Toxic Love

Chapter 3 - Sugar 

“Morrigan!…MORRIGAN! What in the blue hell is this?!” Mr. Martens hollered across the office as he came storming towards my cubicle. 

Mr. Martens was my boss at work. He was a very short-tempered, hairy-armed, and bald individual who always stormed around the office picking an employee to scream at. It used to be a guy named Stuart. I became the new favourite punching bag after replacing him a week ago. He never bothered to use my first name either. He addressed everyone by their last names for some reason. The hiring manager never mentioned to me that the boss would be breathing down my neck at every possible moment at work, making my work life a pain. Regardless I pushed myself to take it and move on. I needed the money and I wasn’t going to waste my time looking for a different place to work. Getting this one was already a huge challenge as it was. 

“These files are outdated! I need the ones for this month!” 

Mr. Martens’ face was deeply reddening in rage. I looked up from my computer and stared at him for a few seconds before responding. 

“Sorry sir. It’s just as instructed by the branch manager that I should complete the older files first. He was saying that-“ 

Before I could even finish speaking he cut me off and retorted. 

“Ah! Ah! ah! I don’t want to hear it. Just drop whatever it is you’re doing right now and get me the updated files by today.”

I sat in my seat quietly as I watched him storm off back to his office. I huffed and began to work on his request. I ended up being the last one to leave the office. 

Work was overall pretty shit and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to going home either. I’ve been with Lexi for a week now and consistently for 7 days straight I’ve had to walk into an unpleasant sight as I opened the door to get in. Most guys would probably get a kick out of coming home to girl like Lexi after such a long day at work. For me, the experience was always either awkward or unsightly. To put things into perspective I’ll just put it like this. On Monday I walked into her snorting coke off the coffee table. On Tuesday she was sprawled out on the couch stark naked and covered in a “blanket” of empty beer bottles. Wednesday she was letting some street punk fuck her over the dining table. She was on her back on top of the table while the guy was going wild on her like some sort of ravenous animal. So on and so forth. Stuff like this daily. I’ve had to set a rule for myself to NEVER use her tables for this reason. I couldn’t stomach the idea of accidentally contracting an STD in my mouth somewhere by eating meals off her table. 

After leaving the office I stepped into a bus and headed home. The only moment of peace I had to myself was actually on the bus on my way to work and back home. The bus was always pleasantly empty since I always returned home late at night. It was short but I always used that time to put in my earphones and just tune everything out. It was always the best 15 minutes in my day-to-day routine. To just lean my head against the bus’s cold metal interior, getting lost in a trance watching cars whiz by, and listening to Metallica. 

I played a game with myself trying to guess what

nasty surprise I would get today as I walked in. Honestly, she was so random it was hard to predict. I took a deep breath before unlocking the door to the apartment and walking in. 

To my surprise, today she wasn’t intoxicating herself with illegal drugs or banging some thug. 

Instead, she was out on her balcony leaning against the railing looking out at the city. 

It was a bit of an odd sight but I walked over to her and joined her, staring out at the lit-up city with her. 

She didn’t bother to look at me, but she spoke up. 

“Long day huh?…” 

I glanced at her and continued looking out at the city. 

“Uhh….yeah….long day….” 

Lexi tilted her head a bit, resting her chin on her hand as he gaze of the city remained unshifted. 

“Mm….I can see it on your face without even looking at ya.”

I huffed a little and rubbed at my temples a bit with my fingers. 

“My boss is an asshole…this is my 4th time being last to leave the office this week….” 

Lexi reached into her pocket and took out a box of cigarettes, holding one with her lips as she lit it up with a lighter. She took a deep inhale and let out a puff of smoke. 

“You know Cody… life is full of bullshit. You’re gonna burn yourself out if you don’t sweeten it up a little with some sugar.” 

“What are you on about?…” 

Lexi turned to me, momentarily holding her cigarette between her two fingers. 

“You know…the good stuff.” She grinned. 

“Oh no. Hell no. I not touching any of the stuff you’re smoking or snorting.” 

She laughed and shook her head. 

“Oh don’t be so square. I’m not talking about just coke…well…coke is nice…but sugar can be anything. It’s whatever makes you happy. Feel good…forget about life for a bit…You get me?” 

I broke my gaze off the city view and turned to her. Despite her regrettable practices, it is always a joy to see her. She was honestly that beautiful. It was the same type of dopamine one would feel from seeing a hot model in a magazine or something. I stared at her quietly for a moment. Honestly, I was a bit distracted by her outfit. She had an unbuttoned faded flannel on over her dark red bra. She didn’t bother wearing a shirt today. Her short denim shorts exposed her long milky legs. She had a beautiful tattoo of a black rose vine that started at the side of her left thigh and travelled up to her waist. 

I cleared my throat and nodded a bit. 

“Uhh…yeah…I get you…” 

She smoked her cigarette again before leaning in a bit and looking up at my eyes. She began to playfully fiddle with my tie. 

“Yeah?…then…help yourself to some sugar… you look like you need some.” 

I reddened from her being so flirtatiously close. I couldn’t help it. I did my best to compose myself and averted my eyes clearing my throat 

“Umm…sure…if you have any beer….then maybe I’ll have one.” 

Lexi laughed out loud holding her stomach. 

“Hahaahahah~~~” 

I stood there stunned, staring at her in confusion. 

“Wh-what?…what’s so funny?…why are you laughing?” 

She tossed her cigarette into an ashtray and shook her head giggling to herself. 

“You’re just ridiculously cute….that all. Hahaha~” 

I frowned a bit feeling like she was making fun of me. 

“If you don’t have any…I’ll just be heading to bed then.” 

“Oh relax honey. Beer is my blood. That’s something I’ll never be out of~” she replied as she as walked past me and into her kitchen. 

“Come on in. Let’s clink a few bottles and sugar it up.” 

I followed her in and sat on the couch. Her carefree energy was lethally contagious. I found myself smiling a little despite her teasing and the long day I had. 

Lexi sat next to me handing me a bottle of Budweiser and popping one open for herself. 

“Bottoms up.” She raised her bottle with a charming smile. 

I clinked bottles with her and took a long chug down. Instantly I felt the ice-cold beer wash away the day's worth of pent-up stress. It felt really good. Having a beer was nothing new to me but I guess it felt different this time around because I had someone to share it with. Beer had never tasted this sweet. The buzz felt addictive and I wished it wouldn’t go away. 

Lexi grinned as she saw my expression of relief and chugged her bottle down as well. 

I let out a soft sigh and sat back on the couch loosening my tie. 

Lexi looked over at me and tilted her head a bit. She was studying me. It seemed like she wanted to ask me something so I spoke up. 

“Yeah?….you have something you wanna say?” 

Lexi playfully rolled the rim of her beer bottle around her bottom lip as she crossed her legs. 

“This isn’t your first rodeo…huh?” 

“What are you talking about?” I asked back. 

She sipped her beer again and licked her lips. 

“I mean…you seem like a guy that’s had a life before this shit show you’re living right now.”

I sat up a bit and stared at her, slowly blinking in disbelief. I was surprised she saw right through me and somehow knew that. I never mentioned anything to her about my life previously. 

“Uhh…well…..”

Lexi scooted a bit closer to me and leaned in a bit feeling interested in a story. 

“You wanna talk about it?…

I sat quietly and spaced out for a bit. I was mentally debating with myself if I should share my life with her. I’m not the type to go around sharing my personal life with others. Especially with people who I knew or felt wouldn’t be in my life for a long time. But the situation felt different at this moment. Maybe it was the alcohol messing with my head. Not that I had a lot. I only had one bottle so far. Regardless just being with Lexi felt… comfortable. 

“You’re right…I’m starting things over and this is a turned leaf.” 

Lexi nodded and carefully listened as she sipped her beer again. 

“The truth is before all of this, I was living with my father. But he fell sick and passed away last year. I spent all of my earnings taking care of him and trying to help him get cured. But in the end, the illness was too much. I had a rough time taking care of myself for a while….for a large portion of my life, my father was the only person I could trust. We had a very strong relationship…to have him ripped away from me, put me in a depressed state of mind for a while…” 

Lexi stared at me silently, listening and fiddling quietly with her beer bottle. 

“I never knew my mother. But my father…he was always there for me. I grew up learning everything from him. Losing him hurt…”

I quietly stared at her floor going quiet now, gripping my beer bottle. The room filled with a long silence. 

Lexi put her bottle down and took out another cigarette, lighting up another and taking a smoke. She turned her head to the balcony, staring at the night sky. 

“You should be happy you had an opportunity to experience so many good moments with him then. Some…wouldn’t be able to relate to that. “ 

I looked up at Lexi and stared at her quietly. I was curious to know if she was trying to hint at something. 

“Yeah….I kinda came to that conclusion after a while…” 

She chuckled a bit softly and held the cigarette between her lips. 

“I envy you…wish my dad was a good dad…..” 

I remained silent and stared at her. I frowned a bit beginning to think that she probably didn’t have a good childhood. All her bad habits seemed to make a bit of sense now. 

Lexi didn’t bother facing me. She kept her eyes on the balcony taking another swig from her bottle. 

“All I ever knew my father for was that he was a tall piece of shit….He beat me…he molested me…he abandoned me……but I never let that destroy me. “ 

With widened eyes, I clenched my hands a bit. 

“Oh…wow….I’m so sorry to hear that….” 

Lexi shrugged and turned to meet my face again. She smiled carelessly as if none of the terrible things she endured even phased her. 

“Nah…no need to be sorry…I just happened to get a bad draw…but hey….props to you for picking yourself up. That’s respectable.” 

I awkwardly smiled a little at her. 

“What’s important now is…moving forward. Right?” 

I held up my bottle again. 

She smiled and clinked bottles with me again. 

“Exactly.” 

- To Be Continued -