It Looms

It looms as I breathe in, it almost feels like I'm dreaming

I've stopped living on nostalgia and am left with a cold raw reality

Every memory turned bad and every thought turning my face a different shade of red

I'm embarrassed for an alternate me one that had not existed but one I've now created

Daydreaming I'm trembling, something is wrong the air hitched in my throat... I stay quite and smile

I know of course that this very smile will be one I over analyse

As I overexert myself just enough before bedtime that I can't sleep

What do you do if you can't sleep...you think

So I'm motionless with checklists and misinterpreted versions of events buzzing around my head 

No memory is safe as I turn each portrayal of me into just another enemy

it had been looming all day and finally my mind has been led astray.