Loving Myself

 

It’s a quarter past six of a cool pleasant morning. I gazed out o the window. The sun was eventually conquering the dim light. The moon and its glory were slowly fading and the imperatorial mighty sun was proudly rising like a roaring lion.

“ Varada…where is my coffee?” Raghav asked hurriedly while stepping out of the bathroom after his shower.

Varada’s string of consensus got broken.

“Here it is…” she handed the cup of coffee to Raghav.

Raghav was busy getting ready. He murmured, “ The cab may be waiting outside…”

“When will you be back?” Varada couldn’t resist herself.

“Varada, am going for a business conference and not for a family get together. I will be back once my goals are accomplished. You are used to these for the last twenty-seven years but still asking the same. It may take a few days or even weeks. Don’t ask such bizarre questions.”Raghav replied flatly.

Varada stood speechless.

Within a minute or two Raghav slipped out of the room and rushed towards the cab.

Varada came outside following Raghav. He swiftly jumped into the cab and it moved towards the airport. He waved his hands.

“Do call once you reach….” Varada said in her low voice which perhaps Raghav didn’t hear.

Varada was married at the age of twenty-four after completing her post-graduation in English literature. Her father was a retired postmaster and her mother was a school teacher. Raghav’s family had a business. They were tycoons in the textile industry. Earlier his father took up the business trips and negotiations. Later the responsibility shifted to their only son Raghav.

Initially, everything seemed unconventional and hypocritic to Varada in the mansion of Raghav. But she slowly moulded herself as per the whims and fancies of her in-laws and husband. She left her job as a teacher and became a full-time daughter the law of an elegant aristocratic family.

In a year she became a mother of a baby girl. Two years since she had a baby boy too. Her kids Ankita and Aswin took the lion’s share of her priorities. Her day, night and life changed. She surrendered herself for the well being of her family. She understood her duties, and responsibilities as a mother and wife.

Her kids grew and so did their business empire too. Earlier Raghav spared some time for family and kids, but later when the reign came under his control he turned workaholic. He hardly had time to speak with Varada or the kids.

Slowly kids attained teenage. Varada ensured her kids get a nutritious and balanced diet. She helped them in their studies and stood as a pillar of support in every need. She accompanied kids to drawing classes, karate classes and swimming classes. She took them to attend sports and arts eve too. She understood busy Raghav's hectic schedule. So she took up the role of a mom and dad too.

Her kids grew and Ankita completed her studies. Varada looked for a suitable alliance and her search ended with Dr Akhil, a renowned paediatrician at City hospital. Raghav didn’t have any difference of opinion and Ankita was married off with pomp and pride.

Varada felt a hollow in her heart, a space Ankita left.

Eventually, Aswin was over with his studies. He didn’t want to pursue his family business and flew away to Denmark as he got his campus placement. Aswin’s migration disheartened Varada. She had no one to talk with or share. She felt lonely and very low. Her only ray of hope was the time when her phone rang when Aswin and Ankita would call upon their mother.

She understood her kids for whom she surrendered the good part of her life are self-dependent now. Vardas days and nights became suffocating for want of company. Raghav’s business trips and conferences kept him busy all through. Varada wanted to tell her daughter about the emotional and physical stress she is undergoing, but Ankita was preoccupied with her household chores, in the same way as Varada was in her 25’s.

Slowly mental agony and stress grew and she succumbed to the disease. Once she fainted in her home and the gardener took her to hospital.

A young and dynamic doctor examined her “Madam, your physical health is deteriorating for want of mental peace. You can ward off all these once you stop overthinking and straining yourself.”

“I am alone…I have no one to talk with…” Varada couldn’t resist her tears and they rolled down her cheek.

“I know you would have taken care of your kids and family. But now all flew away. Now it’s your time. You take care of yourself and start loving yourself. In this era of social mapping, no one is alone. You think about a fresh start and do everything that keeps you engaged and busy. am sure your health will be more invigorating and life will be blessed once you try this.” The doctor said with a mischievous smile.

Varada kept on weeping and sobbing for hours. She sat back and thought upon the doctor’s words.

Raghav was back after two weeks. It was quarter past six.

“Varada…. Get me my coffee..” Raghav said in his usual tone and retired to his sofa.

“Our servant Damu will get it for you”

“Why?? Where are you going?” Raghav asked sarcastically.

“I am leaving for my yoga classes,” Varada replied flatly.

“Then breakfast?” Raghav couldn’t believe it.

“After my yoga classes am having online tuitions. In the evening I have offline classes too at Biju’s Academy.” Varada said arranging her grammar books.

“Are you muddle head or what? Who will take care of the home? Next week my sister and her kids are coming. Who will manage home if you start going for these ridiculous jobs.” Raghav said in a rage of anger.

“I know my worth and I have paid dearly for every ounce of it……”

“What…..??”

“My life and my love both were my kids and family. I subdued my 26 years of unremunerable service for nurturing my family. I stood with you and our kids whenever you needed me. I realize that everyone has priorities and hectic schedules except me. My unconditional love for you all was taken for granted. But now since all are self-dependent, I started loving and caring myself. Isn’t that too important?”

Raghav kept his mouth wide open.

Varada continued “ Yes….that is important too. I understand that physical health is affirmed on the pillar of mental health, life has more worth when our peace is at stance. As I joined yoga, I started rediscovering and rejuvenating myself. As I restarted my teaching, it kept me engaged and that helped me to evade my physical stress and induced well being in me. I can feel the difference” Varada said in excitement. Please don’t decline this request of mine.” Varada looked deep into Raghav’s eye.

“Mmmmm….I support…Just go ahead and chase your dreams which I unknowingly chained long back….Your physical and mental health is more important….”Raghav said with a smile.

Varada couldn’t believe her ears. She hugged Raghav