Last Recall Of Secondary High

Now that I think about it, what was going on back then irritates me because I was such a coward. Some might say I was shy, cause I still hear from a few people. Everyone used to look at me like I've learned some sort of spell because I'm a kindergarten student who is always praised. My friend's mother once told my friend that she should share seats with me. I'm not sure if I was her mate, but it was good to have her around. Now comes the surprising part: my grades began to drop, and everything and all began to drift apart. Since I was no longer a top student. Of course, they didn't say it on my face but now we don't talk anymore, we don't sit with each other, and we don't have lunch together, cause I was not allowed anymore to have their company. I made the decision to keep my distance

from them because I was tired of making up lame excuses like stomach ache to skip school. Years passed and I was no longer a good book teacher; in fact, I was the poor one because I didn't study any longer.

The most amusing thing is that I still have this stupid feeling of misery, and sometimes I don't understand what I'm thinking because it's all in the past, and we've all changed. I have some good friends, and it's not their fault that they abandoned me; they were simply listing to their parents, and every parent wants to see their child succeed. But that is not what I regret the most, nor am I angry about it. What irritates me the most is that I never stood up for myself. I'm a lot like the older version of myself, still. I am no longer the victim of bullying; the only thing that has changed over the years is that when I get lightly mocked I am able to tease them back in a polite manner. Yet hate the pity that everybody expresses. I wonder if this is why I despise weeping? If I had a choice, I would like to be free of all emotions. All the "what ifs" will be gone. Regarding all those people, they now refer to themselves as my best friends, but I couldn't help but wonder if they are really my friends now, or am I the one who hasn't moved on from the past?, or am I abandoning them because I have better people to call friends?. Maybe I am still the silly person, what else other than laughing at myself.