Seeking Answers

I'm a human of an open mind and a closed mouth. An open soul and a closed shell. I let my mind explore, things that I wish not to be noticed inquiring aloud. I let my soul wander, places that I wish not to be noticed wandering.

For someone like this, the best conversationalist is their own mind. For they answer questions they knew not they possessed the answers to. But do we not all ask questions we're too afraid to answer ourselves? If you wish to ask, you are capable of an answer. You just have to look deep enough. Just have to open your mind to yourself. To accept yourself for everything that you are. To run not from it, but to embrace it. You will be surprised as to just how much you are capable of answering your own mysteries.

I ask myself a lot questions. Questions day and night. About others, about myself. For I'm just as curious to explore myself, as I am to anyone else. I then ask, to my constant companion, to my dearest confidant, to my wisest respondent, to nobody but my own mind, "What pleasure can I expect to win in life, with a heart of gold but one that's broken? For how could I live, pleasing everyone else but failing miserably to please myself?"

To which it replied sincerely, "Oh my dear, but what shall you win with a heart that's dark, but perfectly mended? For it will not bloom a single flower in anyone's but your own garden. Can you live, so in vain, that all your pleasures, fade into silence, as your own heart's beating does?" and so I wondered, "Which should I prefer? Should I then live in obliteration, remedying every heart but my own? Or shall I please myself to my heart's wide and infinite extent, caring not a penny for the pain of another? Tell me, will you, which manner of life is worthwile to me, and which, to me, is vain?"

It then laughed out his heart to me, and said with words that pierced my soul, "With what hope of an answer, do you ask of me, this question? I know what you ask, and I know what you want to hear. You want to hear it's not cruel to care about yourself. Then I shall tell you, it's most certainly not. It is perfectly acceptable for you to think not of one soul else, but your own.

But I know as well, that this is only what you wish to hear, not what you wish to obey. Only hearing that you should be thinking of your happiness, is enough a fuel for you to go on and think of others'. You believe not, a life spent in remedying broken hearts as yours, is a life spent in vanity. For you do it under no obligation to anyone at all. You would break your own heart a million times before you would touch to damage another's. That is the manner of life, a manner which will make you not happy, but a harbinger of happiness. And that certainly shall not be a life lived in vain. For otherwise, you shall have lived for no reason at all."

Ask yourself, why you live and how. And answer yourself, with both what you wish to hear and what you require hearing. It is impossible for one to understand perfectly, the heart of another's. We shall rather spend our time trying to understand our own self, as that is more of significance and advantage than it is to understand anybody else's.