Love, Unpossesed

"You're perfect for me, Sophia." He said with pleading eyes. 

Sophia looked confused, not knowing what to do next. She tried to remember his name, but couldn't. One of her class guys, or probably a senior, for sure.

"I'll think about it." She replied with a sheepish smile, and went off hurriedly, as fast as her small feet could take her.

Sophia isn't particularly beautiful, in fact downright plain. Not very tall, almost short-heighted. Her round face with basic features can be observed as pretty, at most. But she has an inexplicable charm, which makes everyone go head over heels for her. Those clear, black eyes seem to be the reflection of her soul, which makes the onlooker pour out their deepest thoughts, without the fear of being misjudged.

The corridors buzzed with action. A group of students lazed out in a corner, laughing. People rushed past, with assignments in hand, deadlines to be met. A lone girl perched on the banister; reading, with earphones plugged in.

"That's what I love about college; it never seems to be sedentary, always on the move." She thought cheerfully, as she breezed past the corridor.

 Sophia had a magnetic personality, she was always the most desired. People flocked to her, but she was just not interested; did not put any effort to be the talk of the town. This was something she was naturally endowed with; and hence, didn't care.

**********

"I will not… I just cannot… at this point at least."

"You have to." Father replied with his usual, unyielding expression. "Moreover, this is not a choice."

 Twilight filled the living room, darkness yet to descend. It was modest, the room. A big divan on which father sat, always. A pair of sofas with a table kept in the center. A wooden showcase, filled with trivial things sat opposite the divan. A television was kept on it. News channels. Always.

"Look Sophie, you've got to do this." Father sighed. "I have never stopped you from doing anything. But this is something important, your whole life. Sandeep is a good guy. Self- made, investment banker, what else do you want? Do you think I'll let you ruin your life with one of those lads you roam around with?

"They are my friends." 

"Do you think I don't know?"

"Don't you trust me, papa? I don't want to be with them, or that guy Sandeep, or anyone. I just want to be with myself. I want to—"

"That's enough. None of this nonsense now. You are going to marry Sandeep, and that's final."

Sophia felt numb. She came to her room slowly and sat down on the window sill. Tears flowed freely, without her even noticing. This was not how she had pictured her life.

"I wanted to dance, to sing, to fly, fly high, be myself, by myself. Or is it too much to ask for?"

The darkness had enveloped everything outside. The black sky had no stars. She could hear the crickets sing. A sweet wind was blowing, making the trees rustle contently. Night jasmines bloomed outside her window, filling the room with their faint, earthy aroma.

"It can't be that bad. You've got to live, anyhow" she said, gathering herself.

"Besides, life doesn't stop, even in darkness." 

**************

"You look lovely today!" she exclaimed, complimenting the roses in her small terrace garden. Sophia had a way with them–these flowers; in fact, she had a way with everyone. Almost everyone, from Sandeep's upmarket colleagues to the most neglected child of the 10 storey building in which they lived, would flock to her. She would listen to them eagerly, as if they meant the world to her. 

"You started again?" Sandeep asked, unbuttoning his striped shirt, now creased. 

"What?"

"Blabbering away to yourself," sarcasm showing all over his dark face.

"I am talking to my roses. " She said, stroking them softly.

"You're hopeless." He concluded with a pointed laugh, and went off to change into his pyjamas.

Sandeep was as hard-working as a person can be. He was 'the perfect man'; honest, sincere, career oriented. He was tall, with a plain face and serious looking countenance. Didn't like talking to people much, just the opposite of his wife. In their seven years of marriage, Sophia had grown accustomed to his ways and could think of nothing to complain about. Yet, something was wrong, something so deep she couldn't even find it. Maybe she wanted him to slow down a bit and think beyond work. Maybe she wanted him to be less perfect.

*

 The hall was brightly lit with tables kept at equal distances. Middle-aged bankers huddled in small groups discussing share markets and their wives in other groups, discussing their husbands. Corporate parties were boring.

"Meet my wife, Sophia." Sandeep said in a formal tone, introducing her.

Sophia saw a man of about her age extending his hand to her for a greeting. Not very tall, in fact much shorter than Sandeep, and broader; with short cropped hair.

"Good to meet you. I am Raman, Raman Sahni" he said with an insolent smile and small, twinkling eyes.

"Raman is our new marketing head, and he is pretty good at it." Sandeep said.

"You are blowing it up, mate" he replied, blushing. Turning to Sophia he said, "I am quite new here, not many friends, you know. Could you show me around?"

Sophia couldn't help admiring him. He was good at making friends, and didn't need her help at all. He was witty and confident. And yet, there was something about him much more than his suave personality. He didn't seem proud of his ways, deep inside, she could see that he was sensitive. She had a feeling that he knew her inside out in such a brief meeting, much more than Sandeep had ever known.

*

"I've brought you a petunia plant." Raman said, in his usual playful way.

Raman now regularly visited her and brought exotic gifts which Sophia absolutely loved. They even went shopping together. Sophia found that he knew the little details about women's interests like clothes unlike other men who dismissed it as trivial and that made him seem more irresistible. For the first time in many years, she had genuinely felt alive. Sandeep didn't seem to mind her growing intimacy with him, or just didn't care, she couldn't tell the difference.

"Sandeep's not home yet?" asked Raman.

"No, he often comes late."

" What takes up so much of his time?"

" I…I don't know. He doesn't like to tell, you know."

"Yeah, I get it. Everything is alright, between you two, right? Are…are you happy, Sophia?

Sophia looked in his eyes, she could see that he honestly loved her. They were in her flat, seated on the sofa. The room was dimly lit, twilight giving it an other-worldly touch. It was her living room, adequately furnished, with some cookies and tea kept demurely on the table. Raman had barely touched them. He was looking at her, she had a feeling that he could comprehend her sadness, despite her pretensions of being happy. She felt herself drawn towards him, they held hands, looked into each other's eyes, everything else fell apart. She wanted to forget her husband, but couldn't. She now found that she was in Raman's arms and a minute later heard the door open suddenly. 

"You cheat… How could you?" Sandeep shouted. 

 "You are getting it all wrong." Sophia found herself replying in a cool voice "We were just–" 

"Having a good time I suppose?" 

 "You are messing things up, brother." Raman said hastily, with obvious nervousness. 

 "You must leave. I will talk to you later." Sophia said turning to him, with an air of calmness although trembling from within. Raman left reluctantly. 

 Sandeep sat down with a jerk, as if his knees gave in to the pressure. There was silence, for a timeless time, except for the wall clock ticking away. 

 

"Look, " Sophia finally said, gathering herself. " I assure you that I haven't done anything wrong". 

"Wrong? You've… You've broken my trust." 

 "You have never trusted me, you've never trusted anyone, you've never thought about anyone except yourself." 

She left the room, her temples throbbing with pain; she could almost sense an incomprehensible grief enveloping her. 

Sophia came to her room and sat down, crying helplessly.

"How can I do such a thing? What had gotten over me? Sandeep is my husband and I cannot betray him, however awful our relationship might be" she thought.

"That's it." She said aloud, wiping her tears.

 She got up, pulled out her suitcase from the cupboard and started packing her clothes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sandeep asked fiercely, suddenly at the door.

"I cannot stay any longer."

"You are not going anywhere" he commanded with an unreadable expression.

Sophia looked up at him, confused. Why does this man want to stay with a disloyal wife? She looked at him closely and saw that his eyes were red.

"He's been crying! Why, Sandeep never cries, at least I have never seen him." Sophia thought, surprised.

"You are my wife, I hope you remember that. It will be improper on my part to let you go like this." He said slowly.

"But, you don't trust me and I—"

"Not a single word more." He said sternly.

He took the suitcase from her, shoved it back into the cupboard and went away. Sophia was left alone in the room, feeling exhausted.

Sophia woke up with a start and glanced at the watch: 9 am! She got up and went to the living room. Sandeep was having his breakfast, stale chapatis from dinner smeared with fruit jam. He ignored her presence and went past her, kept the empty plate in the kitchen, took his briefcase and left, banging the door behind him.

   They didn't talk at all now; not that they did much earlier. But now there grew a void between them and both seemed to be scared to look past it. Sophia missed Raman badly, although she hated to admit it. 

 One Sunday morning, there was a knock at the door. Sandeep opened and saw Raman outside.

"What are you doing here? Sandeep asked furiously.

"Please, give me a minute and I'll leave then." Raman said. He forcefully entered and closed the door behind him.

 He came and sat on the sofa. Sandeep followed him, anger and dismay showing plain on his face. Sophia entered the room and Raman looked at her, his eyes did not have any twinkle left in them.

"Please listen to me Sandeep; you have the most awesome wife in the world. Don't do this to her. You love her; I have seen it in you. You are proud of her, the way she is so different from others. Please don't ruin this. Let her do what she wants, let her— "

"You are no one to tell me how I should be with her." Sandeep said, his face like a rock. "Leave, now."

Raman got up dejectedly and cast a quick glance at Sophia, who tried to smile, but failed. He then left.

************

It had all happened in a jiffy. Beads of perspiration still hung on her forehead, her heart was pounding relentlessly. She had found Sandeep reeling on the floor, his hand pressed to his chest. A minute later, he was unconscious. Sophia was holding him throughout. It seemed hours before the ambulance came. While going to the hospital, she could think of only one person: Raman. She called him up hastily.

"Raman, Sandeep—we are taking him to the hospital. He has had a heart attack and I could not think of anyone else. Can you—"

"What? I am coming, don't worry."

Raman had arrived at the hospital, held Sophia's hands and said, "He'll be fine. Stay calm. You don't have to worry about anything. I'm here with you."

 And now, as Sophia sat impatiently, Raman paced up and down the busy corridor, talking to nurses now and then.

"Ma'am, we require you to pay this bill." A nurse said, approaching Sophia.

"Oh, I haven't brought any money. It happened so quickly. I'll go and—"

"No need, here." Raman said, taking the bill.

"Thanks, thanks a lot."

"Don't ever say that."

"He had a minor heart attack. Nothing to worry now." The doctor said, coming towards them. Sophia heaved a sigh of relief.

"But how did this happen, doctor? I mean, he's young; not that old." asked Raman.

"Lifestyle issues, it's quite common nowadays. It could also be because of taking too much stress. He is alright now; we will discharge him in a couple of days."

"Can we see him?" Sophia asked gingerly.

"Yeah, sure. I'll talk to you later."

As she sat beside Sandeep and put her hand softly on his arm, he slowly opened his eyes. Raman stood at a distance behind Sophia.

"Everything is good, you will be fine now." Sophia whispered to him.

"I…I am sorry, Sophia. I am a jerk. That day, I knew you couldn't do something like that, I knew it. But I was so furious because… I loved you."

"There, don't stress yourself out." Sophia said, smiling warmly.

"Raman, thank you for everything. You were so good to me, even after what I did. That day, you tried to make me understand, but even then I messed up everything."

"I just wanted to see you two happy, bro."

"It was when I had this attack, I had a glimpse of Sophia and I realized how wrong I had been. I had been so busy; it had all been for you Sophia, trust me. But I should have stopped and tried to simply be with you." Sandeep said, and despite the illness, his eyes were glowing.

"Don't talk too much now, I'll be back in a minute." Sophia said and almost ran outside the room. She sat on the bench kept beside the door. She couldn't help smiling. This seemed like a dream, it cannot be true.

"You love her, don't you?" Sandeep asked Raman casually.

"Yeah, I do, more than anyone else." Raman answered, truth showing plain on his face.

"Then why didn't you tell her? You could have made Sophia forget me."

"That's because I love her, truly. And I knew you loved her as well, the way you didn't let her leave. I couldn't destroy your marriage for my selfish reasons. True love doesn't seek possession, but only itself, brother. I only want to see Sophia happy, always."

*******************