Being Women

Discrimination, jaativaad or dharmvaad..the word with which I came familiar to was when I was studying in school. In s.s.t, the topic was equality and inequality where I got to know about discrimination based on caste, creed, color, race, religion and sex. The term was just understood by the head but not by heart.

Being born to a nuclear family, a family of just four- father, mother, brother n sister, we hardly came over this issue and also studying in a co-education school, considered each and everyone as our dear friends and was happy too.

People say "shadi ke baad sab badal jata hai". How true is this, I have realized with my marriage and still realising it.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I don't know, being a Hindu or Bihari girl was married to a Bengali guy. However, we have studied and known that Bengalis too come in the same category that is Hindu. But it's really shocking that Bengalis consider themselves different as if from another land or planet with a different language, different food styles, different dressings, and culture. I definitely am not poking fun over someone, I respect every culture and tradition of India. I am just presenting my experience only.

Coming to my in-law's residence after marriage was the true realization of the outer world. The first shock that came to me was the kitchen, the menu of the food. Oh my god! Till now I was just knowing: dal- chawal and sabji but here it was dal, chawal, bhaja, torkari ,chorchori, tok, papad, salad one non veg, sweets...endless. It seems the Bengalis live to eat, seriously. And my mother in law, kept on murmuring " bou maa, dekho eta ke ranna bole,tumi ki janbe bihari to....sikho...sikhte hi hobe, dekho aami koto kichu ranna korte pari..tumi parbe". I was just....hell! Life is not only cooking and eating, various are the good things to do...that all in mind only. And in reality was smiling.." yes I will learn".

Because if I speak a bit, again same discrimination will start, " dekho ki sonskar diyeche maa baba, bihari to tai jonno, koto abhadro..bla bla.."

Again comes the language, till now I knew that Hindi is the national language, but for Bengalis hindi has no place. If you speak in hindi, they don't bother at all. You need, you must speak in Bengali. No matter I started speaking bit by bit...not fluent but managed, but they never tried hindi for the sake of me.

The best part is their family functions, gosh! Throughout I have worn only churidar suits, but the day I weared that in my in law's house, it happened like I have done a sin or as if I appeared nude...They were like.." maan samman noshto kore diyeche". Each one replied " bou ta bihari na ki..", I was puzzled suits are Bihari dresses, I knew it was ethnic that's it. So you have to wear a heavily bordered sari with loads of ornaments on your body, sindur full-headed. Yes, I do respect all these cultures, whenever I saw in tv films, had always wanted to be a part of it, but off course not in this way..not at all. It's really ridiculous, one can't impose it on someone by torturing in the name of religion or caste. My parents didn't ever taunt my husband for anything in the name of bihari-bengali. 

I definitely am not ashamed of being a girl but even then would like to say..."agle janam mohe bitiya na kijo", for the sake of my parents. I mean why the girl's parents are still like this in this century too. They gave their daughter, not a maid that the in laws can behave like this. And above all why can't the in law's respect the girl the same way their son is treated by his in-law. 

A girl can be superior in a number of things like designing, banking, art, and craft but the only thing considered is cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the house. In that case, the only subject for girls in school - college should be home science only.

I was B.A, B.ed with English, good command over the language that often my husband would ask me to draft a mail or official letter for him, but this would always offend my in-laws, that why I have been given importance. Though I know all, felt hurt but would hardly react as I love and respect my family.

I had interior designing courses done and was also good at art and craft, making the best out of waste as a result of which I decorated my house very well and uniquely which was praised by many. A number of times were asked for writing and delivering speeches for special functions by the schools or colleges and also by the nearby aunties for their kids homework . But these would hardly impress my in-laws or provoke them to change their attitude towards me.

 One day my husband went to outstation for his head office meeting and my brother and sister-in-law went on some college trip and I was all alone with my mother-in-law. From few days, my mother-in-law's health was not well. We have decided to take her outstation for her treatment. Actually, we lived in a very small town in West Bengal, which doesn't have such an advanced hospital facility. That day after dinner my mom-in-law started feeling uneasy. I did a lot of effort to make her feel better like some home remedies and acupressure but all in vain. Later in the midnight, she started chest pain followed by partial paralysis. I could easily notice her face change. She also complains of numbness of her hands and fingers. I checked out with the machine, her bp has raised. I couldn't understand what to do, called my husband's number but it was out of reach, on the other hand, mom was screaming high, was totally scared. Suddenly a thought struck my mind, one of my schoolmates was a famous cardiologist from Appollo hospital. I immediately called him and next explained all the symptoms to him and followed all the instructions which he gave to me. He also arranged an immediate ambulance to my address and finally, mom got the treatment. And to god's grace, she became absolutely fine. The day was scary, tuff but all thanks to my dear friend who helped me in need. Soon my husband arrived and brother and sister in law too reached. The very next day mom was discharged from the hospital. I was there at home to welcome her. It was when I touched her feet she hugged me tightly and thanked me for everything, saying "aaj theke tumi amar sona maa, amar lokkhi maa,amar mey ". My eyes filled with tears of happiness; last but not least my in-laws accepted me with heart. Thereafter I found my true place and importance not only in their house but in their heart too.

Really God created every one with equal importance in life but it is only us who started this act of doing discrimination. Gandhi ji has said" Be the change you want to see in the world". When the discrimination from our personal life is removed then only true equality will be visible in society.