Not her but him

sitting next to the college window 

he was staring at the clouds 

as they shed tears 

or was it his heart that really was 

those words he had said 

still hung in the air like fog 

the words he had said to her 

that, it wasn't working out 

a moment before 

he was walking holding her hand 

but felt nothing 

like the sun behind the clouds 

his heart wouldn't rush 

anymore at the sight of her 

left alone in his tears 

at the window 

every second seemed like an hour 

and in those hours 

in trying to find himself, he was lost 

scared and confused 

his heart had started to beat 

not for her but for him

but for the boy who had 

dreamt of holding her hand forever 

trying to accept himself 

was nearly impossible 

his feelings were dragged down 

by the societal chains

deserted , by his friends he was, 

for not being a man in any way

it was just him 

and his thoughts 

trying to keep each other sane 

he suppressed the screams in his head 

begging him to start being himself again

after several silent hours 

he gathered the courage 

to finally escape the shadow 

of his fake self 

that day he was assigned a seat 

in a blink of an eye his heart began beating

sitting at the other side 

was none than him 

it took him a moment 

and in that moment 

he was truly lost 

the sunlight fell on those hazel eyes 

looking back at the lover 

who had found himself alive 

but the sadness still consumed him 

at the thought that he could never have him 

he stepped down into his own world

he was tired of always 

seeing everything 

through the tears in his eyes 

as the days went by 

he found a friend in the guy who he loved 

a friend who understood everything 

about not being understood 

a friend who knew the feeling 

of being left alone 

it had been long 

since he had ever felt 

so safe talking to someone 

they had so much in common 

so much to share ,he had finally 

found someone who would really care

it was a Friday night 

the both went out for a drink

the Friday he had decided to 

trying to stop loving him 

for not wanting to lose 

the only friend he believed in 

too drunk to understand, 

he couldn't contain, 

he suddenly told his friend 

that he was gay 

the words hit him harder 

when he had heard himself say

but this time was different 

this friend didn't leave 

he held his hand tight 

telling him it was okay

he hugged him tight, 

whispering that, it was okay 

for the boy who had 

dreamt of holding her hand forever 

someone had accepted him so easily 

was just beautiful 

he let his feelings loose 

from the chains he had tied himself in 

his friend was supporting him 

for who he really was within 

they spent every moment they could 

together he kept loving him 

they watched sunsets 

drove endless roads 

and there they lay on the cool grass

staring at the stars 

It was Friday, the cool breeze mingled around 

when suddenly he felt his hand 

being held tight 

he whirled around and they both were kissing 

he teared up but this time it was different 

and his lover whispered in his ears 

"Will you be my boyfriend?..."