The Mistake

Sameer was running out of ways to say her sorry. He was unable to think anymore how to persuade her to forgive him.

“We are not going to meet” – she texted and his heart which was already broken, broke a little more, it was shattered down into pieces. He was unable to hold the ruins of his heart inside. It tried to come out through his eyes. He already had just 10-15 days of life and he did not want to miss out on any single day or moment. One reaction over a matter was all that brought all his credits to ground. One mistake he made and she decided not to meet.

He was standing in front of college gate, waiting for her, persuading her to say her location but she was adamant not to meet. He waited as he knew she would come and when she came he walked up to her said her sorry but she wasn’t listening. She did not care to look at him, she was walking fast and asked him to go away not noticing his mist filled eyes or maybe she did not cared for them. His world shattered, a pain started from his chest and choked his throats as if trying to kill him. He wanted to shout loud and cry hard but he could not. His eyes turned into dark red clouds unable to hold the waters in them but he could not let them shower, he was a man after all he can’t show how week he is inside. What he could not understand was that all his love, his care, his passion for her has become smaller than this mistake. She used to say “ I have never been loved so much, never have been cared so much” so was this mistake even greater than this care and love. Was it so big that he had to listen “go away Sameer”?

He walked straight up to his department and sat alone on the stairs. He was unable to beer the pain of love, the pain of not being able to talk to her, the pain of being discarded, the pain of not being heard and not being forgiven, the pain of not listening to his heart and making that one mistake. The pain was striking him like thunderbolt. It started from the centre of his chest and moved up till his head giving a feeling that it might burst him up in pieces in any moment. He prayed to gods that if this is what you have decided for me then please call me back. He was ready to burn in the hell but this pain was unbearable.

She made him feel so small that he started hating himself. The venom of hatred for him started flowing inside him. Yes it was his fault, he should have trusted her. He should not have scolded her rather should have denied it. But he brought his brain into play and he loosed it. He should have listened to his heart, he always used to but today he was shocked and angry at the same time and that made him use his brain and rationalise it. He saw the picture three times and he was sure that it was not her hands but still that single percent doubt made the difference and he got angry. Angry because- he did not want her to lose her innocence. Her essence of being a good human. She was beautiful from her looks but inside she was marvellous, gorgeous, a diamond she was. She had grown up with difficulties, issues which have polished her to shine more and to illuminate this world with her spark of truthfulness, her goodness and her gorgeousness of heart. It could be seen in her eyes, the eyes which inspired god for the creation of pearls, that beauty, that spark even god bewildered in amazement on his creation. Sameer did not want an end to that and that was the reason, even though his heart was adamant that it wasn’t her but still his mind did not want to leave that one single space for doubt and confusion. But he never knew that this war between his mind and heart will take away his soul from his body. That it will leave him with no reasons to smile and push him back to solitude, loneliness and darkness.

He was afraid of darkness, he crossed those waves and had swim out of the thoughts of fear and loneliness and he never wanted to get back into them. Her love had pulled him out of that darkness but now she was again pushing him back into it.

He was still awestruck with the fact that how could she weigh his love below this one mistake. One mistake it was to bring everything to rubble. His whole love collapsed under the weight of this one mistake.

He was standing under the sun and the noon was burning. The tranquillity of death was fast approaching him and was trying to embrace him in his arms. He shouted for an unruffled departure, but the noises inside his head were trying to murder him. He was drowning inside his heart searching for that one hand which could pull him away from this pool of darkness and death; he didn’t want to turn again into a living corpse. His breath started to fail but he was longing – longing to see that one extended hand to pull him out but it was nowhere to be seen. His apologises were unheard and he was left to be drowned into the pool of eternal rest.