End & Beginning

I sat on the couch in my tutor’s house with a heavy heart. Anika sat beside me equally deflated. I turned to look at her but my vision was blurry owing to the tears welled up in my eyes. I slowly turned my attention to the chocolates she held in her hands. Anything to distract me from having a meltdown in front of my tutor’s wife!

I had been crying on and off the past few days, ever since the results of the entrance test I had appeared for, had been released. My tutor, my parents, classmates and friends had had high expectations from me. But a small blunder had cost me precious marks. My tutor had expected Jatin, a fellow classmate and me to secure the first two ranks in the state entrance exam. Jatin, true to form had stood first whereas I had got the 45th rank.

Now, I had come to my tutor’s house to face the music. My friend Anika had got the consecutive rank after mine and was genuinely thrilled. She had brought chocolates with her to celebrate, which she now slowly stuffed back into her bag in dismay.

Our teacher had not given us a second look after opening the door. He had walked into his study from where he was making snide comments at us, to his wife, who was courteously sitting in front of us.

’Why have they brought sweets when they are not even sure of getting a PG seat?’ He shouted from inside. After sitting there listlessly for a few more minutes, we politely excused ourselves and left.

’What does he know about our feelings?! All he is worried about is his precious ranks! My mood is spoiled, am going home”said Anika and left. I took my vehicle and pulled out of the parking lot, crying freely and uninhibitedly, as I drove through traffic and slowly made my way home. It felt like the end of the world. I had not expected things to go awry. There was really only one thing left to do.

Halfway home, I turned my car in the opposite direction and headed towards my dad’s office. My father had given me an option that morning of choosing a management seat for capitation fee. Till then, I had been quite averse to spending my father’s hard earned money on my education. I realised I couldn’t wallow in self pity anymore.

When I walked into my dad’s cabin, he looked at my red face and nodded sympathetically. He consoled me saying it wasn’t the end of the world and there were always possibilities. He asked his assistant to help me fill out application forms for management seats in different colleges in the state.

Half heartedly, I filled half a dozen forms and stuck my photo on the forms for the next three hours. I was doing what I had actively abhorred and refused in the past couple of years. I had succumbed finally since the only alternative was to get married to the next suitable boy that my parents found. The former being the lesser evil, I chose that.

My cell phone rang and I slowly took it out of my bag to stare at the screen. It was my best friend, Ramya. She was my pillar of support in my difficult times and I was hers. “Entrance exams are tricky and very difficult! Often a matter of luck on that day, u know...Have you been crying again? I don’t know what to say to you,’ she said. “ This is exactly why I never appeared for the entrance...I knew this would happen, u know!”, she continued.

As I hung up after a few minutes, I felt dejected. She had known I was setting myself up for failure and disappointment. I had been doomed from the beginning. I continued with the pointless exercise of this monologue for sometime, when my phone rang suddenly.

I contemplated with trepidation if I should receive the call. It was my tutor. I let it ring for a while without picking up. It stopped ringing. I could only imagine what choicy expletives he had to throw my way, when suddenly he was calling a second time. Bracing myself for the worst, I took the call. Relief washed over me...it was his wife. But she wasn’t coherent. She seemed to be on edge and talking fast with feverish excitement.

After a few minutes, she calmed enough to ask for my All India Entrance register number. Supposedly results were out and she was checking if any of our numbers were on the rank list. My heart sank. The All India entrance had been way tougher than the State entrance. I did not stand a chance, no way! Meanwhile she was asking for information which I did not want to divulge. I told her that I did not remember and that I would have to go home and check my hall ticket. She would have none of it: She was coaxing me to remember. Dejectedly I told her that I did not remember the first few digits but remembered the last four because it had been a sequence ....1234. She let out a high pitched squeal and all I could hear was her screaming...’she did it, she did it! She got through...’ When suddenly my tutor came on the line and congratulated me for my All India rank, I nearly fainted out of shock and happiness...