No Marriage or Stay-at-Home Hubby!

“Mom, how many times do I have to say to you that I don't want to get married? Why do you keep forcing me to get married?, Anshi shouted at her mother in another fit of anger.

Her mother shouted back, “You are turning 30 this year. If you are not going to get married now, then when? Don't you want to have kids or want a life partner till when are we going to be there for you?“

“And why the hell do you don't want to get married? Give me 2 good reasons and I will never ask again.“

“Cant, you see me happy herewith you? I don't want to cook roties for my husband. I don't want that responsibility. Is having a child everything in this world? Cant I live alone with you people? I am happy I don't want the extra burden of having an additional family and listening to their drama and tantrums. You people are already enough for me. Also, I don't think I can handle a husband.“

Her mother exasperated shouted, “Care to tell me why the hell will you won't be able to handle a husband?“

Anshi, “See, I am professionally sound and earning a good income. You know very well that being in a government sector ( Banker), I have a transferable job. Whoever you are going to find for me will either belong to the IT sector or from the government sector itself. 

If from IT, he won't be able to come to my place of posting since I will be getting posting at all the wired places across India and I will get transferred every three years.

For a government sector employee, he will either be posted in the main cities and if he is a banker, then he'll be posted at even wired places than me since he is a boy.

So if you want us to live separately only, then why bother with marrying at all. And if you think, I will sacrifice my promotions or my career just to stay with a husband at his place of posting, then you are surely wrong.

If you wanted that, then you shouldn't have made me an engineer and let me get a government sector job. I have done enormous hard work for this job and not just that, even in the job I have put my many years of hard work which I will not let go in vain.“

Her mother unable to find any solution said, “So what do want you want to remain unmarried all throughout life? You might think it's all good and rosy now but it won't be much longer.“

“Mom, I understand your concern but you have to understand mine too. What is the point of getting married if we won't be able to live together? Al the females working in my office are living alone with their kids, somehow managing the balance between the kids, husband, in-laws, parents, and office.

Not one but everyone, I can literally tell you each and everyone one of them are much more efficient and intelligent than their husbands but are now at a lower grade than them because they sacrificed for their family. I am not saying that they made the wrong choice. It was their priority that's why they made those choices.

But it isn't mine. For me, my career is very important. I have the ambition to go to the top and I want to achieve my dream at all costs. I know a family is very important but I have you people. I know you don't want me to be alone and want to get married at the right time mom, but those things will come in between my dream and me.

 If you guarantee me that the person who marries me will be willing to come with me to all the places of posting. He will not pressurize me to leave my job or my promotions. He will be with me at all points of time like you have been with dad, then I am more than willing to marry that person happily.

I agree that everyone has different priorities, most women like even you had placed your family above your career and I am thankful for that I am really thankful to God that I have been given such a wonderful mother but I am sorry, I am not like that.” 

However we might have evolved and changed, still, the girl is only expected to make all the sacrifices. You and his family, both will expect me only to leave my promotions. Everyone will expect me only to take care of the kids to make the food in the morning and evening. Even if we get a maid, then it will be expected of me only to take care of and manage all the things in the household.

Mom, ” So what's wrong in that Anshi even I am doing all this, aren't I? I have been doing it happily and one can manage it all with a job also. I did too.

Anshi, Mom yes you managed it all but now times have changed. You managed it with a teaching job, I go at 9.30 and come back at 8 in the night. How can you expect me to manage everything? You might have but I am not capable of doing it.

Mom, You are obviously earning well so you can have a full-time maid. she will have the food ready and everything will be there for you.

Anshi,” that's the mom, but even with a maid, I will be expected to make the roties. my mother in law won't like it eating a maids hand roti. She will want me to overlook the after cleaning. Even if the maid takes care of the kids, I will be expected to manage everything mom which won't be possible for me. Many of my colleagues have full-time maids, but they are even more concerned. They have their own tantrums and then you cannot do or wear anything in the house due to lack of privacy. On top of that, there is always the drama of them going on leave or stealing something. getting a full-time maid is even more hectic than having a husband.

Mom, Then what do you want?

Anshi, Mom I have already told you that there are only two solutions to this problem. First, I don't get married at all and remain happy. But if you are so hellbent on getting me married, then the only next option is that of a Househusband.

Mom, What?

Anshi, Mom, it's the 21st century. You don't have to react like this. A stay-in-home husband who will be at home at all ties like you are a homemaker, he will be too. He can do any work he likes like freelancing and all but has to stay at home. If he can do his job online, then he can take care of the home while I focus on my career. I won't ask him to be the breadwinner because that will be purely my job, he just has to take care of our home. Give me a warm cup of tea when I get home and just enjoy it at home.

Mom, How is that even possible? Wont his parents object to that? It means you will have to work throughout your life and what will happen when you will deliver a baby or you want that it will be delivered by him too?

Anshi laughing, I would very much want him to deliver if he can. although technology hasn't evolved at that level yet. and mom, I get 6 months of maternity leave, that is enough. after that he will take care of the baby. and yes, I want to work throughout my life that's what I want. 

His parents objecting is indeed a point to be kept in mind. That is where your role comes and you need to find a guy for me who is willing to become my house husband, oh I mean, Stay-Át-Home Husband.