Don't know why?

I am here, in a separate room of the same house where my parents are fast asleep in another room. My thoughts are cloudy yet I can see the clear pictures of some dreadful past memories. I have tried time and again to subdue these memories in that corner of my mind from where they will never resurface. Yet, they always float back up when I am done with my life. I have tried suicide multiple times, so many times that now I have lost the count of the attempts.

A few days back I read an article about the signs of depression. I related to at least fifteen out of twenty. Actually I am lying I related to all of them. I sent that article to a certain friend trying to seek out help. Later I realized that I was a chicken-hearted person to admit that I was suffering from depression.

I am writing all of this because I don't want to cry. I have bawled out my eyes enough for this lifetime. My family thinks that I am an insensitive, detached and inconsiderate brat who can feel nothing. A lot many times I was made fun of by these people who are my family as they presumed that I am an emotionless creature. Those incidents made me more prone to the insensitivity of others.

I could never vent out my anger in a proper way. They made me feel that what so ever I feel it wrong and I must not feel it. Basically, I do not have any right to feel. But, if to feel was to be a wrong thing for me then why was I given the ability to do it?