Blows & Blues

Your equation of responsibility and relationship with yourself might have clashed.  A Muslim woman who takes off her purdah and steps out to fulfil her  goals might look like a sinner ,we aren't that orthodox or regressive.

Here the principles of hurt don't apply personally and religion has no profile to post. Similarly, when a person who can break rules for the higher good like for public interest should definitely do so since unless they are working towards the greater good they might not have realised their true potential. '_the marred woman was contemplating on her relationship with her husband.

"Getting treated so brutally... No, should I take his arrogant behaviour, I will to an extent not till he man-handles me and is impenitent!! "

I saw her plight and asked

" I guess you already survived a breakup and down the road what do see if you broke up again_do you have the courage and capability to get over another person ?"

"He started it ! How long will a person endure such tantrums?"

 Perhaps you need to talk about reconciliation to him without emphasising much about work . We are not going to have this discussion from your career or woman's growth perspective, Yes, you are a woman. You are in a country where values and traditions are given utmost importance. You can't run from them like this, " the woman interrupted the conversation

" I am in a different situation. He had no clues to what could have happened if I was hit a bit harder.I can't fit into their orthodox box nor could i let him walk over me.Had he treated me with respect I would not have ended up here.

It feels like i am walking on eggshells not expecting what havoc he'd let loose - break glasses , scorn his mother, belittle his brother ..take off his OFFICE HEAT as abuse on me.Nope.

I already had a concussion.

But what I want to stress here is my independence and my progress as a person.

Don't you think it would be shunted if I stayed with him and beyond all these the future of my children who are yet to be born if I conceive? Will they receive proper nurturing if I choose to go back? ", Counsellor broke the dialogue

," You are thinking very far, "

..." If I get embroiled in emotions- I ditch myself ; who knows what future lurks behind an uncertain decision. I am completely blank __"

Counsellor bleaker in her voice hurled the idea of convincing the girl's mom.

"But she has made up her mind that she wants not to bring words like hurt here and make a rational decision which will benefit her and her future. "

The so-called girlish - woman thanked the counselor and left the office.

In fact, it was not difficult to manage home and office both together if her husband supported her, she was determined to live a life of poverty and caring commitment. Money was not what mattered here.

Loyalty, dedication and caring nature, only these were the traits she looked up and admired in him.

She was struck with the blues.

She wouldn't talk to anybody.

She locked herself up in a room dejected.

"Why me ?",she bawled her heart out.

How impetuous?!

The miles and hours between them wasn't an issue,

She was wailing like a kid and didn't know what to do.

This was her second debacle.

She was getting into thoughts of beyond depression and ordered huge bulks of chicken delicacies, ghevras, dhokla, vadapav, and all the Carbohydrates to sublime her negative feelings and cravings of PMS.

"God! why don't you just give me a normal life"

She cried a river .

Little did she know it was important to break the rule when you are giving away too much of your identity to fulfill a relationship. It's good to be a submissive, devoted and nurturing partner but if you stop self-love and lack self-esteem what will you contribute to the relationship.

So she needs to get all that crying phase done and then rebuild herself - as a strong and independent woman.

Transformation is not new to her.

But keeping her fingers crossed she excitedly asked herself "What should I order next?" :)

2016:Diaries.

A year later she detoured again hoping his aggressive attitude would have come down

A month later taking the hitting ,dragging her with her hair, strangling her throat was what she took as memories back to home.She celebrated Diwali though this time with him.

Cruel was the fate ,god's must be crazy,

Her so called abusive husband returns on her babayi's death funeral.Forced by societal pressure,she moved in again but this time she escaped to a job to avoid him and the family drama altogether.For 2.5 months it worked.Same story repeated again.He went a few steps ahead and accused her of being arrogant as she was educated ;she just had a couple of post grads and he had no education.She tried to convince him.His male ego stood in the way.He trampled her under his foot and stomped on her chest for about 10 minutes.She concluded - this was a psycho with a husband's mask and she needed to get out of that place as soon as possible.But was longing for a child too.It was a hiatus...

One Thursday,in her own words " I wanted to have food and his mom and he were annoyed with each other.No breakfast."

She wanted to get some breakfast so went out to an eatery.

His abuses again .She went grocery shopping in the afternoon.By late night,he started banging her against doors & windows.She managed to lock herself up in a room & call the cops .She was definitely not wrong.This was a beast not a grownup arsehole of a man.Nor is this a fantasy land.

An year later after staying in PG hostels, and while working in a private job, she secured financial independence, became a government employee,not sure what life has in store for her.

But she had definitely escaped the bastard's meanness.The thing is society doesn't accept a woman as a complete person without a man.It wants the taam-zhaam & security for her. What if the person who is to protect her thrashes her to death? She understood, "No society will come to rescue you.You are your own responsibility.Fight for your future.",the counsellor sat aghast in horror and replied.

"Never go back .Apply for a divorce."the counsellor said.

Her relatives were appalled with this advice.

What should she have done ! 

Her conscience replied, "You are an awesome and a brave person dude,stood up in the face of adversity emerged a hero.Good for you."

An another type of adventure was awaiting her.Being the weirdest dark horse she is,

Will she regain her life ?

I am an utopian reader so I'd like to agree.Every human being deserves a normal life.

2018: Memoirs of a life unlike many struggling to be ordinary.