Time in Retrospect

I'm 10 years old

I  know what I want

I know what I'll do

But right now I can't

As I get older, I'll get bolder

I'll take the steps I want

I'm 12 now

What I want is still the same

But there's some hesitation

Because I misunderstood the game

There are so many rules here

But I can't find a manual or guide

They say whatever life gives you

Just take it in stride

They said time is like the tide

It'll wait for no one

But I think they lied

Because for now, I think time is on my side

Now I'm 14

And my younger self lied

Time was never by my side

I was just racing it

Taking it for granted I'll always keep up

But time went by me

As I grew up

I'm thinking of my future

And it isn't a game anymore

I don't know what to do

How can I be sure? 

I said I needed time

But time's not enough

How will I support myself

When times get tough

I used to dream so big

I took it for granted I'll do it

Is this confusion just a phase

If yes, how will I get through it

I try to put it in words

My frustration my confusion

But each time I try

I never reach a solution 

Of how

When

Why

I thought I'd touch the sky

If I just willed myself

But now I don't know what is my

Future

They say it's okay not to know

But then how will I know in which direction I should go

How will I know which roads to take and which decisions to make

If I don't know my destination

And that is the cause of my hesitation

I used to want fame and a bright future

I knew experience is the best teacher

But as I go through this phase I'm starting to question

The consequences of every decision

I want to get into a big university 

So I study hard

But then the thought bugs me what if I can't

Time has worn me through

Just sitting at home and thinking

I guess what they said is true

Time passes by as you're blinking