Black Ink

When I look at the blanket of the sky right above my head, the only thought revolving deep in my mind and soul in peace. The cold warmth of the sky wraps me in its lap and makes me enjoy its tune of melody. I spend long hours gazing at the sky which is very questionable for the people who live around me. I have always had tough times throughout my life, making me feel like I am walking over a pile of needles beneath. I am born in an Indian society where 1 in 10 always thinks about never being born again. There are rich folks with shining jewels covering every inch of their body and butlers, assistants, beautician, nannies, janitors, tons of housemaids, and whatnot. They bathe in money I guess whereas we are people whom you can't call a middle-class population. We live in the outskirts of the city not in slums and neither in a town. We have enough to eat but not enough to sleep. We don't wear torn clothes but that doesn't mean that we get to wear and buy whatever we want. We are those outdated clubs of people of count upon Chuddidars. We don't have an iPhone or a Smartphone. The most we have is the mobile that your great grandparents used to use. We don't have LED computers, LCDs nor your laptops, or touchscreens. If we are a bit well off, you will find a big computer that your mother would have used. Yup!!! Thaaaaat outdated.

So who are we?? ( Psst:- LOWER MIDDLE CLASS)

I am one of those unfortunates, who get to know about the exciting gadgets, relishing flavours of food and your fashion but are deprived of having those due to financial crisis. I am Pratha, a college student. I am put in a situation where I have to chase my dreams and carry the burdens of running a family behind me on my back. It's very hard and harsh on me and you might not understand that until and unless you are put into that situation. I am neither pretty nor fair-skinned. I am brown and you will always find patches of Haldi and pond powder here and there. You know the struggles of a dim girl in a country that is against discrimination on any basis but yet exists in nooks and corners. I am educated yes but people judge you not just based on your talent but they also consider your looks followed by finance and then comes your education and your talent. 

I am working in a patent office as a part-time employee. What I earn is all enough to pay off our rent and meet our food expenses. So hence for taking care of my sister Anu's education, I work in a supermarket as a sales rep. My mother Kolam Perum pal as well works dual jobs to satisfy our excess needs and hospital expenses. We three tripods together make my small little family. Excuse me!!! You are being too loud but yes I shall answer your question. Anu doesn't work as she is just 14. She still contributes her part in cooking and keeping the household clean. We all are tired of working. If one of us stops working a day, then we will have to forget about putting food on the plate for all three of us. We don't have a television. We don't have a washing machine or an iron box or any other appliance that makes life easier for you. Yes, we live in 2021, not in 19 something but poverty prevents us from upgrading ourselves to the future.

My only source of peace is glaring at the sky. It makes me dive into the aroma of another heavenly world and deport from the treacherous life I am bestilled with. Maybe it's my dad or my grandmother Jathu Dadi spreading that positive aura. This is how it has been from my childhood till today and this laid as a basis for me to take up Aeronautical Engineering as my dream, passion, vision, future, and career. I dream of getting employed in ISRO and am also saving up money for buying a few Question banks and guides to prepare for their examination. Yes, life is hard with 8 hrs of work, 6 hrs of school, 3 hrs of self-study, 2 hrs for my daily duties and break, and barely 5 hours of sleep but that doesn't mean that I will give up on my dreams. Life is indeed hard and I have to work my ass off to lead a decent life in today's society. You too need to work hard or else the foundation for your career will be too fragile to build your castle upon it. 

Let me share a few fun facts about us, do you remember what happened in India before 5 years. Yes!! there you are. Demonetization. Whom do you think were the worst sufferers, we. When the prices of petrol increased, onions and other food commodities we were the worst sufferers and during those times I used to see my mother getting anaemic with lack of sleep, food, and peace. Now things have changed a lot compared to then. Back to my story. I am an excellent student. Shouldn't boast but my records are not that bad. I passed my bachelor's with a university rank and am doing a PG with a partial scholarship. 

Life is difficult but not harsh on me. It is now up to me to change our financial conditions and upgrade our level of living. I don't want another generation of my family or anybody else to suffer the kind of pain I, Anu and my mom had to undergo. Never and never will the sunset once it rises in my life. But when?? When will I get rid of the burden that I have on my back? When will I be happy again? When will my mom take a rest and enjoy her life? Will I get to take a leave from my job, school, and responsibilities and get to live on bed detaching myself from worldly woes? Will the Blank ink in my Life ever go away?? Maybe death is the easiest option to abandon your pain, worries, and responsibilities but at the same time your goodness, happiness, and memories as well. I am not able to move either way. My dreams push me away from ending my life. My responsibilities put me under deep stress. 

When will that darkness in my life ever go????