To The One I Loved

The chances of you coming across this are one in a million maybe that’s why it’s so easy for me to say it out loud or in this instance to write exactly how I feel about YOU, about US.

One in a million, it’s now that I see the humor in it. Most often you tend to use jargons as a way of fixing a sentence, adding that extra oomph, but when you live it, you realise the importance of them. The actual belief in them. Pure. Simple. Enough.

When I met you that’s exactly how I felt, the other half of me returned back. I was euphoric. I didn’t have to put in much effort honestly you were just there right in front of me all along. The one who understood me without having any words to confuse them. One look, one gesture that’s all it took. The romantic in me came alive, the child within me jumped with glee, the woman in me, grew more sensual. All because of you. 

So Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I felt I was Home. 

You. Were. Home. 

Your green eyes and baritone voice, the way your  hair fell on your forehead, the way you said my name pulling out the last syllable, the way your voice sounded in the morning when you woke up, the way your hand held mine, the way you reached out for me while sleeping, content when I was safe in your arms. Your lopsided smile when we shared a joke, your eyes always searching for me while out in a crowd and the relief that you felt when you saw me. So many things I romanticise, so many moments we shared that are vivid in my mind as though they happened yesterday. 

We understood each other, we knew each other long before it seems. I never wanted it to end. Not for a minute did I envision the way everything upended. 

That night when it happened nothing extraordinary about it, nothing stands out about it except....

The way it all ended... 

If only I had known, if only I was given a brief glimpse into what the future had in store for us. 

Bombay nights seldom vary from the day, the air humid, a slight breeze providing a brief respite, but something else was hanging in the air that night, something crawling, creeping towards us. 

I want to erase this from my memory but everything is tied together. Everything is in sync. 

Maybe this was how it was meant to happen, maybe happiness is only momentary. 

I just want to say I love you more than anything in this world. I love you for all the times we shared together and apart. I loved you even when I was angry at you, I loved you even when saying good bye was the hardest part. I wish that I could turn back time, I wish I could hear you say my name again for ever while we watched the setting sun paint the sky purple. I love you so much even today after all this time, all the tears I cried, all the times I couldn’t shake you off, I love you and if given the chance I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all over again. 

Sometime during that night, I felt different, a strange feeling which I couldn’t shrug off, i called you but your number was unreachable, you had said you’d call as soon as you got free. But that unease I couldn’t shake off. So if only I heard your voice, it would be ok. 

But when you did call, it wasn’t you, it was somebody from the hospital that said you were in an accident and I was your emergency contact. I rushed to you. But by the time I got there, you had passed. I didn’t get to tell you how much I love you, I didn’t get to be there by your side. Do you know how cheated I feel! Do you know how much anger I have that you broke your promise of always being by my side? Do you know how many nights I’ve cried into my pillow !? 

But I can’t be without you, I’ve tried, 21 months, 8 days I’m coping, functioning on auto pilot. I’m now trying to accept it that you’ve gone. Never coming back but you’ll always be by side, supporting me, applauding me, encouraging me. 

So Goodbye my lover! Goodbye my friend! 

Goodbye to all the wonderful times we shared. 

To the one I loved, to my one in a million whom I called home, someday we’ll meet again!