The Love Beam

  

The love beam

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Radiant with positivity , beaming with hope, I watch over the self possessed moon. It  spills ivory white tranquility- in a smart contrast to the navy blue sky...so undisturbed, so loving, so gentle, and so much in harmony with itself. It appears to me as a a stoic- like someone   unperturbed by the worldly disturbances, I don't know why...?

Most of the time when it's not raining, as long as I want, I sit in my balcony.

The cool breeze near my window after a long day makes me close my eyes momentarily and smell the aroma of my garden blossoms. Every single thing seemed to be the manifestation of him,  yet he remains anonymous to the world. I steal a glance of the enticing moon and interprete it's lovely movements and the crescent phase drawing an arch. The gap between me and the moon gets sealed by the rapture inside. Time and again It hides behind the dusky cloud, then emerges stealthily with it's milky smile.

Nostalgia grips every corner of my brain. Emotion stirs my heart..I whisper to myself,

-I love you Sachin

 and Sachin whispers me back

-I love you too my love Sunita and I am always yours, remember you are precious !!

Sachin who was my mentor appears in front of me whenever I sit in isolation. His great wisdom has not only transformed my life but also gave me a power to look at life from a different perspective. Earlier I was living but since I met this good soul I found a purpose for living. In this delirious world he evoked an emotion which was incorruptible, virtuous and respectable.

Whenever I was in deep agony, I fantasized him and sensed a purity all around. I use to submerge in the depth of the endless ocean of love. I pour out all my heart's desire and confusion and wait for the sensible solution that he offers.

My mind mimicked him and I took all my decisions accordingly. The emotions which could not come out through my eyes use to come out in the form of ink. I quickly penned down my thoughts by squeezing myself out. I gave a vent to all my contemplation. Exhale my voice and express my suppressed intention.

To my astonishment, In no time I not only became a trusted writer but also became successful in my career and relationship. He lifted my spirit and I found a strange passion in chasing my dream.

But  sometimes grief engulfed me like the dark clouds swallow the moon in temporarily ...

A question haunts me down and I suffer like an eagle who recently lost it's wings.

-What about us.? How can I reunite with Sachin? 

I start to worry my head!! We were leading a perfect life and suddenly Covid snatched him away from me and ruined our marriage for ever!! Tears overwhelmed my eyes which was previously busy speculating a picture perfect future.

Struck by my present status as a lonely being, I open up my eyes and looked at the moon with apprehension....The moon often plays hide and seek. Sometimes in cloudy weather it fills my heart with disappointment when it disappears from the sky.

But it never leaves me alone. It appears in front of me again with a new shine at the dead end of the horizon promising for a new beginning.

So what Sachin' s earthly body is now merged with the five elements! Once I was his wife and still prefer to be called as his and only his widow. He is just not visible to all and not audible to anyone. But I find him in the captivating smile of the moon, when eveybody falls asleep, we talk our heart out. He embraces me and slowly I relax and fall asleep next to his broad chest as he whispers the music of eternal love into my ears softly and smoothly. We reunite every  single night and the next morning I 

detach myself from his sweet embrace and pursue my dream by parching myself under the sun and wait for the evening moon to cool me down and enlighten me with it's milky beam. Every night I wish it stays with me a little longer than the last time. Evey evening a penchant for the diamond glow  hypnotizes me from the sky... I named it 'the love beam'.

©Gargi Mishra