#Euthanasia #MercyKilling

Pehel was the most cheerful young woman anyone would ever meet. She had everything going for her. She went to a very happening college, had some of the coolest friends, friendly parents and a brother Raunak, who would give his life for his younger sister without blinking or thinking.

She was in her final year at college, after which she would work under the same fashion designer under whom she was interning currently. Fashion, clothes, accessories, bags, shoes, perfumes… you name it, she knew it. She knew the brands, she knew the products, she knew it all. It was her passion.

Pehel had recently started going out with the son of the fashion designer she was training under, Arpan. Arpan professed love to her, but she was wary of it. She did meet him and express her fondness for him. However, she was not ready for a committed relationship yet.

The designer label ‘Beau Belle’ where she was learning the tricks of the trade was located on the eighteenth floor of a commercial plaza. She was headed there post her college, when Arpan asked her to skip work and go out with him for a lunch date. She was reluctant. She refused. He reminded her of his love, and how she was always hurting him with her ‘no’, but she refused to skip work. Arpan cursed under his breath and left from there, while Pehel headed to work.

While in the elevator, there was a power cut, and the lift stopped working. In panic, Pehel pressed a few buttons on the panel but nothing seemed to work. In less than two minutes, the power was back and the elevator lights came on. Even before she realised, Pehel was stumbling because the elevator was rushing up and then down with an urgency of a rocket taking off. Pehel was dumbstruck and could not utter anything. In less than a minute, she was unable to hold herself, and fell to the ground, and the elevator hit against something with a loud bang and thud. When the elevator doors opened, there were people outside it staring at a passed out young girl, with what looked like multiple fractures.

After a few minutes, Pehel opened her eyes to find herself lying down on some couch. She immediately recognised it as the entrance of the building she worked in. She tried to sit up, but she was unable to. She yelped in pain. She was unable to even change sides. She realised something was amiss. She asked them to dial Arpan’s number, who assured to be there shortly. Then she gave out Raunak’s number, who promised to rush soon too.

With absolutely no ability to sit up, let alone walk, they had to call an ambulance to take Pehel to the hospital. Pehel knew she was in pain, but she figured it was more of a trauma and perhaps some internal injury which was discouraging her from movement. As soon as the doctors looked at her spine and neck, and the way her dislocated bones looked, they knew something was not right. Without wasting time, various tests were ordered. By now, Pehel’s parents and her mentor from Beau Belle had come in too.

Pehel was screeching in pain with every forced movement. By the end of that day, by midnight, the doctors discovered multiple fractures. They started treating the same. By early next morning, however, the diagnosis was much worse. The fall in the elevator had been severe, and had damaged Pehel’s spine to an irresolvable degree. Her musculoskeletal and nervous system had been badly damaged leading to permanent loco-motor disability – inability to move any part of the lower body. The doctors said, Pehel would never be able to turn sides, sit, stand, walk or squat again. She would have to remain in her sleeping position or be helped into a sitting position on a special wheelchair. It was an irreversible condition.

This news was earth shattering for every soul present there. From shock to disbelief to anger was writ large across the faces of everyone. But Pehel was blown away. She was shocked beyond control. She was numb. Her pupils had dilated and she seemed to be in an open-eye unconscious state. The doctors tried to bring her back to consciousness but to no avail. They prescribed to keep her under observation.

Six hours passed. When the doctors could not reinstate consciousness in Pehel, they declared her in a state of coma caused by trauma or shock. However, the consolation lay in the fact that Pehel could still receive the sounds, emotions, and touch. Her brain was working fine. The doctors advised the family to spend as much time with her as possible, so that she could regain her consciousness back, and soon.

Arpan was trying hard to talk to her, but he was too shaken and emotional to hold a conversation with her. Her parents had been shocked, sad and traumatised too. It was only Raunak who, like a champion, took it upon himself, to bring his sister back to her consciousness. Raunak spent hours and hours holding her hand, speaking with her, reminding her of their bond in various ways by citing endless anecdotes from their life. Four days had passed, when a ray of hope lit in the form of Pehel’s finger movement. At the end of that day, Pehel was in her consciousness. The fact that her loco-motor abilities were a permanent failure seemed to now hurt her more than shock her. She cried for over an hour, while Raunak held her hand tight. He let her cry for as long as she wanted, as many times as she wanted. They spoke for many hours, late into the night, until Pehel fell asleep on her own.

When Pehel woke up the next morning, the doctors advised that she be taken home. They were sorry about her condition but they had nothing in their hands. They could provide specially designed wheelchair from the hospital inventory but that was the most they could do.

Pehel felt helpless and totally dependent. The fact that she would never be able to sit, stand, sleep, walk, move on her own; the fact that she would never even be able to relieve herself in the bathroom anymore, was overwhelming. The gravity of the situation struck her with a bad blow all over again. Raunak did not wince when doing any task for her. Her parents too stood at her beck and call. But none of this could change the fact that she was no more a young girl with dreams, but only a liability with a wheelchair.

Eight months passed, with great difficulty. From the time Pehel woke up, her ordeals began. She was dependent for every task from using the washroom, to brushing her teeth, to eating, to drinking water… She could not even bend to a minimal degree, so eating on her own also was nearly impossible. She made a mess of her clothes whenever she tried eating on her own. Therefore, in short, she had to be helped for everything. Her mother and father helped her. It was Raunak who did the most of it.

Raunak had not gone for his work for two months. But he rejoined work after that. He worked flexible hours, went late, came early and then worked from home. He felt it was the least he could do for his baby sister. No matter how strong he pretended to be, he cried endlessly later in the nights, as he worked, after putting Pehel to sleep. It was impossible for him to picture her this way. Not because he was irritated of the work that came with her condition, but because he had seen her so lively and high-spirited, he could not bear to see her smiling fictitiously. He cracked jokes, reminded her of funny incidents of the past, but the most she did was smile. Even Arpan visited her often, but she never spoke much to him either.

The hospital visits reduced with every passing month. By now, the doctors had given them a reply, completely in the negative. There was nothing they would be able to do, any more. This would now be how Pehel would remain for the rest of her life. After hearing this, Pehel was now not just sad, but remained frustrated and irritated and cranky. Every time someone tried speaking to her, she gave really rude replies, and asked them to leave her alone, always. Nobody was spared from her wrath.

In a week from then, was Pehel’s birthday. Her twenty first birthday. She was always excited from the time she was 18, that she would celebrate her 21st grandly. She had even told her friends and everyone at home, that she would dress up like a celebrity because at 21, she would have almost finished her course at college, she would be ready for the outside world. But this accident had left not just her, but her thoughts and ideas paralysed too.

Raunak decided to do something special for her birthday. He had invited all her friends from college, her mentor from Beau Belle, along with Arpan, and a few close relatives. He knew that she must have had dreams, but now there was no point discussing those and hurting her more. He did not ask her, but just bought a few gifts he thought best, at the moment. He got a pair of speakers, trendy earphones, and a few books for her. He had ordered a dress and tiara for her, from Beau Belle just so she could look like princess that one day.

The day was almost here. Exactly, at 12 o clock, Raunak entered Pehel’s room, to wish her. He was surprised to see her sleeping. He immediately thought back to the days when they had to wait a good half hour to even wish her, because her phone would be buzzing all the while. And this year, there were no phone calls and no friends coming with surprise cakes. He felt bad. He felt pinched and pricked on behalf of his darling sister. He went back to his room, and cried for over two hours, until finally he fell asleep.

The next morning, Pehel’s mom entered her room , with her favourite ‘Pineapple Sheera’ (A sweet dish made out of Rava). It was almost 9 am. She tried waking Pehel. As soon as Pehel saw her mother, she winced. Her mother wished her for the birthday and tried feeding her, her favourite sweet. She pushed aside her hand. Her mother stared with sad eyes, to which Pehel rebuked, “What’s so great about today? Have you come to make me feel how horrible today’s day is? And how different from every other birthday so far?” Her mother did not feel bad for the reproach as much as she was hurt because of her daughter’s helpless state of mind. She tried to hug her but received no warmth from Pehel.

Raunak and his father entered Pehel’s room. Pehel looked away. Her mother spoke through her eyes, as she looked at both the men. Raunak stepped ahead, and kissed her on her forehead and said, “You cannot be sad today, darling. It’s your birthday!” Before Pehel could speak anything, he pushed in a spoon of her sheera. He continued talking, “My princess will have an awesome day, I assure!” With that, he pulled out a huge bag. He took out the dress he had gotten made, a lovely peach coloured knee-length dress, embellished with laces and beads. Pehel loved it, she stared at it for a long while, before breaking down and sobbing like a child.

Raunak asked her if she did not like the dress. She shook her head, and said, “Bhai, I had made a dress like this, when I was in Beau Belle!” She cried some more as Raunak hugged her tight. After a while, when Pehel was normal. Raunak presented her the earphones and speakers, and a small bundle of books. As she looked at them, she laughed cynically. “Thanks bro! This is more apt! For a bloody handicapped person, books and music are all that can help. Not fancy clothes or bags or perfumes! Where do I visit anyway? I am rotting at home all day!”

Raunak suddenly felt guilty. He felt like a failure because it never struck him, that he could take her out, at least to those places which were wheelchair friendly. He decided he would do that henceforth.

That day passed event less until evening when the first guest for the party arrived. It was her mentor and Arpan! Raunak had been trying hard to convince Pehel to dress up, but she was acting difficult. She refused to cooperate. Finally, when she saw Arpan and his mother, she asked Raunak what was happening. He mentioned about the party. She stared at him and asked, “Why bro? Why? You want people to come and sympathise with me and my life? Such a young soul… Look at her! Now what? How long will she stay like this! Blah blah… You want people to come ridicule my condition. Why the party, bro? Why?”

Raunak stared speechlessly. Then he mentioned he wanted to make it memorable. Pehel rolled her eye and said, “I don’t need the dress bro. Return it! And I am not coming out of this room. There is no party! That’s all.”

Arpan and his mom went in her room, and greeted her. She gave them a cold response. Guests started coming one by one. Her friends, relatives, her colleagues from Beau Belle… she greeted everyone albeit emotionless. Finally, it was time for cake cutting. Since she had refused to get out of the room, Raunak brought the cake and the invitees inside her room. She looked away when she saw everyone surrounding her. She felt sick that she was so helpless that she could not walk away or do anything as per her wish. The cake was brought to her bed. Just as the guests sang ‘Happy Birthday’ and waited on her to blow out the candles, Pehel flew into a fit of rage, and brought down her right palm heavily on the cake, smashing it and flattening it in a quick move. Even before the reverberation of the birthday song died, the cake was ruined to nothing but smashed bread and cream.

Raunak stared at the cake and his sister, in disbelief. He was shocked, surprised and hurt, but he said nothing. He knew his sister was going through depressing times, and his anger would only worsen it. He quickly gathered himself and laughed aloud. He said, “Oh my god! What a shot Pehel! Lovely! Cake toh normal log kaat-te hai, celebrities always smash the cake!” (Normal people cut a cake, celebrities smash it). Pehel rolled her eye, and sat grumpy through the rest of the evening. The guests, every single one of them, handed the gifts to the family or just kept it by Pehel’s side, without asking her anything, or saying anything to her.

Raunak came to her with a plate full of goodies, and her favourite dish – Pav Bhaji. She turned away her face. Raunak asked her to eat as he picked a morsel to feed her, but she refused. After several tries, Pehel finally just pushed the hand away, making the plate fall. All the food was spilt all over the room. The mess was overwhelming. Raunak sat there crying. He was sobbing helplessly.

Pehel felt guilty and also bad. She spoke slowly and softly, “Bhai… I am sorry! I didn’t mean to….” Raunak said, “Don’t say anything, Pehel. I understand. It’s ok! I am sorry I tried so hard to cheer you up!”

With that he walked out of the room. He came back and mopped the floor, and cleaned it up. He said, “Bhookh lage toh buzzer baja dena. Aa jaunga!” (When you are hungry, hit the buzzer, I’ll come over!)

Pehel sat thinking, for a long time. After about an hour, Raunak walked into the room to check on her. Looking at her awake, he asked if she was hungry or wanted something. She looked at him with pleading eyes. He went and sat next to her. She put her hand on his, held his palm, kissed it and cried out. She cried for a good half hour. Then she broke her silence. “Bhai, I have always taken a gift you have given me. Never asked for a different one, or better one. But now I am 21. I need a gift of my choice. Will you give me?”

Raunak was suddenly cheerful. He smiled. “Of course, maddo! Ask for it!” He looked at her intently. She spoke nothing. He nodded, and gestured for her to say it. He nudged her again. Finally, she said, “I want to die, bro! Please let me die! Please… I appeal and humbly request you. I know you are the only one who understands what I am going through and you are the only one who can explain this to anyone!”

Raunak was flabbergasted at what he heard! He shook his head and asked her if what she said was what she meant! She nodded. “Yes, please Bhai, I cannot live like this. Please let me die!”

Raunak was annoyed and could not think straight. He just stared at her and said, “You have gone mad. Goodnight!” He was out of the room even before Pehel could call out to him..

That entire night, neither of the siblings slept. While one was tossing, turning, and crying his heart out at just the thought of his sister choosing death over life, the other one was exploring her options to kill herself. The next morning was more sorted for Pehel and more disrupting for Raunak.

He came to Pehel’s room. “Good morning. Hope you slept well! You were talking rubbish last night!” Pehel smiled. “Bro.. I wasn’t sleep talking and we both know it. Think over it, and come back when you are done. I have made my choice and asked you for my gift. Now, you decide when and how will you grant me that! And yea, my research is done. Come back to me for details. This will need a thorough planning. And I have it in my head. Let’s talk about it when you are prepared.”

Looking at Pehel so sure, Raunak was totally disheartened. He called in sick, and stayed home for a while. He looked up the internet and also spoke to Pehel’s doctors and discussed depression, counselling, and psychiatric treatment for her. He decided to work around this. He got an appointment with a counsellor and psychiatrist for the next morning. He decided not to tell about this to Pehel, but instead take her there directly.

That entire day, Raunak did not enter Pehel’s room. At night, he went in. “Pehel, tomorrow we have to meet a person who deals in ….” Pehel cut him short… “No one… bro, no one can change my mind. I will meet whomever you want me to! But you have to honour my word… Some day!” Raunak was surprised she got the clue, but said nothing.

The next morning, they met the counsellor. After a good two hours of talking, she was convinced that Pehel was a hard nut to crack, but she decided not to give up. She expressed her concerns to Raunak and asked him to bring Pehel to her every day. She also asked him to make her more cheerful and lively in whichever way possible. She was too young to be talking of death.

Once out of the clinic, Raunak asked Pehel if she wished to have a doughnut or some cold coffee. She used to love them at one time. He pushed her wheelchair to a nearby eatery selling donuts and coffee. Uninterested in the flavors or toppings, Pehel ate what Raunak ordered for her, without a single utterance throughout the outing.

That night, as Raunak fed her dinner, he could not meet her eye, but Pehel kept staring at him, as if questioning him how he could be so selfish and heartless to wish for her to be living this helpless and dependent life.

The next morning, yet again, they met the counsellor. Another two hours of counselling, heart to heart talk, yet, Pehel kept repeating how her life was burdensome, how she was guilty of making her parents suffer both physically and emotionally, how her brother had stopped receiving wedding proposals and alliances because of her becoming a liability on him forever. Raunak could not bear to hear all this, but Pehel refused to give up. She repeated it every single time she went to the counsellor. The counsellor meetings bore no fruit even after 25 days of relentless trying. The wheelchair bound outings too had increased. Raunak took her everywhere from gardens to cafes to bookstores.. Nothing could enliven her dulled spirit, it seemed. They stopped visiting the counselor.

Finally, one night, Raunak went to her room, and said, “Pehel, you have decided something, I agree. But do you realize what that means for me, mom and dad?” She stared at him, and said, “Have you thought what this life means to me? How pathetic it is! I wish you could see it as I see it. I wish you would stop being so selfish bro!”

Raunak got mad hearing this. He yelled… “I am being selfish! I? What rubbish, Pehel! I have changed my entire routine, my life… I am happily doing everything I can, but you want to…die? That is selfish, Pehel. Not what I am thinking. We love you. Our selfishness is for you. Your selfishness is for yourself. So, not me, but you are being selfish!”

As he screamed and shouted, their parents made their way into the room, and asked what the matter was. With great difficulty, and with tears in his eyes, Raunak spoke of Pehel’s wish. He mentioned to them how she had asked for a birthday gift like this! Both her parents were beyond shocked. Each was crying as well as consoling the other, and Pehel sat there staring at the selfish souls who could only grieve for themselves but did not understand her perspective.

It had been three months now since the birthday, and would soon be a year since her accident. Pehel messaged her brother late in the night. “Bro… on my accident anniversary, I would ask for a gift, if you please!” Raunak read it, and sat up, because he knew she was going to repeat her demand. He was absolutely not prepared for it. Pehel waited for his reply, in vain.

The next morning, Raunak said, “Pehel, I am sorry I am not a good brother. I cannot gift you what you want. I would never say yes to this. Please stop asking me for it!”

Pehel cried that entire day, and ate nothing. Despite various attempts, she ate nothing. The next morning, the same saga continued. It had now been four days; Pehel had not eaten a single bite of any food. She did take some water and medicines, but refused food. On day 5, she refused water too, and threw afar all the medicines. “Let the pain kill me, if you won’t!” she screamed. This continued again for 3 more days. Raunak himself had not eaten anything the entire week. He had decided he’d eat when his sister would.

On the ninth day, Raunak seemed to lose hope. He went in and requested Pehel to eat. She would not sleep all night because of the pain. Raunak pleaded with her. Pehel simply said, “Bro, I have not chosen this life, it has chosen me. Now I am choosing death. If you can do it, let’s talk. If not, please leave me alone.”

Raunak said yes to save the situation. But he knew this matter would not rest. Every morning, Pehel would talk about submitting a formal letter to Dignitas, in Switzerland. By far, of all her research, that was the only place where she could be put to sleep peacefully. There were places where mercy killing was legal, but India wasn’t one of them and in other countries, the laws weren’t too favourable. It was only Dignitas in Switzerland, where they would have to pay a considerable amount, write a formal letter, and then avail the drug that could make her rest in peace.

When she mentioned all this to Raunak, he was shell shocked. He was unaware of all this, and did not even want to make himself aware. He tried to speak to his parents about this. They kept crying without offering much assistance. Seeing no steps taken towards her wish fulfilment, Pehel stopped eating food and water all over again. This time, she promised to break her fast, only when the formal letter would be sent to Dignitas, and all formalities would be done. At the end of her third day of fast, Raunak finally succumbed to her wish. He wrote the letter as she mentioned. Within less than 48 hours, they received a reply seeking all details of her medical condition, detailed diagnosis, therapies, a psychiatric evaluation, and other details. Attached with it was a membership form and invoice which allows one to become a member. After filling those out, Raunak was teary eyed, and so was Pehel. Pehel was crying celebratory tears because it marked the first step towards a peaceful death, relief and freedom. Raunak was crying tears of helplessness, regret and loss. He hoped, prayed and wished that somehow the Swiss law would disallow for Pehel’s case to be considered for Euthanasia or assisted suicide as they called it.

Pehel was more cheerful every day after this, and Raunak more withdrawn. He spoke to his parents. They cried and cried, without solace. They asked him if there was a way out, but all he said was, he had to do it for his baby sister. “Ma, I have always promised to do whatever is best for her! I guess if this makes her happy, I must do this too! I have applied to the place where this has to happen. I request that you pray that they don’t approve of her wish. That’s my only hope now!”

Almost four months had passed. Raunak was being hopeful now that the non-profit organisation of Dignitas had been considerate after all and refused assisted suicide for his baby sister. He was secretly happy.

One fine morning, as Raunak stepped out with Pehel for a stroll at the beach, she asked, “Why is God and Dignitas so merciless, bro?” Hiding his secret relief, Raunak said, “Let us be patient.” Pehel frowned. “Really bro? Patience? Really? With this sickening life, where I need someone for every freaking task… you want me to be patient? And go on this way? You are not getting married. Mom dad are getting old. I will never be fine ever. I need you to come with me everywhere from the washroom to the doctor’s to everything. I need assistance to eat, sleep, sit.. And you want me to be patient? Bhai, I am serious. If Dignitas cannot offer me a dignified death, I will slash my wrists or eat 100 sleeping pills. My patience is over now. I am going to wait only for 22 days more. After 22 days, is the 500th day since my accident. I can only wait that long!” She stopped talking, silently staring at the waves at the beach, from far.

As Raunak pondered over what Pehel had just spoken, his Smartphone buzzed with a notification. It was a mail. Their prayers were disregarded by the almighty as well as Dignitas. The Swiss law seemed welcoming of Pehel. They offered their full support to Pehel, and had invited her to reach their clinic exactly after 22 days. It was ironical, and seemed like a cruel joke to Raunak. As he cried, Pehel stared at him and asked what it was. He could not talk, he handed her the phone. As she read the mail, tears of happiness rolled down Pehel’s eyes and wet her cheeks, and Raunak slumped into the beach sand. A few onlookers helped him gather himself. They strode back home a little after noon.

At home, the parents waited eagerly. As soon as they got home, the mother said, “What took you so long? We were worried. You did not even pick up our calls!” Raunak spoke nothing. He went into his room, straightaway. Pehel smiled radiantly at them, a rare occurrence these days. They helped her change, and come out for lunch. She announced at the lunch table that she wished to eat every meal with her family now that she was going to be with them for less than 3 weeks. As she announced this, Raunak cried some more. He seemed to have lost his appetite. His parents accompanied him in shedding tears, but Pehel reminded them they were being kind to her by agreeing to her wish. She thanked them profusely. She requested them not to cry but rejoice instead, for her death would mean sanity and normalcy in their lives.

Over the next few days, she took various promises from all of them, about not crying, about accompanying her to Dignitas, about getting Raunak married, and so on. She also advised her brother to start a small fund in her name and help terminally ill patients and those like her, who lived a hopeless and helpless life, to die in a dignified way.

With all this, finally the day of their departure drew close. It was just four days to go for her scheduled death. It was a sick irony for the parents and Raunak, but Pehel could not contain herself as she went on about a free life, and free soul, and how she would live forever in their hearts. She was as happy as one would be when they are celebrating an occasion. She joked that she was happiest now than she had been in her entire life itself. “Bro, I am happier now when life is almost over… than when I was living!”

They were at the airport. Raunak was pushing the wheelchair, when suddenly it skid, and Pehel toppled over, and fell to the ground. He felt terribly guilty and apologised to her, but she smiled, and said, “You’ve fulfilled all your responsibilities so well bro. I cannot ever complain. I am thankful to have had you in my life!” All these little farewell talks made breathing difficult for Raunak. He was choked. He could not talk without tears in his eyes.

After a long flight of 12 hours, since it wasn’t a direct flight, they had all been tired. They all rested. The next morning, Pehel had planned a tour of Zurich and Lucerne. That was a bit of travel too, but they had agreed upon it, without arguments. The family did not want to waste a single moment, and wanted to cherish and relish every living moment of Pehel’s. Pehel wanted to leave them with happy memories.

The day after the sightseeing, they all rested. Early next morning was her scheduled death. It was a simple procedure that would last less than an hour. Their time together was almost closing in. Pehel was mentally strong and prepared but her family still seemed offbeat about it.

As they reached the centre, Pehel looked at them with gratitude and handed them letters she had written. She warned them there were plenty of instructions and promises she had imposed on them. All three of them hugged her one by one, and cried their hearts out. After the hugs and crying stopped, Pehel requested them to allow her to go peacefully. With their nod, the centre’s officials handed her a glass of water with an anti emetic drug. She bid her loved ones bye, and within five minutes, she was in a state of deep sleep. She was alive still, for she breathed. Her family did not leave sight of her for a moment, as if hoping that she would wake up and laugh aloud about how she pulled a fast one on them all. Sometimes, just like now, Raunak hoped that the entire time period of her accident until now would disappear from their lives. His and the family’s thoughts were perturbed when an official walked in, and injected another dosage of the anti emetic, since it was a part of the procedure to re-inject it after 30-40 minutes.

With this injection, Pehel’s breathing became clumsier, shallower, and erratic. In her state of slumber, she lay calm, without any discomfort despite the difficult breathing pattern. In less than ten minutes after this, she slipped into the Never land, peacefully, smilingly.

As her breaths stopped sounding in that silent room, the three staring souls burst out in tears and loud sobs, hugging each other and crying at the mercilessness of nature. The only solace her death brought was her peace and smile at the end, and may be the fact that now she was in a better place, without pain or discomfort. Raunak felt a sense of fulfilment, as he thought about how he fulfilled his baby sister’s wish, as promised on every Raksha Bandhan.

Two years after Pehel’s death, Raunak married a sensitive girl who filled in for his losses in a great way. He started a fund in her name, and helped a lot of people medically. Three years later, he was blessed with a daughter whom he proudly named Pehel, and the wife offered complete understanding and cohesion with it. In fact, she fell in love with her husband, a little more after his decision.