A New Beginning

It was a bright, sunny morning, and Sara's alarm rang aloud as the clock ticked 6. She turned off the alarm and was all set to start her day. As she fully came to her senses, she realized that it was not another ordinary day but a special one. She was both nervous and excited at the thought of it.

She woke up from the bed silently and headed to her favorite window-view spot in the kitchen. As she opened the window blinds and looked through the morning beauty of nature, she tried to convince herself that she shouldn't break down that day, no matter what. She then brewed her morning drink and cooked breakfast in no time.

It was time to awaken her sleeping toddler; after all, it was the first day of her toddler's preschool. She went to the room and stood at a distance, staring at her little one. Her awake husband, who was still lying on the bed, noticed her and made fun of her, saying, 'Flashbacks? Oh, please, not again. Get ready, both of you; we are running late'. She simply pulled off his bedsheet in an attempt to reply to his teasing and warned him not to mess up with her motherly emotions.

She then went near her toddler, Diya, and sat next to her. Unlike other days, Diya preferred to sleep longer than usual and didn't want to get out of bed. Sara tried all methods to awaken her in a happy mood and finally succeeded. The mom-daughter duo quickly got ready for the day, and they all left for school.

At school, Diya was impressed to see the colorful toys kept in her classroom. She began to play with them happily while Sara and her husband had a word with her class teacher. Once their conversation was over, they were about to leave the class. The teacher held Diya's hands and lifted her against her will. At that moment, Diya realized that her parents were not going to stay with her and began to scream aloud.

Sara left the classroom with a heavy heart, while her husband was well contained. They went to the car parking area and were still able to hear Diya's screams two floors down. Sara was absolutely helpless when she heard her daughter cry "I want to go to Mamma, please". Her husband convinced her, saying that it would become fine eventually, and they both went to their house.

At home, Sara sat down in a quiet place and tried hard not to break down. She gave numerous reasons and convinced herself that it was all bound to happen one day and that it was solely for Diya's good. But none of it worked. Her dam broke finally, and she cried for some time. Her husband, who went across that room, noticed her and said "Save some tears for your daughter's wedding too; don't exhaust everything now". Sara felt childish and silly about herself, while her husband motivated her by saying, "I know motherly emotions are complicated. In fact, it's something that I can never understand. Still, remember one thing. It's ok to cry, and it's absolutely ok to cry for silly things". Sara mocked her husband, saying, "Oh! So here is the great mahaan, lending free advice to help his wife. Thanks, but no thanks either. I'm fine". She then went ahead and continued her other chores.

She couldn't wait to pick up her little one that day and kept looking at the clock often, but it appeared to her as if the clock ticked deliberately slow.

It was finally noon, and Sara hurried to school to meet her toddler. At the school, the teacher conveyed that Diya had been constantly crying for the past four hours and refused to drink water or eat food. As well, she hadn't used the potty all the while. Diya was filled with mixed emotions of anger and sadness, and she broke down even more badly on seeing her mommy. Sara convinced her and took her back home.

This routine of the school continued for the next three days. Every day Sara dropped Diya off at school, both the mom and the toddler had their own breakdowns. Diya was gradually getting settled in school, and her intensity of sadness reduced as the days passed, whereas Sara was still stuck at the same point and was feeling hard every day. Weird, wasn't it? Sara sensed it too. The next time she cried, she really tried to understand what was making her cry.

The first apparent reason was that Diya was undergoing a challenging phase at school; things were new to her, and she needed some time to get accommodated there. Sara was helpless about it and couldn't do anything from her end to make Diya feel better.

The next obvious reason was that Sara was missing Diya at home. Sara gave birth to Diya during the Corona period, and they had both been with each other for minutes and seconds. They did all their chores together, right from cooking to bathing. And now that Diya had gone to school, Sara felt a little empty inside and out.

Sara felt that those worries would eventually get better with time and fade away on their own, so she didn't bother much about them. She knew that there was something else that was bothering her. Since the time Diya went to school, Sara had developed some insecurity within her. She didn't want to ignore it; rather, she wanted to work on it.

She headed out on a walk to a nearby residential park where she could converse with herself peacefully. She chose an open space with perfect aeration so she could remain open-minded and take in fresh thoughts. She sat on a comfortable bench where there was less crowd and began to jot down her thoughts. She questioned herself: "Why am I feeling insecure as Diya is becoming more and more independent? In fact, am I not supposed to be happy to witness her become self-sufficient?"

As she was thinking through it, she realized that, in some time, Diya would not need her indulgence in many things going forward. She would grow independent not just physically but mentally too. In this massive potential world of countless choices, Diya would learn to choose and make decisions for herself. While it was really a great thing to see her little one grow independent, it did hurt a bit when she realized that she wouldn't be as involved in Diya's world as much as before. And it was hard for her to visualize her daughter slowly moving out of her world and creating a brand new one for herself.

It dawned on her that it was not only a new beginning for Diya but for her too.

Her phone rang aloud, and it brought her to the present moment. It was her husband calling. She attended the call, and he asked, "You're nowhere to be seen around at home. Are you again at the park, sitting beneath the Bodhi tree, trying to get some wisdom? You often say, I'm logical, practical, etc. Why not come to me then?". She replied, 'Yes, I am at the park. For your information, wisdom comes from both logic and emotional experience". He immediately said, "Even perfect! So just come home. Let your emotional brain and my logical brain work together, and let's see if any wisdom blooms out'. She hung up the phone as she said, "Dare not! Only a bomb will blast out. Anyway, I'll come home in some time; carry on".

As the mild breeze swept the park, Sara promised that she would set herself free from her insecurities and let Diya grow independent so she could establish her own identity. She left the park with a light heart and began her journey to a new beginning.