MAYBE IF

Something has changed. It doesn't feel like me anymore.

From running a 'love yourself' group online to hating myself more. 

Having so called 'friends' to being alone,

Maybe if I liked you less, I might be able to talk about it more.

My insomnia is haunting me,

I don't remember the last time I got a good night's sleep.

I wish I could stop myself from crying to my pillow, 

Maybe if I never met you, I wouldn't be this hollow. 

I'm this close to breaking down, 

And I don't think that I can be as happy as I used to be, 

And maybe it's my fault that I let everyone in so easily. 

Maybe if I believed in cynicism, I wouldn't show such leniency. 

Maybe for once it would have felt nice to take a break. 

I have been tired of being everyone's emotional sponge cake. 

Sometimes I wonder if there's anyone at all who can show compassion. 

Well, I guess I have to act happy in order to be in fashion. 

Behind my fake smile, do u know that your words are killing me slowly?

Maybe if u weren't so obsessed with your looks u would have noticed me change quickly. 

Maybe If I start smiling more, it will feel better. 

But in the end I'll always be the imposter. 

I can't leave my fake friends alone because the fear of being left alone and sad haunts me more than my dignity. 

My hatred towards them crawls inside of me. 

I wonder if I can ever be strong enough to them how, 

I feel being crept by my overthinking and lack of trust. 

Maybe I have you to thank for making me like this. 

Maybe if I could change myself, 

Maybe if I stop hating myself, 

Maybe if I could clear you from my head, 

I'll find HAPPINESS. 

But what good it will do if I'm left alone standing in the darkness?