A Woman With Cold Stare

The sky was pale blue at the morning on that day, I carried my bag to the Pinku aunty’s room, where no one would disturb me, I skipped my maths class today, Pinku’s room is dark blue in colour, I always wanted to stay here whenever I skip my classes at school, because of the serene environment around the things which Pinku organised beautifully, the curtains of the window swayed here and there, I peeped out and saw two dogs fighting on the street, sun started emerging from the window, Pinku aunty was nowhere to be found, I fished my books from the bag and started marking the important problems to study next, my parents died two years ago, when I was sixteen, I came to live with my grandma, father’s mom for my college studies, I met Pinku aunty for the first time, who is an odd person in our family, who never talks to anyone, who never talks about anyone, remains silent and observes everything in the family.

The little drops started falling from the pale sky, this is a confused weather according to me, the rays embracing the thin rain drops from the sky, grandma and Pinku aunty went outside to the grocery shop to get groceries for tomorrow pooja, I always love to study in Pinku aunty’s room, no one dared to get inside her room, even my cousins, but she never accused me of using her room for granted, I respected her introvert attitude (according to her)! Pinku aunty loved books, she loves to arrange books pertaining to its genre, I heard from one of my naughty cousins who knows the secret of all family members, especially about Pinku Aunty, she told, Pinku aunty was married when she was fifteen and got divorced when she was thirty one, she stopped talking with family members since then, she has completed her Phd in Research studies in English Literature, she earn more than sixty thousand per month and planning to go to united kingdom next year, the dark secret is, she has never opened up to anyone about the reason for her divorce and no one knows about what she is doing with the money she earns.

I imagined Pinku aunty as a spendthrift, who would have expected lot of money from her husband or she might be in affair with someone else and planning to run away with him to UK, but I least bothered about all these things, because I loathed this world and the humans after my parents death in airplane crash, I hate his materialistic world, if my parents had not been materialistic people, they wouldn’t have gone to Australia to earn more money, they wouldn’t have left me as a lonely child, alone in the big, greedy, rich family where everyone of them is a diamond merchant and everyone’s children studying in reputed organisations to earn more money to compete with other cousins. Superficially, everyone talked with each other amicably but never cared for one another!

But Pinku Aunty didn’t conversed with anyone, she is that stubborn and cruel. But I always admired how she has arranged her books, I thought there would be some soft corner in all cruel people, Pinku aunty is not an exception.

The sky now turned black, I closed my book and wandered around her room, I always love to read Harry potter book series, I searched for harry potter books in Pinku’s book shelf, instead I found a hardbound yellow diary, I touched it and wiped off the dust in the cover, I desperately wanted to read the diary, who else wouldn’t be interested to read an extreme cruel introvert’s dark secrets, I opened the diary and latched her room and made sure no one is coming and started reading.

“Mojo is my favourite human being in this world, I loved his eyelids, I loved the way he calls me ‘kanna’, he is short and a stout man who has sharp moustache, I always wanted to lie in his lap…”

There was lot of information about a man called Mojo, I later realised he is Pinku aunty’s husband, she admired him in each and every verse she had written, she has written about the awkward arrange marriage of theirs and how Mojo loved her and how she reciprocated her love.

“I loved Mojo because I always had a bad impression on men when my father touched my breasts on that night, when I was lying next to my mom… mom hushed me when I told her about this, she said our family reputation would be ruined… but Mojo… he is different, I love him…”

I was startled to read these lines, it was hard for me to imagine child abuse in the joint, rich, orthodox family, I felt sorry for Pinku, tears welled up from my eyes, she has written about her desire to live with Mojo until she dies. I started reading the lines which she wrote in her twentieth birthday.

“But these days I find a strange desolation in Mojo’s attitude, he never talks to me like before, he is avoiding me and asking me to join college, I have joined in nearby college to do my bachelors in English literature…”

All the lines after that shook the world around me, she had written that one day when she was coming from the college to home early and opened the door to surprise Mojo and found that he was sleeping with the servant! The lines were soaked in water, may be Pinku aunty was crying on that day hard, like how I cried when my parents left me alone in this world, she would have cried because the world meant for hers had been destroyed. 

So she stayed with Mojo for ten years and learned that he had been in relationship with so many women, one day he forced her to give divorce, by that time Pinku was pregnant and he kicked her hard and at the night she got aborted, when she told all these to our grandma, she started advising Pinku not to open up this to anyone because the family reputation would be ruined. Pinku remained silent and gave him divorce, she started pursuing her studies from grandma’s home.

“I met Fredrick, when I was doing my Phd, I came to know he is paralysed from the hip below and lived in the slum nearby, running a small tuition centre in the slum, he is an educated and humorous fellow, with whom I got close and later developed feelings, but I couldn’t tell all these things to ma, because mother would think that if I marry a guy from low status her reputation would be ruined, so next month I am going to marry him in my early forties and going to live with him happily in UK,”

When I turned the next page, I heard someone knocking my door, I closed her diary hurriedly and went outside to open.

Grandma was standing outside with Pinku aunty, I opened and they came in, Pinku frowned at me, the cold stare, she usually gives to everyone, but I found there is a kindness in the cold stare. I smiled at her, she didn’t smile back.

After one month, she told grandma that she has got good job in UK and told her about her departure, grandma boastingly told everyone about her daughter who is going to earn a lot in abroad.

The sky was pale blue again, when Pinku aunty waved goodbye and got on taxi to airport, there was a happiness in her eyes, I perceived it through the cold stare, she closed the window of the taxi, I smiled at her, everyone went inside home after bidding her farewell, this time, Pinku aunty smiled back and waved goodbye with her left hand which was holding yellow diary.

That day a woman with cold stare inspired me to live in the world among the unfair human beings, because the world still has something special for you.