I Can't Hate You

Trying to hate you is as wishful 

As trying to grieve the dead roots

Of a tree that wasn't destined to bloom

You, you sound like fake promises

And smell like burnt desires, and hurt

Like broken dreams and all I see

Is just an unending mist of what we are

And what we could be, still somehow

In your warped words I try to find hidden

Hope and wish to write the story of

Your reason to break us and as I

Feel myself breaking under you and

Breaking away from us , all I can still

Think about is the flash of hurt on you

When all left in me is remorse mingled

With guilt, a deadly potion of hurt

Brimming, swimming and spilling tears

All over me and spiralling me deep within.

You made me dance on the tune of

Your whims and fancies all alone

When I just wished to match our steps

To the whimsical tune of our heartbeat

In your caverns where I buried myself

And found us, you and me, pieces and

Hints all over of someone deep in me

So I can't hate you, just yet because

My stubborn heart once loved

And can't let go of you

Clinging and clawing all the way

For the last of you in me and in us

For me of all, this is a failed battle

A cry that won't reach you, a song you

Won't feel or hear just like our seeping

cracks.

For our places still remain the same

And distances still remain unchanged

Like an artist trying to destroy

The artwork he loved to existence

It will leave more marks than heal

It's because I see well under the veil

Of your flaws and catch the glimpse

Of the beautiful face of your ways

I see well under the cracking fire

Of the spite and feel the embers

Of your love and find the sparks

Of a wandering heart and a lost soul

So I can't bring myself to hate you

Because I see your shine even in your

Darkest sights and times of the night.

For If I hate you I just wound myself

Again and again till the pain grows

Untill my heart goes numb

The apology sits right on my lips

And I bite it down but still a yearning

To make this all right wrecks

My heart and courses through my veins

I have done this a lot of times I say

One more won't hurt me any more

But I know right then that is both

Right and wrong for me as you aren't

Going to fade away and my weak heart

Just prays for you to nurse me back

To kiss the pain far and away.

But reality soon rains, pouring and trickling

Down in my bones ,drenching my soul

And soaking my heart and yet I for one

Foolishly still hope for you to take a step,

Smoothen that harsh distance of ours

But I don't know whether the distance

Is far or are you and we both know

That we aren't going to make it

And as I watch you burn all the bridges

To me, and even in this burning I find

A cold shawl of indifference just enough

To cover a few scrapes, to last a few days

As my bleeding body can't walk through

The garden of thorns just to gain

The gentle red Rose of life in me again.

And as I still taste your love from our last kiss

At the tip of my tongue, burning and

Stinging through, I know that

This is the price that I pay

Happily and with a heavy heart

For entangling our hearts and souls

Till I see you in me and me in you

So today I find myself giving up on you

Me and us slowly and defeatedly

Just to find shards of you etched in me

As I, still for the love of God can't bring

Myself to hate you and there is nothing

More that I hate about you and us

But today I learn and unlearn for

I can't love you all over again.

So even though I can't say it today

That I hate you because a part of me 

Still loves you till this day, 

But one day not even a single part of me 

Will hate you and that's the day 

When it will all end.