You....more than anyone else!

I'm tired of my habit of waking up every morning with renewed energy and hope...

Only to be drained down by everyone around me, you more than anyone else, before the end of the day!

I'm tired of all the pretense and drama that's on display from everyone around me, from you more than anyone else

I'm tired of all the speculation, all the judgements....

All the gaslighting, all the manipulation that I'm made to suffer through the day,f rom everyone around me, but you more than anyone else

I'm tired of being misunderstood, of being someone who has ears for everyone around,you more than anyone else....

But not one set of ears do I have for my own self, I'm tired of the fact that whenever I do find a set of ears to pour my heart out to....

By the time I gather my courage and the gumption to do so, the world around me, you more than anyone else....

Ensure that I'm compelled to push those ears away from me

I'm tired of all the false accusations, the blame, the names, the games....

None of which the world around me, you more than anyone else, know I am

I'm tired of being made to look as if I am the problem every single time that I've tried to address my hurt

I'm tired of the world, and you more than anyone else, constantly looking at me as the perpetrator while I am indeed the victim

I'm tired of letting go of the fact that you get carried away by others when they influence you, negatively about me...

Rather than having faith in me, in us; the whole world around me knows very well what kind of a kind man I am (I know I am, and I do not need anyone's validation), don't you know that more than anyone else?

I'm tired of waiting for answers, I'm tired of waiting for redemptions...

I'm tired of waiting for closures, I'm tired of the constant shifting of blame...

I'm tired of trying to prove my honesty, my integrity, and my loyalty...

I'm tired of all the negativity, of all the pain and the hurt…

But I'll never be tired of being kind, sensitive, compassionate, forgiving, loving, generous, and protective....the whole world around me knows this, you know that too, more than anyone else!

I'm tired of hearing forever that you're trying, I'm amazed that you have the strength to keep trying....even after all these years,

But I'm too tired of trying now…I'm too tired of trying to be a good human being, I'm too tired of trying to be the perfect thing,

And I'm too tired of being too patient, I'm too tired of my patience being tested…I'm too tired of being lonely although I'm never alone...

I'm tired of sleepless nights, hollow mornings, and discomforting afternoons…

I'm tired of trying to escape and drown my pain in rivers of alcohol....

I'm tired of trying to be a gentleman even at 3 AM in a drunken state, while you rip apart my dignity,  my self-respect, and in just standing there helplessly!

I'm tired of you getting influenced by people and questioning my integrity, my loyalty…

I'm tired of the whole world questioning my intent, whereas they very well know me, you more than anyone else!

I'm now tired of trying to tell the world, you more than anyone else, of everything I'm tired of….

But I'm not done yet, neither with the list of things that I'm tired of nor with wanting to live…..

but I'm tired, and I want to go to sleep….

For so long…that when I wake up, decades would've gone by, and not a single person I've known all of my life, is around me, you more than anyone else….

And then I'll make another tireless attempt just like this time...

To find the love, attention, respect, and care I know I deserve….

Then I hope I won't be tired of this world, or you, more than anyone else….

Because the whole world knows, I've never loved anyone but you, more than anyone else….

Yet the world hurts me repeatedly, and more so you….a lot more than anyone else!