Is This Love?

Love "What's love huh? I've known the love that lies between a parent and a child, between the siblings, between the friends, between the cousins, between a teacher and the student but what's that love that everybody talks about, that everyone eagerly wants to be dealt in, which is kept hidden sometimes. I don't know about that love, I have read about it in Nicholas sparks' novels, seen movies based on that but I've never experienced it. They say it's a love between a boy and a girl, a "romantic love relationship" they quote. Actually I'm not even sure I've written it right.

But from past few weeks, I'm feeling an emotion that's so very alien to me. I always seem to be in a confusion or preoccupied.. And I think I know the reason, I think I'm in love with someone.

The guy I'm talking about, I don't know how to describe him, because it's so new to me. I see him everyday, I talk to him sometimes  but everytime my eyes falls on him, I lose my senses, I forget where I am, it's like we two are the only ones existing. But the very next moment the voice inside me which keeps quiet till then starts to talk....It tells me not to see him, not to exaggerate my feelings, not to get into some dreamy world. I've never understood the reason behind it, why would my mind restrict me, does it know it's bad for me, is it in a fear of me getting hurt, I didn't know. But now it seems clear to me because every day I make my self clear that I don't love him, he is not meant for me but as I meet his gaze, I forget everything and again the feeling pops up from nowhere and I know I love this guy. His gleamy eyes, his broad shoulders, his silky hair, the perfume he uses, his whole poster is so perfect. I know I'm attracted to him not only from his physic but the way he talks, the way he maintains his attitude, his laugh ohhhh it's so distracting. But I know I'm nowhere near to him, I'm not at all a suitable person to him.

But today I saw him outside the college near the parking lot, he was in his bike, his face covered in his helmet but his gloomy eyes met mine, even before that electric feeling comes back, I was distracted and forced myself to see her standing next to him. The moment my eyes fell on her beautiful posture I knew they were in relation. I couldn't stand there, i didn't dare to meet his gaze again. So I walked past him but I could sense his eyes on me. I didn't stop to have a look on him, as I always do, because I knew she was going to sit in his bike and embrace him. I surely knew that my heart would break at that sight, so I walked away from them; away from him.

Amidst all these odds I knew I had fallen for him completely because for the first time in all these years, I felt jealous of a girl for being with her beloved, with the guy I'm in love with.

I know I've entered into a world where my heart would break frequently but rather than safe guarding it inside me and letting it turn into a soulless and empty vessel, I want that to break, I want that to respond, I want that to feel the pain just like everyone else are feeling, maybe then, it would prove to many that even I can feel.....