All At Heart

I look at them all, so joyful and melodious as they throw questions and tantrums at their mother.

My heart is genuinely happy but I can't dismiss the feeling of being left out. Describing it as neglection would mean something else because I myself can't find its accuracy.

My mind is all fozy, I feel like I belong somewhere else. I hate being pitied yet I can't run away from it. 

I feel the longing for my late dad, so funny, right? I too laugh at myself. Many people ask me whether I don't have a mother, but it's all as useless as implying her absence.

At times I become bitter just by the thought of her presence, not because I wouldn't have loved her but because of the one reason I so much want to ask my late father.

I need nothing much from her because I know she's the reason am writing this. I wouldn't have been able to join the storymirror if she had decided to eliminate me.

At least that's the one reason I still have hope and pray for her to last more years.

We are many from her troublesome husbands, but none of us holds peace. It's as if we are cursed.

It gives me a lot of a hard time to believe our bad fate but am more than determined to change the lives of my siblings. 

To track down all the mistakes my mother made so that I don't fall under her influence. 

Carrying a lot of weight on my back is less painful than knowing that I have no one to narrate my pain too.

That would have been my mother, but all she can do is send me to the dooms end.

Am the eldest from my mother's womb. She looks up to me but only when I come in with bread in my hands.

Till then, I still carry the responsibility and more I can't even tell. 

But surprisingly, I've passed through a lot and I am prepared to face this world from every angle it tries to bring me down.

I can't force people to love and care for me. Am neither jealous of their achievements but I feel as if am in a desert.

I feel it all, but I can't let Mr Depression drive me down. Never.