the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?

Believe nothing you hear,

And only one half that you see,

Lord, what fools these mortals be,

The world is a tragedy to those who feel,

But a comedy to those who think,

Life is a comedy to those who think,

A tragedy to those who feel,

You are a manipulator,

I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humour and hurt.

We’re so self-important,

Everybody’s going to save something now,

Save the trees,

Save the bees,

Save the whales,

Save those snails.

And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet,

Save the planet,

We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet,

I’m tired of this shit.

I’m tired off-ing Earth Day,

I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists,

These white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is that there aren’t enough bicycle paths,

People trying to make the world safe for Volvos,

Besides, environmentalists don’t give a shit about the planet,

Not in the abstract they don’t,

Do you know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live,

Their own habitat,

They are worried that someday in the future,

They might be personally inconvenienced,

Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

We’re going away,

Pack your shit, folks,

We’re going away,

And we won’t leave much of a trace, either,

Maybe a little Styrofoam,

The planet’ll be here,

We’ll be long gone,

Just another failed mutation,

Just another closed-end biological mistake,

An evolutionary cul-de-sac,

The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.

The planet will be here for a long,

Long, long time after we are gone,

It will heal itself,

It will cleanse itself, because that’s what it does,

It’s a self-correcting system,

The air and the water will recover,

The earth will be renewed.

A drug is not bad,

A drug is a chemical compound.

A tragedy is a tragedy,

And at the bottom, all tragedies are stupid,

Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy,

You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more,

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.