Bullying Ain't Cool!

 My friend and I had planned a day-long shopping for one of her cousin’s wedding. Someone so aesthetic and quintessential in everything she wore, it was definitely a big day for her. Post a delicious buffet lunch, we reached the shop; my friend went about on her shopping spree and me being me, I chose to relax on a sofa. All that was expected of me was to give my nod for the dress I approved of. I was happy. She was content. Win-win!

 

After a bit, something unusual caught my attention. At close quarters, I saw one big family who was shopping for a wedding- this much was certain. I was easily able to guess the bride and the groom to be in the group. However, what I did not fathom is, how the two of them were never “allowed to be together”. There were 5 other people – the groom’s parents, sister, and her husband and their kid. Rest of the family happily talked, laughed, tried and tested so many designers wear; they blissfully ignored the poor bride-to-be. I saw that she was attempting to be with the group; most importantly, she was hesitant yet kept pushing herself to be around the man she was going to be married to. What was appalling was how he did not even bother to acknowledge her efforts. His body language was visibly very arrogant and neglected his wife-to-be.

Funnily, I saw that the man to be married was so engaged in the conversations with his sister. Quite visibly, it was not out of love but maybe, out of the fear of displeasing her. I never meant to trespass their privacy but I was helpless. The sister, seemed like a middle-aged woman, was the most aggressive, rude, mean of them all. On the one hand, I witnessed her making all the decisions for the groom’s dresses. Sadly, all he managed was saying a “yes” to everything the sister showed. Her loud voice and her pointing fingers constantly, her nudging the bride to be each time she came closer to the groom was not in good taste at all. Additionally, I saw her passing orders to the bride-to-be to go to another floor altogether and pick up dresses, perhaps for one of the members. I am not really sure. Her voice, body language gave me such negative vibrations and signals – I thought she acted like this modern age, Hitler. I was nowhere related to the bride but I felt sorry for her.   

 

First place, the bride-to-be did not seem like she did not know what was going on. She seemed to be really courteous not to scream back at the lady. She was about to become a member of the new family-she must have been sort of anxious and nervous too. She did not have her own family around at that point in time. She was endlessly endeavoring to be spending some moments with the man she was going to be married. She was doing all of this alone. Without encouragement. Without outcome. The last thing she deserved is to be shouted at, instructed like she was a slave!

 

In the meantime, I reminisced my own wedding. I had an arranged marriage; although the wedding shopping was supposedly a quick affair, my husband and I were left on our own without any intervention so we could have our sweet time together. Little things truly matter. Just being by each other helped us know so much about one another.

I still could not take my eyes off the arrogant lady who continued her screaming strolling the entire showroom. What was pathetic was how the groom to be seemed to be following her every instruction. Would he be doing this for the rest of the life? I bewildered at the very thought.

 

After a while, the beautiful bride-to-be descended; she joined the group. She showed what she had picked for her husband-to-be and other members. For once, he seemed a little interested. She smiled-content with attention.

 

Within minutes, she came running out of nowhere. The sister supposedly hated the two being together – her facial expressions said it all! She snatched the clothes the girl had selected and sniggered along. She immediately ordered the brother to step back and literally shouted at the girl – You may leave! You must have a lot of work back home for the wedding. She pushed her brother aside.

Look at what she has chosen! exclaimed the lady.

 

“Mind your words.” The girl had lost her patience. I could not have agreed more. I was with her.

 

“I have been very accepting of your ways since the last few days. I am a girl with dignity; having traveled to over 20 countries, it does not take much time to belittle someone else yet I have been quiet and respected your opinion in every small matter. Even today, your brother lied to me that it was just going to be the two of us. That is the reason my parents and sister did not come. Here you are, all of you. Look at all the silent spectators out there (pointing at the husband-to-be and his parents, his brother in law). You think becoming a daughter in law means abiding by every silly rule and proving time and again that I wouldn’t raise my voice ever? I am not one of those sorts. Your attitude sucks and I am not the one to put up with a bully like you.”

 

She walked away; she was noticeably and understandably consumed by anger; tears rolled down her cheeks as she walked past the shop owners and a few shocked customers. She gestured that everything was alright when people came forward to help. I stepped back too as she was in a hurry to take the next available cab.

 

I have a very disgusting expression as a fitting reply to the arrogant lady. She too was taken aback by the turn of events. There was no denying that she was indeed a bully- someone who had all the insecurities; someone who assumed loudness equals confidence; someone who wanted to subtly hurt another human being and feel secretly proud about it. And, of course, the poor arrogant lady did not know a " vulnerable" woman can react too.

 

Often, we do not comprehend the extent of damaging impact bullying can have on people. It is a very common occurrence in homes, workplaces, Universities et all. Sometimes, people choose to ignore it; some people runaway; worse, some people blindly blame the victim as not being “strong”.

Bullying is dangerous, a lot more than one can imagine. It must stop. It is horrible that even the most educated lot resort to it, for example, the arrogant lady in the shopping mall. Whenever one comes across any signs of someone trying to overpower and dictate, publicly humiliate and intimidate someone else, people need to speak up. Even if it does not involve oneself. Any possibility of such a behavioral pattern should be condemned immediately and action is taken. If not, it could consequently lead to violence too, who knows.   

 

As I saw the girl walk away, the girl whose name I know not, I was incredibly proud of her. She dealt with the issue with a calm mind, nevertheless, as soon as she spotted drastic changes, she retaliated. I really hoped that she not only walked away from the shopping place but from the nearing wedding too. If she was going to be married to a man who could not stand up for his wife’s self-respect, it would already be a meaningless marriage broken irrevocably.