The Dreary-Eyed Doctor

 [There was a fire at the mansion of Dr. Roy on December 18th, 2082. Dr. Roy was a Nobel laureate and a famous scientist and researcher who first formulated converting kinetic energy into usable fuel. The fire took the life of Dr. Roy and burnt his laboratory, resulting in the destruction of many of his precious works. Among the debris, a diary was found almost burnt to a crisp, but however, two of the pages were miraculously intact like someone protected the two pages from fire. These two pages are given below. (Some of the lines were cut out or revised, due to the poor state of the paper.)]

I

August 31st,

Monday

This day marks my 80th birthday. Never thought I would be able to live this long, especially if I consider how I spent half of my years as a researcher for unfounded things. But I had to. I got many answers to the questions that remained adamant in my head for a long. I gained so much fame worldwide, so many awards, and popularity, and still, I don’t know if people care for me enough. They know right that I’m the person who gave the world the formula for using kinetic energy as fuel? They know right I’m the only person who saved them from extinction. They can’t live on a planet without oxygen. No, they can’t. It feels me with utmost joy that I gave them the perfect fuel to travel to TOI 700e, where you’re currently sitting and enjoying your evening with friends and family. IT WAS ME. Yes, me.

  I feel everybody knows well enough what I did, but that stare, oh good heavens, they stare at me. Not the respect one, as if they already know I did something terrible, as if they know I am not the guy I claim I am. Is it just me freaking? Or really, do they know what’s hiding in the light? My eyes, sunken deep inside the socket, dreary and tired of the days past and concerned about the days to come, they find no peace in the world lately, as if they don’t even want to enjoy the fame and popularity anymore. They just want to end this now, this silence that speaks over the noises. I heard they have nearly cracked the code and made that integrated circuit. The CIS-0093, the IC that can lead us to the future and past through the wormhole in the 5th dimension. I can’t wrap my head around it, but they insisted. They didn’t even bother to inform me that they made it, neither did they ask me to be a part of it. Bastards! They don’t know how to respect their elders! I, I am the reason you are all breathing, and you do not involve me? Well, I can make some arrangements to be the first man to travel through time. Yeah, I’ll do it, I WILL do it. I will become the man to travel back and forth in time. And I will again rise to fame! Oh, this feeling! This just makes my will to live again. And I had to go back also, right? Like, you know I had to return back in time to be me? I must do it.

II

December 17th,

Thursday

I did it! Finally. I had to do it right? I feel so light today. The burden, the duty that God gave me to do, I did it. Now there is no more reason for me to live, my works will become the reason for immortal fame, for I, the only scientist, I, traveled through time for the first time. I did everything that a person can do in life to become the most important man not for a while, no no no no, but for eternity. I formulated the conversion of kinetic energy to rocket fuel. But that I did in the past, right? Or was it yesterday, while time traveling? Huh. We’ll, I think I should write this down and preserve it for humankind to prove to them, THAT I WAS THE PERSON CHOSEN BY GOD, to do this.

    Ever heard of Glitch? Surely, but in real life? Probably you’ve watched many videos over the internet in your small brains wired with chips of old mobiles. But, let me tell you about a strange phenomenon. In 1941, a writer wrote about a paradox known as the Bootstrap Paradox, where an object, or a person, does not have a start, or creation in the timeline. It revolves and rotates around time. Well, yeah, I discovered that it was indeed true, but cannot publish it in the open world till now, you know, as my life depended on it.

   So, what happened? Well, it was 46 years ago. Even after 17 years of research on rocket science, types of fuel, and discovering more efficient ways of fuel production, all I ended up with was nothing. It was becoming frustrating, I was annoyed and slowly losing the will to research. I had no one with me, so it was me fighting with me. I just wished to end the suffering, and so I did. I tried to end the very existence of me, along with my research. I planned to burn down my entire laboratory, with me in it. I will just keep my diary alive, so that people will know I tried, right? But when I was just about to do it, I heard a knock. Disgusted that I couldn’t even die properly, I opened the door to discover a weird-looking old man, in a strange unknown dress or suit, standing with a helmet in hand. The man had very weird eyes, sunken deep into the sockets, looking dreary and tired from a long journey. I asked, naturally, who he was (If only I knew back then). I received no answer, but rather got a book from this old person titled “Conversion of Different Energies into Fuel: Escaping the Apocalypse.” Well, it was shocking, that a man already has a book on the very subject I was researching. After the guy left, I was shocked and stunned after opening the book. It was first published in 2044, and this is 2042. A printing mistake? Rather not as reprint dated way till 2074. What? How? I was getting a bit crazy back then. The thought of the existence of this book made me feel unwell. And then suddenly when I got my mind back, I closed the back and checked the back of it. Yes, the author was Dr. K Roy, me.

   You know how things went after that. I did not research anything; my laboratory is nearly empty with nothing but old utensils in it from then. I didn’t even bother to test the things mentioned in the book and just typed it back and sent it to the publishers. It took me 1 year nearly to write the book and after 8 months, it was published. In 2044.

    Now you know how I, a failure, a hungry person for just fame and name, wrote the book. Actually, I didn’t even write it myself. Or did I? Who wrote the book actually? Was it me? What if I never existed? Who would have written the book then? Would we ever have been able to come to this planet, would we ever be able to live? Humankind would’ve just stopped existing.

   Actually, I created two histories on December 17th then, I must say. I became the first person to travel through time and create a new era of living. And second, I created the Bootstrap Paradox.