Chasing A High

My hands shake, 

 stomach aches, 

My mind breaks, 

as I think of all my mistakes.

 I m coming un-done, 

This side of the tracks 

are no longer much fun, 

I have only just begun 

But this shit might just

Eventually get me shunned. 

I could give a fuck or two,

 but I just ain't got none. 

I have fought my biggest demons 

But it seems as if they have won, 

I cannot seem to get myself out of this rut, 

And I even have a bad feeling deep inside of my gut. 

I often think about cutting ties to the world, 

So that I can simply just be alone inside of my head 

with the door locked shut, 

so that I could cry on the bathroom floor, 

Because I am sick of this internal war, 

It is a losing battle 

with the devil keeping score, and the dark thoughts 

are starting to get even harder to ignore,

So I am starting to wonder 

what the hell that I am   even fighting for? 

I mean, who even knows anymore. 

Every single day just feels like a chore. 

My dad told me to pray and to just ask god to try to show me the way... 

I tried,

I even confessed most of my sins 

I swore that I would never say, 

I also made a promise to try to obey, 

that was yesterday 

and today is just as fucked up as every other day. 

If anyone asked then I will not lie and say that I am okay, why try to deny 

the depression that I feel inside, 

l am just too numb to even cry, 

But yet I am also too scared to give up and die, 

I am beginning to think that my brain is completely fried... 

From way too many years

JUST CHASING A HIGH