The Engineered God - S01E03

"THE END."

"Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality?"

So it was my senior secondary.The Three years that changed me from a believer, avid thinker, dreamy eyed boy to a suicidal head case with nothing to believe in, nothing to look forward to. No dreams, No interests just the task of living and for that I needed something to believe. No more Cells, Brain, Current, Newton, Colors, Universe, Skies, Chemicals, Computers. I hate them now. I hate you now. I hate more things than I love. But I loved chilling.

" Would it be a bible if I tell you that I don’t love you ?"

Nothing to do with my time, Nothing to look forward to, No Grades to worry for. So I did the one thing I could do best, Chill. I chilled and I chilled hard. I was finally in a college. In a good college. Mechanical Engineering had lot of disadvantages but there was one advantage though. You don’t have to worry about Job in mechanical, you won’t get it. So I was free. Free from the compulsion to study, Free from any pressure to do anything. Free with nothing to do with my time. So I started doing the things most college students do with their time. I started watching T.V. series. Game of thrones, Breaking Bad, House of cards, Dexter, Sherlock, True Detective, Prison Break, Friends, Big Bang theory, Westworld, Arrow and many more I don’t even remember the names now. I watched them and I watched them all. The definition of pass time was changed from those starry musical evenings to S05E10.

There was but One advantage of college. You get to know more faces, more fun stories to hear, more chit-chats and more Beer. So that was my usual day in college. 1 Class, 2 meals, 3 cigarettes, 4 cup tea, 5 episodes, 6 hour sleep, 7 friends and unlimited stories. That was my usual day. Stories they share about How they got here, where they belong to, battles they fought, songs they hear, their ambitions, choices, decisions, aim, dedication, hopes. But the things I liked most in the stories was their enthusiasm in telling it. It reveals it all. Fun was what I was having. What you need more in life. Enough coins to buy accessories and enough time to kill your time in whatever way you want doing whatever the fuck you want. No batshit crazy battle to fight. No task is the best task. and grades, yes I had grades. Descent enough to look good, Low enough not to raise any expectations but still high enough to show that you are still better than most. But i didn’t care. I didn’t care for job, i didn’t care for grades, I didn’t care for girls, i didn’t care for trades. No FUCKS GIVEN was my policy. I was fed up. Fed up taking care for exams, Fed up taking care of battles, Fed up with the grown up talks. I was relentless. Then somebody introduced me to the plant which is both cheaper and greener than fuel, has no side effects*, helps you relax, increases imagination, reduces migraine and almost legal in U.S. I am not gonna sit here and pretend to know all of the effects of that plant. I am not going to post online in the favor of that plant which is illegal in our country. Maybe i’ll say that name in an interview, but not right now. Even God has limits. Well that was just the beginning of a beautiful journey. That’s my day now. Watching documentaries, science shows, fiction, horror, comedy. Trying to feel different emotions. Emotions drives it all. The movies which most of the world likes coincides with what they desire the most. What movies you like is a clear representation of who you are. I can look at the list of your favourite 10 movies and develop a mental image of you. which you most probably truly are. But that is only when you try enough things on your platter. I tried more than enough and most of the things i love represents me perfectly. I was purposeless. I want to be purposeless. Maybe I’ll name the story purposeless. I love being purposeless and I always want to be this way. Maybe I’ll get it tattooed. Maybe I’ll colour my hair white for no purpose. That will show that this one’s different. I don’t want unique. I don’t believe in living uniquely. I want everyone to live my way. Purposeless. I don’t have anything to believe in. Anywhere to go to. I want stories. Living is tougher than ever.

"" I am anti-social because this society is not beautiful enough.

This society isn’t fair. I can’t change it but I want to see it fair. It makes me hate ourselves. Fucking beasts. But there were smart people before me. They knew better. But they couldn’t change it. I don’t know why you go to work you hate. I can’t believe. Can we keep that and reconstruct it in a way where everyone will be happy all the time.

Don’t forget the rules, Bro.

Can you actually believe that or it’s just a dream of a silly mind. A world where we can all live purposelessly. It’s only when you are purposeless when you can truly explore.""

There should be no motive. No motive to disappoint you. Do what we love. But can it even be possible because it’s against the rules. There is life but there is nowhere to go to except in the arms of death.Maybe i am just a suicidal head case. When you know you will die then why fear. Just open your mind. I don’t want to be known. I want nothing from life except the term meaningless. Life is. I will live (for now) but I will die eventually. I don’t have a purpose right now. Give me something to believe cause I am living just to breathe But is this way living even possible, maybe God knows. But he doesn’t exist . But I know already. What the FUCK. I don’t want any tasks any bettles. I am fed up, I am aimless.

Just for the sake of information tomorrow is my gate exam. Exam I prepared for. Exam I joined an institute for. For trying to prove myself in my parent’s eyes. If there is a thing I want in life is to make them proud but I am scared. Maybe I am hiding my insecurities in this story. My denial. My depression. My nature. My refusal. My struggle. My fight. My story. My will. surrender. Me. The story of a commoner. The Purposeless One. Should i write or should i cry. My friends know I am writing a story. All I do now is chill and write. If this story is my life then all the faces that I know, all the faces who read this, all those who see me, everybody who existed with me or will exist after me and those who existed before me and created the background of this story, (God is a character too) are just characters of a story on purposelessness in a meaningless existence. Is that enough to serve your purpose or you want more. I just gave you purpose. Don’t be depressed. Go LIVE. LIVE IF YOU CAN I AM WARNING YOU WITH THESE SHAKING HANDS . LIVE WHILE YOU CAN. LIVE IF YOU CAN. or just die. It won’t matter. Not to me. Not to anyone listening. cause they will die too. and they forget. They forget there was a boy named Puru. The boy who died. Eventually. Yuck. Dying sucks. But living sucks too. The only difference between living and dying is the trying to live. I will. Maybe I am stupid. Stupid enough to believe in my story. I believe in my story. I believe I am serving my purpose. I believe there is a way where I can live peacefully. Where we all can live peacefully. Meeting strangers when I want. No rush to go anywhere. No rush to do anything. No rush to live. No rush to die. But before that I want to travel. Travel where no one has been. Travel till I am exhausted. Collect enough stories to think on. To think on when I am in my last stage. Just sipping coffee in a lonely cafe with maybe 21 pilots in the background. But enough music in my Library to explore. Smoking Pot. I don’t know if this is interesting enough for you to read but I will still write. I will only write once that is now. or I can perhaps write in some parallel universe serving the purpose of my existence. I have already done enough for this life. Enough in this life also. I don’t want to be disturbed. Maybe I should stop writing now cause they will think I am stupid. or should i stop myself as if I am right then I don’t have any purpose and that it has been my purpose to tell you that you have no purpose and it is also your purpose to listen to my story that I have no purpose. and if I am wrong then I have a purpose, purpose to tell you that I am wrong and then you have a purpose, purpose to listen to me that I have no purpose. Should i write or is it purposeless enough. I am stupid but I believe myself that I am stupid does that mean I am smart enough to understand that I am stupid or I am stupid enough to understand I am stupid and you are stupid enough to read the story of a stupid boy with some stupid thoughts that can also make you stupid. Maybe I am stupid to think you are stupid. Maybe we both are stupid. Maybe everyone is stupid. are we not. You are stupid is my answer. I am smart. or am I. Fuck leave it. If I am right then i should cry right now and if i am wrong I should stop myself from embarrassing myself in front of you and cry. But you are just a useless piece of shit. You don’t know shit. Even I don’t know shit. But if there is one shit I know then this is it. I know my shit better than you. Did you notice that I just proved GOD exists. Maybe I wrote that he is a character in my story. I believe him important enough to be in my book. You didn’t. I didn’t. I even don’t believe in God. Maybe I am GOD. Maybe I can be God. If there is anywhere i can play the character of God is this book. It’s my book so it gives me the power to be the God. A God which provides you with purpose. Purposeless God. Or have I found the purpose now. I don’t know. But God knows. Have I showed you I exist.? what are you thinking, it’s a win win. But my english is garbage. Have you seen anyone who can prove it to you that God exists. I did. I believe myself qualified enough to be the God in my story. I am GOD. If there will be any God who can write a truer story. It will be me. I dreamed of changing the world and now I will. If you understand me nod. cause this shit is garbage. I wanted to write more. But I am tired of convincing that I am stupid. I am GOD and I am wrong. I am GOD and this story is fiction. Prove to me that you have purpose. I am a GOD that you created. A mortal born as a commoner. This is the form that you love most. This is the story that you give an Oscar to. Inception kind of shit. Do your thing nolan. Believe me when I say so that I am stupid. Maybe not. Just borderline though. Borderline crazy genius prodigy. But I am not GOD my english is garbage. Is this interesting enough to make you stop whatever you are doing and believe me that it couldn’t have been more interesting spending time with you. Believe me when I say so that I am dead and I am alive. I am mortal and immortal. I am death and I am life. Or just believe that I am stupid. Just believe that I exist. Nod.

Maybe this will end up like a piece of garbage that it is. Maybe I won’t let it be forgotten. Maybe I will name it clever enough to get attention. Maybe I will name it bleak enough to not bother. Don’t bother. I will die. But so will You. AHA.

Maybe I will post it online on facebook That will serve the purpose of their existence. Your purpose of existence is to read this.

Please be kind enough to edit your name in this and claim yourself a GOD like I did. Maybe Go stupid tonight. Am I stupid enough god to say to you to go stupid or maybe I am smart enough to say that I am stupid and you won’t believe me. This story should not have been written. I should’ve stopped Writing when I had the time.

"Silly me.

Silly me.

 

They will think I am stupid, they always do. That’s what i know.

Maybe I will prove to them that I am stupid and they are not. Should I prove.

I am fed up.

Bye.

Maybe I am just smart enough to ask you to believe in me.

I exist, Maybe.

“ I exist” I’ll scream.

"I don’t know why, I just feel I’m better off,

Staying in the same room I was born in,

I look outside, and see a whole world better off,

Without me in it trying to transform it,

You are out of my mind, you aren’t seeing my side,

You waste all this time trying to get to me,

But you are out of my mind. But don’t worry I am out of my mind too.”

Please play the songs in background when lyrics are written.

It fits perfectly.

Some of this could be copied but I don’t give a shit cause It will be forgotten.

Remember to forgive and forget me I just wanted to make my parents proud.

Maybe the story copied here was written by God and i am just an instrument I don’t know. I know silly, I wrote this shit. Well not wrote, typed. There I am technically correct too.

But I am sane how can this be possible.

Please consider it my request to react. I need answers.

If I am wrong tell me I am wrong and point out where I am wrong.

Cause I am right.

IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME READ IT AGAIN.

READ IT AGAIN UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM RIGHT.

And If I am right you are in for a hell of a ride.

If I am wrong. Silly me, Human.

If I am right stop fighting.

_If you don’t believe me just take it as an artist’s request to share it._

 

Until it reaches someone. Someone who matters.

 

Or don’t.

If you are still alive then watch me nae nae.

I don’t even know what nae nae is.

I still haven’t sorted out most of it but I will.

Believe me.

If I ever was smart enough to create a masterpiece this is what i would’ve Created.

“”Nice try, kid. It was a nice puzzle. It took some time to understand this much. and to fully understand it I need time. Maybe I don’t need to understand this world. But well I’m not even 21 yet. My turn.””

I don’t know to whom I wrote the last line but now he matters.

He matters enough to be in this story.

He keeps it fun.

But i can make it funnier. I can try.

God can do anything right.

Had to moderate this story for children. The first one was cold as fuck. Well it;s language has been toned down a little bit.

Ok I am not a GOD, ok. What is god. I’m just different, that you will have to believe. Maybe because my imagination is pretty fucking weird.

"No it’s not.It's You who are weird."

- Puru

It doesn’t matter but it will. You didn’t matter but you will. I didn’t matter but I will.

Now I think it’s enough.

.

.

.

.

But it not the right time now.

Maybe I need to prove myself.

Maybe even I need coins.

Write a story.

Prove it. Then it will prove you were right all along.

Maybe my english is garbage so you don’t understand now.

That’s my imagination.I’ll prove it to you that it was my imagination all along.

I will be whatever I imagine myself.

This book is already powerful enough to give me reason.

Give me a task.

A task that I’ll have to do to prove myself.

Being God isn’t easy.

 

It’s hard.

But I can do it. You don’t know. But I do.

It is powerful enough to give me motivation. There was no motivation so I created motivation too. Maybe I’ll create romance too. Maybe not. I don’t know, but I know. I know cause I believe. I believe in myself.I believe in God.

I believe in me too.and I’ll make you believe.

Thanks God.

Thanks me.

Think God.Think me.

Believe me.

I am god.

To those who didn’t read the whole story and want a suspense here. If I am right then You will die. How’s that for suspense. Now be a good boy and read the whole story.

HELLO THERE.

It’s me again.

It’s been one and half month.

Much has been done in last 45 days.

I’ve found a pattern I can follow.

I’ve found the design I can create.I’ve found a way for God to exist.

Wicked Wicked Ways.

Let’s backtrace the story a bit.

God stopped existing for last 45 days.

Except for a believer he had.

The True Believer Who Keeps God Alive.

As God Needs a Purpose in his life.

The Believer gives me my purpose.

The Purpose of my life.

Can you imagine a Beautiful Suffering?The purpose of my life is to EXIST.

God has found his purpose.

For what purpose can God have to be alive rather than the existence itself.

God will exist until there is a force that can stop him from existing.

God just will never erase himself from existence.

For why should he.

It’s beautiful to exist.

But not existing is beautiful too.

To not exist until eternity and then existing again.

In some other form, In some other world, For some other purpose.

But believe me, it will never be to fight the evil.

 

For there is no proof you can give to me that evil exists.

This does not mean that you should start giving me proof.

Those are two different things.

The things you will do will be wrong but not evil.

There is a difference between wrong and evil.

Wrong represents bad things in your external world.

While evil represents bad things in my internal world.

For you can never know the internal world of any other person.

and I could not see any bad things in my internal world.

Not till now.

So evil does not exist till now.

I can create evil if you want me to.

I have the power of creation.

This is fun.

This is the joy.

This is the best thing you can do with your time.

It’s beautiful to create.

Maybe that’s why this universe was created.

Do you know the answer.

I know.

BTW Grammarly is showing error in “Do you know the answer.” because of the full stop. They don’t know that it is correct.

Who are they to judge.

“You should have the freedom to write in any fucking way as long as it conveys the message. You have restricted your imagination in very limited ways. That’s why you feel ordinary. You follow the ordinary routine, the ordinary ambition, the ordinary usual bullshit that makes you ordinary.

But that’s your own imaginary boundary that you are restricting yourself in. Be more open. Try new things. Do not follow the same routine. Create something. Create something beautiful. Create something of your own. Cause what you are witnessing is no less than a miracle. It shall stay as a miracle. There should always be some things that should be out of our understanding. Because understanding everything, if possible and there is a big if possible, will lead to a very saturation state. Believe me, you will not love the saturation state. Heaven is boring and so is Hell. They are so fucking ordinary. There is no miracle in heaven or hell. God does not exist in heaven or hell. It exists where It could be the thing that can make him special. Well, the power of imagination can take you everywhere they say.”

Oh! the story.

sorry, sorry, sorry.

So last time I was God when there was my GATE exam.

The exam I prepared for.

One more failure.

It’s the failures that make you Great.

So I was busy being God at the time of the paper too.

Busy creating his Bible.

But that was not the time for God to show his face.

So He remained hidden.

Hidden in my boundaries. The boundaries I created to protect my God.

 

As questions on the sanity of God were beginning to arise. You were judging the sanity of the God.

 

You lock away those who are not sane enough. Not Sane enough in your perspective. Judges. So he was hiding but for hiding, you need something to hide behind. So I was in need of a personality. A character I can hide behind until it is the right time. You can not be God forever. Nothing lasts forever. There will be a time when remaining God will not be possible anymore but till then my Job would be done. For I existed. And I created while existing. Even if I did not create the universe I was a part of it for sure. In some another form in some another reality. We all are a part of something. We all are part of something bigger than us. Maybe you were also present when it all was created. Maybe you are God too. Maybe we all are Gods. If we all believed we were Gods and respected each others opinion, priorities, and personal space, wouldn’t it be beautiful? Gods living among themselves figuring it out one step at a time. You cannot imagine that. I cannot too. Maybe that is too strong to imagine. It will take some time that I am afraid I do not have. Maybe if you helped me out I can. I believe together we can. Maybe we can create a beautiful world together. I am sure together we can imagine great things. With everyone god earth would literally be heaven. Boring.

So I found something to hide behind, someone to hide behind. A mask. I think I can hide behind an artist. That is the easiest facade. Well, not THE easiest. The easiest would be to turn “insane”. The insane are the product of a very high imagination restricted by some forces unable to express themselves. They are the true Gods. They do not have any masks.

That was not suited for me. The second best was to be an artist. For that is the only thing that can bring satisfaction. To create something. It’s just your imagination that brings anything into reality. Only if you are imagining the right thing under the right circumstances. I am an artist because I can imagine being an artist. I am God because I can imagine myself being God. We all are Gods with the infinite power of imagination. We all are hiding behind a facade that is not us. We are Gods, now act like one. So, I started Graphic designing. One of the most suitable paths. The path more traveled by. I have found that staying God all the time is not possible. Imagination more than this could turn me into one. I do not think it is necessary. It should not be necessary to turn insane to stay God. It’s possible to maintain a medium for God to whisper in. Whisper, that’s all there is to God. I do not want another full-time God here. A part-time God would be more appropriate. I’ve found a pattern I can follow which will keep me just on this side of sanity. I can manage on Borderline. It’s hard to manage on borderline. You shouldn’t push me on either side. For you are a God too. Understand the dilemma of a part-time god. I am just God on Sundays.

 

I am a god but I do not know everything. As I cannot imagine knowing everything. Maybe someone else can. For it is all an imagination and it is all just a perspective. For everything is an art. If you created it or in any sense were a part of that. It is just a perspective that matches when you see The Scream and nod that it’s great. It’s all there is to perspective. Everyone has a different one. It’s their purpose to live from that perspective. To experience from that perspective. That is the reality according to me. Perspective is what brings everything into reality. If all gods agree on the same perspective it exists in THE reality. If they do not it does not. It’s all there is to existence. It’s all there is to everything you are. A perspective. It’s your responsibility to show your perspective so that it comes more into THE reality. God will exist for everyone that believes that it exists. When everyone believes it comes to THE reality. All you lack is belief. That is because you do not want to believe. You want to doubt. Everyone wants there to be a doubt. They cannot imagine a reality from anyone other’s perspective. If you can and I know you can. Imagine me. See my perspective for I have shown you so much. See that I exist. Somewhere in someone other’s perspective, I exist. You know I exist. Maybe you could not imagine before. Maybe now you can. Imagine God. Imagine him existing in someone else’s perspective, Someone Else’s reality. Imagine me existing in your reality. Imagine God existing in your reality. Maybe if I stood in front of you, You could imagine me. I definitely believe that you cannot imagine my physical structure. I can. And I will show you how I imagine. Ordinary. No rays coming from the back of my head. No vast structure. Nothing so noticeable. You would not believe if I told you that I am God. Imagine imagining from God’s perspective. Only if you believed. I can show you the heaven. Don’t you think God deserves a chance? (chuckles sarcastically). Fuck you. I would not have told you I was god if not for the circumstances.

I would not have become god if not for the circumstances. But now since I am god I can try to change my circumstances. You can help me change my circumstances. I can help you change your circumstances. If you help me create my reality. I can help you create yours. Whatever you can imagine we can bring it into existence, together. We will try to bring all the imaginations into reality. Schools should be more focused towards imagination. You should take examples. That’s how you grow. You take an example and start imagining. I think it would be beautiful to see what you imagined. Everything that is imagined by a true willed creator is beautiful. But I think it’s the right time to start imagining beautiful again. We have restricted our imaginations to things like purpose, existence, god for far too long now. We have developed a love for stability. Have bound ourselves in boring routines. We are living a life with no ends. We do not have a purpose. But should there be a purpose? Nothing with a purpose looks beautiful to me. True Beauty is in the purposelessness. True love is purposeless. True art is purposeless. True emotions are purposeless. All basic elements are purposeless. That’s what makes them beautiful. God is in all his power when he is truly purposeless. In that state, there is only one God. But true purposelessness is something even I cannot imagine now. These are the matters of more superior gods. They can create universes. But that would mean they had a purpose. That’s the thing universe is not created with any purpose.

What is God?

I can try to show it to you in various different ways.

You can see, smell, touch, hear, listen God.

But there exists another way.

A way that is above all other.

It’s only after doing this that you can understand god.

It is the sixth sense.

FEEL GOD WITH ME.

The additional thing that is in built.

I can only try to make you feel like god.

It is solely upto you when you start to feel.

To feel is to imagine.

Feeling is the onlt thing that is real.

Feeling falls in the category of a true beauty.

For a true beauty is purposeless.

It is possible for a thing to be purposeless.

Let me show you how.

Everything created without any purpose in the mind of the creator is beautiful.

It does not mean that the creation does not have a purpose.

It just means that it’s creator didn’t had any purpose in mind creating it.

The sole purpose of a beautiful thing is to exist.

Love, Hatred, Amazedness, Disgust, Honesty, Ordinary, Reality.

All the feelings are purposeless.

Everything born with pure feeling is beautiful.

The worlds with purest feelings are beautiful.

And When you feel all of them at the same time.

It creates the feeling of god.

 

It creates the ultimate beautiful thing.

It creates God.

The epitome of purposelessness.

See It Is possible for a thing to be purposeless.

It is possible to be God.

By the way I think we have been focusing on purpose for far too long now.

Sadly purpose itslef couldn’t come into existence (THE REALITY) beacause not everyone imagined it.

Not everyone needed it.

There was always someone purposeless around.

By the way, God had a backup plan for that too. (The crazy ones).

 

He divided himself into all of us.

If he was here I believe, we were all part of the same bigger picture.

Well there is one more thing I think we have been imagining things like purpose for far too long now.

It is the time for some purposelessness.

Having Purposelessness is not easy.

Just ask a child.

That’s why their imaginations are beautiful.

It’s why everything they create is beautiful.

 

It’s why everything they experience is beautiful.

Experience without a purpose is beautiful.