A Love Letter, My Dear

This is a letter.

I must admit,

I hated you.

You made me feel powerless.

Wrapped around your finger,

I danced to your tunes.

Feeling like a puppet on a string

I had never felt so powerless before;

Should I stress about that? I wondered.

Or rather,

Unwind,

In the eerie silence of the roads?

It had never felt this empty before,

Nor had it felt so calm.

Is this supposed to feel like an escape?

Or am I just too weak,

To face life?

I ought to know.

Why?

Why did it feel like the world had gone

All topsy turvy?

No, that was only supposed to happen

In synthetic make-believe movies.

“will this ever be over?”

I ask myself over the raging storm in my head.

My sail seems to falter,

I drown and gasp for air.

Powerless, like life itself had been snatched away from its vessel.

How am I to live?

How am I to breathe?

I seem to have forgotten all the ways I could possibly exist.

Ever so suddenly,

I see a bright light peering in.

I could feel its warmth all over my chest.

And just when I thought nothing could help me,

It made me feel quite alright.

“Who are you?

What are you?

Why have you come to me?

I am unworthy of your attention.”

She seemed to smile.

What?

She’s just a golden ray of light.

And yet, I felt her consuming me.

I felt her warmth all over my abdomen,

Inching closer towards my forehead,

And to the tips of my toes.

Why do you make me feel so warm and fine, lady?

She only smiles.

I bathe in the warmth of her light.

Ever consuming, she sets me free.

I feel like I have something to hold onto.

Yes, I do!

I am alive.

I am breathing.

It doesn’t feel like a storm anymore.

I find solace in this calmingly chaotic world.

I only observe,

I see magnificent shades of color

Painted across the dusky sky.

So, I trap the scenery in a little box,

And add to my collection

of Memories That Haunt.

I only observe,

I see all that it does for me.

I view its imperfections as extraordinary constellations

Of its own vast night sky.

So, I thank the vessel that contains me and my storm.

I only observe,

I notice that she's been having a hard time.

Her darkest times feel like wounds I could

Tenderly stitch into healing.

So, I cure myself, like a destined angel

I only observe,

I see all that she ever did,

Her good and bad.

I embrace them like one.

She seems like the loveliest lady

So, I thank her for being me.

I only observe,

I hear her "if's" and "but's"

Does she realize

How stupid they sound?

She has but a short time

To live, to love, to laugh.

Oh, how limited, how confined

How restricted it is to be

Bound by shackles.

Oh, but darling, your mind

It runs along as free as the dove flying high above

In the sky.

This is not a letter of hate

It is rather of love,

A love letter, to you.

If you were a person,

I would not stab you;

I'd hug you;

Tighter and warmer than any embrace.

Because I love you.

2020, I love you.