Letter to Mother

Today I'm happy more than ever in my life...

I had never imagined I could be this happy for someone else birthday.

It's my daughter's birthday today. She is seven years old now and it's her first birthday with me. I am so happy and grateful today that I can't stop the tears from falling down my eyes. But I don't want her to see me in tears. No matter what I can't explain to her yet why I'm like this. For her tears still means being sad. And I don't want her to feel that I'm low on her birthday.

After the COVID period ended I was in the worst phase of my life. In the past few months, my life had been turned upside down. I had lost almost everything.

Rakesh went back to Norway. He wanted me to come with him but I couldn't gather my courage and return with him. I was not ready to face any of it yet.

I knew it would impact my relationship with Rakesh a lot. But I was not in a position to deal with it. He went back and I decided to stay with my mother in law at their hometown. She is a principal at a local school. With my educational background, she offered me to be a temporary teacher at her school. At first, I was not comfortable as well as quite hesitant. But she was insisting so much and my therapist had also suggested to me it would be a good idea, especially with my condition it can be the turning point for me so I decided to join.

The first day was quite overwhelming for me. I was appointed as a classroom teacher for the kinder garden. There were very few students. People were still afraid to send their kids to school yet. I had only 12 students in my class. But 12 were more than enough. I was not at all able to keep them silent or make them corporate with me. For me, it would be the first and last day of doing this.

But at the end of the day, one particular girl caught my attention. She was the quietest one. She didn't utter even a single word throughout the day. But what impressed me was how she was able to help her fellow bench mate to calm down when I had given up. 

She gave me a reflection of Sara. My dearest daughter. And just because of her, I decided to continue.

Sara was my oldest daughter. I was her mother but in so many ways she used to make me feel like she is my mother. She was the most gentle, understanding, and empathic person I had ever seen in my life. We all used to call her Jr. Mother Teresa. And she was quite proud of it.

I got married quite early in my life. So I completed my master's and Ph.D. after Sara was born. At first, I used to give her all of my time but as I resumed my studies, the amount of time I would give her drastically decreased. But she never complained about it. She would take care of not only herself but also me.

Rakesh was out of the country most of the time. He wanted us to settle there as soon as possible. He wanted Sara to study there so he was trying all he could to make it possible.

And finally, we moved to Norway. At first, it was quite difficult for us, especially for me but eventually with the help and support of Sara it all got easy.

Just three months before the COVID outbreak I got pregnant. Rakesh and I were so happy but more than us Sara was happy. After Sara, I always wanted to have another baby but could not conceive for some medical reasons. But after 13 years of trial and error, it finally happened.

Since my pregnancy was confirmed Sara had started to prepare and decorate the room for her upcoming baby brother/ sister. She had already made me buy clothes enough for 3-4 years for the baby. I just couldn't say no to her.

After the COVID outbreak, things started to change. And it kept on getting severe day by day.

I was 6 months pregnant when I got diagnosed with Coronavirus. It was serious. I was immediately hospitalized. Rakesh and Sara also got quarantined.

I ended up losing my baby. It had a huge impact on me. I was not able to take the shock and ended up having a nervous breakdown. I was in the hospital for more than 4 months. In the beginning, I was not aware of anything around me but as I recovered I was quite surprised and upset that Sara hadn't contacted me even once. Rakesh and the doctors would always shush me with some excuses.

But eventually, I found out the truth. Sara had also passed away. After being quarantined she was also diagnosed with Coronavirus. And she was not able to survive.

I had lost everything.

It triggered my PTSD and depression.

I was continuously going through therapy and treatment eventually with time I got better but didn't heal completely. When things got better regarding the COVID situation we came back to India.

The more time I spent as a teacher the more I started to see Sara in that little girl. I used to share my tiffin with her more precisely I used to bring it for her especially. I don't want to make it obvious so I would bring chocolates and snacks for everyone.

One day I gave my students an assignment. To write a letter to their mother. I was quite excited about it.

The next day I received calls from the mothers of most of the students. Some even came to school with letters. Their happiness was unexplainable. But I didn't receive any response from Tara's mother I was quite disappointed about it.

After around three to four days I was cleaning up my bag and surprisingly I found a letter in it. It was from Tara.

At first, I was shocked. Then I thought maybe I had taken it by mistake with her notebook. Maybe that's why I didn't receive any response from her mother. I was so mad at my carelessness. I immediately found her guardian's number and called.

It was her Grandma. I was quite surprised. Then I told her the reason I had called her. Her response was shocking to me.

She told me Tara had written that letter to me. I just couldn't understand how this could be. Then she told me the whole story.

Tara's mother had passed away while giving birth to her. She was brought up by her father. Due to COVID he also passed away. No one else was there to look after her that's why she started to live with her Grandma. 

I just busted into tears. And I decided to adopt Tara as my daughter. At first only my mother-in-law supported my decision. But eventually, everyone agreed.

I was quite worried about Tara. I don't want to hurt her in any way. After all, she was the one to make the last call. I was afraid to even say anything or ask her opinion. But I had to so I went to her and before I could ask anything she called me

"MAA".

Now I had finally become the legitimate owner of the letter. So decided to open and read it. There were only two lines.

" Dear Ma'am,

Can I call you Maa? ''

                      The End