Privileges

And just like that

Within the blink of an eye

They were taken away

All the normal things

We never noticed were

Actually privileges.

Because lying on my bed 

At night

And day and night again and day again

For I don't really know

Know the date.

I do but I refuse to understand

The complex, tangled story

Of predictions

And theories

And allegations

Of suffering, of survival

Of strength, of wealth

Of death, of life

 I refuse to not acknowledge 

This pain in me 

This fear and longing and despair.

Because even if you say I'm lucky

I know I am not

None of us is, we may be less unfortunate than some

But what we are is unfortunate.

And I refuse to not feel

The absence of simple things

Of things I never noticed

But actually were, privileges

Of the touch of someone's skin

The warmth of his breath 

All those hands in a single plate

The crying on shoulders and hiding in hugs

The sounds of laughter in my room every night

The sight of love now and then.

Because no matter how much I hope

Or pray or understand or know

Somewhere in me, I am so afraid 

And it's not that I'm bad at waiting 

But isn't it frightening to not know

The end of this wait?

For even if we all are in this together

We have perhaps lost the things

Which used to be normal

The things we didn't know

Were actually, privileges.