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Is It Love Or Is It Not???
Is It Love Or Is It Not???
She came close to me and said, “It’s over, dear.” Tears rolled out of my eyes as I sat on my bike and looked her face. I kept on thinking about all my efforts that went in vain. I kept on thinking about all my love that ended nowhere. I wiped my tears and again looked at her; observing her eyes that once twinkled hearing my name; those lips which had made me feel my first kiss; those long black hairs which I always played with; those cheeks which have felt million touches from my fingers and lips. How could she forget all that? How could anybody wipe out all these memories? I looked down to the earth and up to the sky, and I felt as if my life is over right here right now.
Breaking my thoughts, Natasha suddenly touched my hands and asked “Vivek, are you fine?” Startled by the touch, I came back to senses. “Yes, I am” I murmured slowly. “No, you are not. Don’t lie to me. Baby, I love you more than anything and I need you to be available right now. Tell me and clear your head darling. What’s going on in your mind?” Her voice had raised because of her unconditional affection for me. She wanted to know why her Romeo was behaving like a Devdas.
I know Natasha. No one can love me more than her. Don’t I love her? Yes, I do. I love her a lot. But, I don’t know why the tale of that night still haunts me. Why my brain goes into a shock when I think of that deadly night which ended in a horror? Why my evil side overpowered my love for a moment which destroyed and devastated everything? Has anger got so much energy that love can easily be defeated? Why couldn’t I accept that situations make people take few decisions which even they don’t like to take? Why couldn’t I accept that all people are not same in the world? Why didn’t I think for a second about the consequences of my action? And if she didn’t love me, why didn’t she complain against me? My heart started etching in pain for the mistake I did long ago. She did forgive me but I couldn’t. Before, I could sink in more thoughts, Natasha’s voice broke my chain of thoughts.
“Hey Vivek, message from Shreya. Your college friend. She’s coming today for lunch. And why are you not seeing whatsapp? You know she’s so pretty and good. Sometimes I think that bike rider should rot in hell who collided with her scooty and rammed through one of her legs. But alas, we never know God’s plans. One accident and she couldn’t walk again. But you will see, the person who did that will regret one day for his karma”, Natasha entered my room with a cup of coffee. How could I ever say her that Shreya was my first love and that bike rider was me? How could I even say that it was not an accident; rather a momentary action from anger? But yes, Natasha was right. The person who did this can never live in peace.
Even while bathing, those past memories came alive. The way I slapped her face and in a fit of rage I drove my bike, not knowing I drove it right on her left leg. I just can’t forget all those incidents which haunts me even now. After the bath, while entering my room Natasha called again, “Vivek, are you a girl? Bathing for half an hour? Anyways, please help me in making biriyani. I don’t understand, Shreya is your college friend or mine. You never look enthusiastic when I say she’s coming for lunch. Why dear? She’s a good friend of yours, right?? And after all, she's the reason we are together, Vivek...”
“Yeah, I am coming” came a feeble reply from me.
“Natasha, Natasha, where are you?” I shouted as I couldn’t find her while entering the kitchen. Well, Natasha is one of the best cooks I have seen. To be honest, better than my mom too. It seems to me she has received a Ph.D. in chicken recipes. And perhaps, that’s the reason she has decided to make Biriyani for my Shreya. Oh no, what did I say? My Shreya?? No, she’s only Shreya. She was mine and now I am Natasha’s. Natasha always thought I and Shreya are friends, but what I never understood is how could Shreya act so normal after so many things happened? How could she introduce me to Natasha whom I had never seen in my college before that day? How could she be so normal after such a long relationship between us?
The calling bell rang and I stood up to open the door. I knew it must be Shreya. She was never late. She would reach exactly at the same time what she would have informed. As I started walking near the door, suddenly my head felt heavy and the world around me revolved. I fell down with a thud and before I could know what happened, my eyes were closed and I was on the floor.
I sensed some water sprinkles on my face as my senses came back and I found myself on the lap of Natasha. Natasha, too tensed didn’t utter a word. I could see the tears rolling out of her eyes. I found Shreya sitting near my legs. I decided to say the truth today. I can’t cheat on Natasha as she loves me so much. But she should know that I and Shreya loved each other and we are not just friends. And even today somewhere I have deep feelings for Shreya. I blurted out, “Natasha, please don’t feel bad. I had to say this thing to you someday. I love Shreya. And she also loved me once. But one day due to some pressure, she denied my love and I did this to her; Drove my bike on her. But still she became my friend. This shows she also loves me somewhere from the heart…”
“No, we are friends. Are you mad, Vivek? We never had any relation except friendship. Do you even know what are you saying?" Pointing her legs, Shreya continued again, "And this was done to me by some random bike rider and that was not you dear. Anyways, if we were in a relation, would I have ever introduced you to Natasha who loves you so deeply? I think you have gone insane, Vivek."
"Why the hell you are not agreeing that you loved me? If you don’t why did you kiss me, hug me and spent so much time with me and we even made out in a car, remember?" I shouted back.
And suddenly cutting my speech from the middle, Shreya said something which shook me from the core of my heart. “Shut up, Mr. Vivek. Enough is enough. And Natasha, Sorry I can't take it anymore. Listen Mr. Vivek; we, me and Natasha are trying to treat you, cure you and give your life a better meaning. And yes, I am not Shreya. I am Dr. Priyanka, a psychiatrist who tried to treat you being a friend of Natasha. And the Shreya you talk about, used you dear. She never loved you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have developed amnesia which made you forget everything that had happened that night. She hit you with some heavy object on your head and even we don’t know why she did that because it was between you and her. You forgot everything and with the help of doctors, and on the suggestion of the lady who loves you the most, Natasha; we made a false memory for you so that I can come to your house and treat you twice a week."
She took a sip of water almost ready to fire again. "Do you know Mr. Vivek you were in coma for 3 days with blood clots in your brain and this young lady, Natasha was with you at every moment. And when you opened your eyes, you remembered nothing except 'Shreya' and that you hit her and made her paralyzed. That's when doctors and we all knew you had forgot everything about that night and whatever you remembered were just pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. And then with the permission of Natasha, we tried to delete your memory upto that post coma stage and infuse new memories in forms of dreams. And these memories were planned out properly so that you slowly become normal. And you reacted positively to each treatment and sessions that have been continuing for last 1 year. But one thing we are not able to make you believe and that is me, the duplicate Shreya is just a friend of yours."
I was not able to control myself. I started sweating profusely. I didn’t know what happened. I started doubting my existence. I don’t know what happened to me that night. And what I remembered is a mere creation by doctors. Shreya’s denial, my riding over her, and then Natasha comforting me; everything is just a creation? Oh my God. Everything I know about myself is false. Who am I? What happened to me? And where is Shreya?? What happened to her??? My body couldn’t take any more stress and I just fell flat on the floor.
"She ditched you Vivek. She left you in the middle of nowhere. Whereas I took care of you, never slept when you were in coma after being hit by that lady. She left you unconscious. I saw you lying on the floor and took you to hospital. I could have left you in your state but my heart stopped me from leaving you alone. And after you came back from coma, you said a story from your broken pieces of memories and I just knew one thing; that is there was someone named Shreya and that you loved her. I went to your college and inquired about her and finally knew the truth about Shreya and also how good you are. I fell in love with you. But to get you, you had to forget Shreya. If I would have said the truth you would have never agreed to it as you loved her deeply. And that's the only reason, Vivek we needed to create a story in your mind. Because what you knew was false and you didn't have the power to digest the truth. Shreya never deserved you, Vivek; never", said Natasha sometimes holding my hands firmly and sometimes caressing my head. I wanted to shout as my question remain unanswered but my brain told me something's not right and it's better to keep quiet.
I went to my laptop and opened Natasha's facebook profile. Before a year she had unfriended Miss Shreya Sharma and my mind started giving me ideas to go more deep into that past. I opened the account of Shreya Sharma and status last updated a year ago. And it read, "How could the person you love the most have multiple love affairs and still act like nothing happened? #FeelingSad"
When you think a lot about something, God sends you signals. That's what happened and without any reason, I rushed to the police station near our college and asked if there's any missing complaint about Shreya Sharma? And my fears came true. Shreya is missing for last 11 months. And then again I raced my brain to think of something so that I reach to the crux of the story. My sixth sense sensed that there is something both Dr. Priyanka and Natasha are hiding from me. And Dr. Priyanka was the one I need to ask as Natasha was trying to make me believe in her story. A plan was made in the mind. I went to Dr. Priyanka's home. She opened the door and was quite startled to see me. "I have something to say you and ask you doc, and better give your cellphone to me."
"What happened Vivek?" the doc said in a quivering voice. I replied back, "A missing complaint is there at the police station for Shreya Sharma 11 months back. I was hit by something and was in coma during the same time. I loved Shreya. I didn't know who Natasha is. You, doc didn't take my permission or my parents to delete parts of my memory and did that by taking permission of someone I don't even know. Maybe I don't have any strong evidence against you but atleast this much of fact will help the police solve a missing case defaming your morals as a doctor. So, please tell me the truth whatever you know; else I will have to go to police station."
"This is not right", she said. I asked "Really? OK let me go then." "No, please stop. I will tell you but please don't file a complaint to police." I nodded my head just to listen the story.
"Natasha is my best friend", she started "And we both studied in the girl's college located opposite to yours. She was madly in love with you. That's not love. It was her obsession to get you. She used to collect coffee cups from CCD in which you drank coffee. And used to be a silent observer to you, wherever you go. And once she knew you loved Shreya, she became mad. She wanted you. Shreya was a good girl, Vivek and so were you. But your preparations helped Natasha spread false rumors to Shreya that you were not good for Shreya and you had other girls in your life. Even God helped Natasha in achieving her goal of breaking up your relation when Shreya finally broke up with you and her long time lover, Gaurav came for her help and she found solace in him. That night when you went to ask her about her love, Natasha had followed you. Verbal fights ended, when by mistake Shreya hit you hard on that part of brain which made you go into a coma. But that 2-3 hits from Shreya out of anger also made Natasha angry and she did something unexpected. In one line, she killed your Shreya. She murdered her brutally when she saw Shreya hit you out of anger. And then she called me for help. Being a friend, I helped her accomplish a criminal act by bribing the locker room security officer. I knew she could do anything to get you, also kill me. That's why I just did whatever she said. You won't believe but I am also a victim, Vivek. She has threatened me a lot of times when I used to say to her that confess everything to Vivek. Vivek, you are a good man. But I don't think you can escape from her. She is a possessive, obsessive and violent person. That's it, Vivek. That's the truth you needed to know. Don't do anything stupid." I stood up with just one sentence echoing in my head "SHE KILLED YOUR SHREYA.." I didn't know what to do. What can I possibly do? And now, my brain was running out of ideas. How can I confront Natashafor what has she done? My blood was boiling with anger but what could I possibly do?
I returned home. The door was open and no one was seen. Natasha's cellphone was ringing continuously but Natasha was nowhere to be found. I checked her phone. It was from Priyanka. I picked up and asked "What happened?" And with a panicked voice, she asked, "W-wher is Natasha? After you went, I called her and.. t-told her that I told you everything and-d she just cut the call.. W-wherrrr is she, Vivek?" I was almost about to fall listening to those cries by Priyanka but controlled myself and started yelling, "NATASHA, WHERE ARE YOU??" And then as I opened the bathroom, I saw the blood stained wall which read, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU and below the shower was Natasha with her wrist slit. I went near her and a voice came out of me "Why?" There was no answer as she lay dead there under the shower. Her eyes looked as if she suffered a lot of pain before she died. I sat there for sometime thinking about what she did and how she ended herself only because she knew I would never love her again.
A drop of tear came out of my eyes as my heart whispered "She finally killed herself to prove that she only loved you." But my brain interfered, "But, WAS IT LOVE....?"
