I Hate You

With every cell in my body and every thought in my mind, I HATE you

You took control of my every move and my every idea

In a way that I never thought I'd let anyone take over

The reins

With every movie I watch and every song I listen to, I HATE you

You absorbed my mind in a way that everything I see and hear about I connect back to you

With every book I read and every photo I find, I HATE you

You made me hope that we would have a happily ever after

And that the people in the pictures would never hurt each other

With every night I lie awake and every morning I can't get up, I HATE you

You took over my nights and my days because now all I do is

Look for a reason to find peace in my dreams-turned-nightmares and purpose in my days

With every idea, I have to give us another chance, I HATE you

You let me keep trying and trying and then you say something

And do something different and my mind sees exactly what's going on

But my heart understands something completely different

And you put me at war with myself

With every emotion, I feel when you shut me down, I HATE you

You have me fighting for you and for us time and again

And you just don't even try because I'm doing it all

And I'm feeling it all—desperation and disappointment and pain and embarrassment

With every moment I waste hoping and every day I waste trying, I HATE you

You could never understand how intensely I feel for you

And how I will go above and beyond to have you feel the same for me

Even though I know you do feel something but it just doesn't match up

With every selfless thought and every selfish motive, I HATE you

You know and I know that we both tried

But who was truly the selfish one and who was truly the selfless one

Because no matter how much I thought I did for you

It was clearly that it was never what you wanted, that I was never what you wanted

With every second I spend still in love with you, I HATE you

You could never understand

Why that makes me hate you, love you