The Thought

Seldom do we think about the ending. It may seem we are always in a fix, wanting to end our lives, wanting a sheer stop to our sufferings. But we never really think about what such a sudden halt would feel like. 

As Amy now stood over the balcony railing she was hit by these strains of thoughts. This was not her first time being bullied. Why then did she not try to pull the chain and stop the train of sufferings earlier? Why then did she earlier not try to push the button to the nearest floor and get off the lift? Why?!

She was greeted with darkness and echo of her own thoughts in her head instead of concrete answers. Inside it had as if become a whirlpool. Amy as though was being sucked deeper and deeper into the whirlpool and that’s when the thought hit her. The thought of the sudden halt. She thought of the peace she would be at, she thought of her mother’s face. She thought of the ending to all her sufferings and all her unfulfilled wishes. She thought and she thought. 

In one strain of thought she celebrated death. Ah the sweet death! The most underrated part of life, death; the great beginning, death. The one brilliant equaliser, yet so arbitrary in its approach. Is it really that arbitrary though? Or is it all just a fluid artwork that lets us decide our path to the solid eventuality? 

In the next moment she thought of life. She thought of her mother’s smile when they were watching the video of the mama bear and the baby bear on Facebook the other day, her promise to call her friend to discuss some notes that evening. She thought of all her unkempt promises, to others, to herself. She celebrated life in all its arbitrariness, in all its fluidity. She celebrated life in all that she was, she ever could be. 

The great could wait, she climbed down the balcony railing. She for now decided to celebrate the shallow exaggeration that life is.