Be With You Everytime

Past 11 p.m. that night, I sat alone on my lonely balcony, with a few chocolates in my hand.

And a gnawing hollowness in my soul. I heard the sound of a plane passing in the sky

And all the broken noises inside me rose; every realization from within, erupted like an unwanted flood in a metro city.

In a fraction of seconds, I was transported to your memory. Those bitter pain pangs of my soul pricked me again, which hold every little detail of you, and I shall carry those to the grave.

I knew you were not happy. Neither I was aware of how you could be! For the long sleeves you always wore, I knew what you were hiding.

You always told me, “I wear our hearts on sleeve. Love needs transparency.” If such was the case, could you please tell me, why did you cut your arms so deep? They advised me to not love a suicidal girl, whose days are numbered. Who stays numb, who can’t feel any love, but I dismissed them saying the power of love could be enough to bring the light of happiness in her life again.

Even with those unhealed cuts on your arms, and many unspoken promises – I wanted to give you the world.

Alas! My workload took away my time. With one-week long call to another City; I feared I couldn't leave you, when you were this weak.

"Go! I'm okay," you said with a smile hiding every pain. You did not utter a Good bye. I knew the better days were coming.

From boarding the airplane to landing in the city, and roaming around to gather gifts. Those four days, all I did was to think of you... and when I returned with a bag of gifts, I heard you weren’t here to accept them. For you never will be.

I received a return gift of your suicide note. Till date, I don't have the courage to read it. I can barely look at the pale colors of the envelope. For me, it’s a love letter; the last love letter from a girl I love deeply.

Maybe I wasn't blessed enough to show my love to you. Maybe love can’t heal those who don’t believe in life and its miracles.

Your psychiatrist once said, “Love can’t help those who do not wish to live. Unless there is hope within, it is tough to feel love, or even realize that there are people who care!”

“You can’t help someone who feels like a burden. Ask her to talk more; talk about herself, her pains, her little joys and of all things good and bad.”

TALK. They all said. But she didn’t.

If only she could know today, how much I wanted to talk – for all the love in my heart. All the words she could’ve spoke, would have been everything I could’ve heard

May one day her Life be a reminder to those who wanted to talk.

I opened her WhatsApp message chats and saw her last message.

She never said me a bye.

She only wrote, "Be with You Everytime"