Without!

I kept gazing at them with amused eyes. While notifications were buzzing in my phone, I was lost in their small delightful world.

It was customary, so quotidian to others, but to me, it was one of the most exquisite feelings.

He must be in his 80’s and she, in her 70’s. They occupied the seat opposite to mine in the coach. While he set the bedding for her, she struggled searching the requisite dose of his night medicine from the bag. She knew everything about him and so did he, for her, after all they had been together for more than 5 decades now. He occupied the middle berth and she, the lower, for he said he was a man, he could ascend easily. I giggled heartily.

This sight was exhilarating for such sights were rare. It was long I had seen any such elderly couple cherishing the bliss and despair of life with the cardinal person of their lives. God had been so kind, so generous to them. Blessed they were to be with each other.

I pondered, if there could be anything better in life? Only those who lacked it would know the pain.

Ecstasy brings fear, fear of losing. The joy of their life enveloped me with a sudden anxiety. “What if they are not together the next moment, what if one of them loses the other?” The momentary thought was frightening and gave me goose bumps.

I shrugged myself to escape the petrifying flame of thought, but ,alas, I was already in the trap.

She suddenly flashed through my mind. Yes ! My grandma. She lost him in her 40’s .She is in her 70’s now. So practically she has spent around 3 decades without him. This realization was horrid. She would have gone through the similar torment I was trying to shed myself off. This was discomforting.

I din’t really mean to hurt her , but that day I did . I was foolish to ask if she ever went for any movie with dadaji. She smiled. There was a radiance in her eyes so bright I had never seen before. On our insistence, she started recollecting the little small things, the little sweet moments with him.

But no, I hated this. Tears!! I felt terrible inside.

“ Sorry dadi to have made you cry”.

I never realized this the way I did now. I had always seen her without him since my birth. So it always looked so normal.

I realized there were so many elders around us who at some point in life lost their requisite other. Hasn’t their pain become alien to us? Some are blessed to have beautiful family by their side, but none in the world could fill the void created by the absence of the partner.

I so much wished if I could give dadi a tight hug right away.

Nature’s law is unfair, completely unjustified. Where it first develops a habit in you to find that loving comfort and solace in each other, snatches the other anytime leaving you devastated.

I wished the glow I had seen in her could stay, something she lost 30 years back.