The Dream of a Ridiculous Man in 21st Century (Part-3)

Hey! Bipu? Who are I ?

Hahaha.....hahahaha....Funny Mann....

I wanted to say ‘Who am I?’

I was kidding lah…. I was praying at the central mosque of IIUM and it came to my mind. Consciousness. Science can't explain consciousness. Do only humans have consciousness? What a vague silly definition! Fuck it. Do you know how particles behave in the double slid experiment? I forget already the name of that experiment but I read somewhere that particles behave in 2 ways like when we look at it and it behaves normally but if we do not look at it it behaves like a wave. You fucking go and search, but my point is that is the particle got consciousness? The definition of consciousness must be widened. I went to the zoo Negara and I experienced 100 of deer running toward us when they saw food at us. They have consciousness too but they can't express it. We have means to express but they do not have it. As simple as that. Did you read Sophia’s World? Or Ibn Arabi’s work? Dream within a dream. Well… let's look at inside our body. Millions or trillions of bacteria are there. Well, these bacteria got consciousness too. They know reproduction and fight with our immune system and when our immune system is distorted and they attack and when we die these bacteria would eat our body. We are constantly on the battlefield in nature. It is not like we won in the vagina out of a trillion rather we still fight. Yesterday I was shocked to see I can put my concentration in different parts of the body at the same time like I feel the tip of my finger at my leg and I can feel tip of my finger at my hand and I travel to my ear. Is not it funny? I can revolve around my body. My consciousness can travel within my body. Trillion neurons need to pass within seconds. Subhanallah… I am not talking about God of the Gap but it is so strange. The human genome project, the discovery of trillions of galaxies. Are not they strange? I was reading Ibn Haytham and he read the Quranic verse and did an experiment saying Moon is reflected light since the Arabic term used ‘Munir’. It is a passive word but for moon it is ‘noor’ an active word.

I was thinking how Nietzsche took the positivist idea. A . Duhring criticized Schopenhauer and Nietzsche took that idea for Will to Power. Strange to think, is not it? Copy and paste system…..hahahaha…. Religion and Pessimism both are none-existence in positivism. We see facts in the real world. What is the cause of suffering? There are some physical issues. Lets say a building has collapsed like Rana Plaza and so many people died and some are handicapped and we blame God and fate and we grew up pessimistic approach to life but when we came out from these events we see thousands living in peace next to that place. We forget these happy living and we are concerned with these injured people. That is biasness. What is truth to you may not be truth to me. Come on man….hahahaha

What I was saying? Hahaha I notice some lecturers use this sentence during lectures. I thought I will write about the Plane of existence today. It is not a plane that we fly. Do not get confused. I am talking about ontology. Is not the idea came from human minds? Have you read Isuzu's book? He compares Taoism and Islamic Sufism. The idea is similar actually. 5 planes of existence. First is the Absolute or Mystery of mysteries. Ibn Arabi says the same shit. Later I find Ikhwan as-Safa said same shit from Neo-Platonists and then I find Socrates also talking about this Absolute concept. So fucked up. This is like Peterson said the bible is the product of mass scholars of the past. I guess he was supporting father's concept of Freud. In Moses and Monotheism, Freud talked about how God evolved. Nietzsche introduced this idea I guess and maybe Nietzsche got this idea from Feuerbach. Who knows? We suffer and we scold to unknown. All the philosophers and Sufis were delusional for positivists. They negate this ontological ground. I was also thinking okey. Imagine there is the absolute (Mystery of mysteries) that is absolute transcendental in the universe and the rest come from that absolute and that is the original reality of the universe and that is ultimate consciousness but how this consciousness came into existence? In Islam, Muhammad said that if this thought comes into our mind that who created God? You say, ‘ Aujubillah hi minas shaitanir rajim’. Okey we do but confusion is there. Now modern explanation came how the universe came into existence out of nothing. Then the definition of nothing is that nothing is actually something….hahahaha….. affirmation and negation for Taoists and Ibn Arabi. The example was given as wind like we can not see wind but inside wind got power. That means that nothing is actually something. Hahaha… these philosophers and scientists are crazy…hahaha….Smart are prophets actually. They keep silent about the ontological nature of God. See how Islam talks about the throne and pedestal but Muhammad is silent about the nature of God. I mean how God looks like. There is nothing like him but we see human attributes of God and obviously, that’s where psychologists claim that God is the production of human mind. Who knows? I am Muslim by the way no matter what…hahahaha.. I feel peace and tranquility in praying. Weather it makes sense or not I do not give damn. So long I am okey. The concept of Tawhid I mean when it comes to Muhammad is very straightforward. You just believe in one God and pray, give zakat, hajj, fasting. It is easy for me. That’s why I accept till death to be a muslim. I do not care if you like it or not. You can call me a hypocrite and what not. I really do not care. I scold myself as hypocrite and I consider everyone is a hypocrite sometimes. I think I have a cynical worldview but when I thought maybe this is my mental health problem.

Then, I showed positivity to everything but see one student told me yesterday, ‘ You can fly to Penang but you can not buy a belt for your pants’. Actually, in the afternoon my friend was also attacked by a rich student. The poor student went to Bukit Bintang and took food in Rosona Bilas restaurant and when he went to pay bill, he saw he has lack of money and he called that rich student and the rich student paid but yesterday he was accusing him that he can not eat there and he should not go there since he does not have money. This accusation was logical and rational for the rich student but here I fuck and blame God and fate. I feel sorry for this poor student. You can ask why? Actually I face this situation and I really do not borrow from people. I prefer to die with no food but I do not like to borrow from these rich bastards. I hate these bastards. My friend who accused me went to Penang and came with a flight. That’s okay because they have money but when it comes to that boy taking food at Bukit Bintang, that’s a problem because he was a poor guy. In fact, a lecturer said once I saw one student went to an expensive restaurant that I even do not go and when I see these students, I feel like not giving that student a scholarship. Such a fucking mentality we develop toward the lower class. I myself had the same feeling actually towards my friend but why do we develop this mentality? ( But one day one of my professors told that when he was working as a dean and many lecturers complained about some students having iPhones but the rector AHAS listened and refused their accusations and gave them scholarships saying this is not their business and this is between God and them. I said if we had this sort of rector....what an excellent justification! I love this concept...I hate fucking backbiting by these dirty staff and lecturers regarding these youth students. These staff are fucking jealous at students' youthfulness that they can't enjoy like that time any longer(sexually speaking from Freudian stance). that's why I term them hypocrites jealous staff justified their stance by the name of religious ethics. Deep down they are just jealous like shit) You know my friend’s father died 3 years ago and he has been trying to finish his degree. He got a mental problem like he saw Jinn talking. Hallucination I mean. He studied and went to the psychiatrist and tried to recover. He prays 5 times regularly. When his father was alive, he got enough money and friends and now his father died and office staffs and my friends' circle behave as if he is a dog and lower class citizen in this university. That’s how evolution of psychology works I guess.You know I know that nobody cares that’s why I have decided I will write for myself. Writing is my way to express my inner mind and I am the reader and I am the writer and I do not give fuck to anyone. So long I can read and write I do not give a damn. I tell my story to myself. I love it and I enjoy it nowadays and I am being used to with it. Have you thought of your existence? I told my friend one day. Imagine you went to Bukit Bintang at 10:00 pm exactly and you stand up in front of the fountain and you would notice nobody knows you and all finish their work and shopping and going home. Some are taking selfies alone or groups and nobody knows you. You have nobody there. Nobody notices you. At the very moment, you are insignificant to your surrounding but you had a name, fame and everything in your village, city or university but there you are completely unknown. You have existence there perhaps but nobody cares your existence. The world will move on even if you do not stand up there, Bukit Bintang is busy with people whether you be there or not. You come after 10 years and you find they are busy as usual. The people you see there today maynot see them anymore after 10 years. Or you may find few familiar faces but after another 20 years you would find nobody you knew of but the business is still there. Such a scary existence you are in and you have to appreciate your existence and you must be busy with tasks to forget your existential problem. This sort of thinking is a disease since religion and pessimism are not the reality for positivists. Determinism works here. Hence, you just be busy with your work, have food, have sex, produce children, take responsibility, and die at old age. No pessimism is there.

This is Nature and this is evolution. Billions of plants and animals went by like this way for the last few billion years. Your belief, your action nothing matters. Maybe for few centuries or lets say 1 m years you will be remembered and after another 4 hundred million years later your name would be none-existence forever. If Allah exists, you have an advantage at least. Is not it? Hahaha…You have someone to punish if you are a machoist….hahaha….at least you get a father. You get a God. You get a guardian to punish but if He is not , then appreciate this life to stare at the night sky, the people, the blue haven, the blue water, the beautiful mountain with snow. The snow street that I have dreamt to visit one day. The northern light. Antarctica. So on. Appreciate and celebrate your existence but the most beautiful thing for me is the girl that I saw yesterday in the mountain. The best feeling ever. When I left that place, I realized I missed the most beautiful feeling ever. That is divine. That is serotonin or what chemical? Divine is to remember the best feeling and serotonin is to reduce and say all are fake…..hahahaha