Love Or Border

The sky looks bright orange and red. The glowing sun, a crisp circle in the bloody sky, descends below the horizon and tries to hide itself behind the far blue mountains. The evening swallows the afternoon slowly and the birds flying to their nest calls the evening. And the ripened wheat fields shines and swings with the gentle breeze. 

Daddy and I are back home from the wheat fields. I walk holding Dad's hand along the wheat field and playing with ripened wheat by other hand.

Dad says, "Karan, you know tomorrow is your birthday and you will be nine years old."

"Yes, Papa", I reply eagerly.

"Tomorrow your mom would be very happy. ", He Sighs.

I ask after walking few steps, "Papa, what my mom looked like! "

He halts . "She was very beautiful", he replies.(sighs)

"Papa, why did mom become a star? ", I ask.

"Because she wants that you can see her daily ", Dad replies.

"Will we also become a star? ", I ask.

"Yes, my son. Oneday.", Daddy replies.

"Do you know? What did your mom want you to be in your life? ", Daddy says after walking few steps.

"What? ", I ask being excited.

"She wanted you to become a soldier and serve for the country.", Dad says.

"Ohhhhhh! But what does a soldier do? ", I ask. (Eagerly)

"A soldier protects all the people of his country from the enemies. When you sleep at night in peace, he awakes at border to protect you. He lives for his country and dies for his country.", Papa replies.

"Is the country greater than anything? ", I ask.

He stops a while and looks at me. He laughs a little and takes me up to his shoulder and says, "Yes, my son."

17 YEARS LATER............

Mr. Singh switches on the TV. He changes the channel to see news.His finger stops on the remote. The lady in the news channel speaks out, "Good evening.You are watching Punjab News. It's 8 o'clock. It's a tragic day for India. Forty CRPF jawans have been killed and many others injured when terrorist targeted a convoy with a car bomb at Avantipura in Pulwama district of Kashmir. Terror group Jaise-e-mohammad has claimed responsibility for attack. India hits out at Pakistan after Pulwama terror attack. India has warned his army forces to stay alert and to increase security forces at border."

Meantime the phone is ringing. Mr. Singh stands up from his chair and picks up the call.

"Hello, Papa ." 

"Karan, are you alright?."

"Yes, Papa, I am fine."

"What I'm hearing in news . Forty soldiers died."

"Yes, it was a huge terror attack."

"What are you doing now?"

"Going to LOC, Papa"

"What! But why?"

"Papa, I did the call to tell you that my posting has taken place on the border of Kashmir and I am leaving right now."

"But you were going to come home in vacation."

"My vacation is cancelled due to emergency at border."

"But when will you come? It has been two years to see you !"

"Papa, Do you have remembered? You told, "A soldier lives for his country and dies for his country.""

"Yes, But?"

"Don't worry,Papa. I will come soon."

"Ok Papa, I am going now. I will talk to you later. Love you, Papa."

"Love you too."

"Jai Hind, Sir."

"Jai Hind . Did the Jeep arrive?"

"Yes, Sir . We have to leave now."

"Ok . Let's go."

Everyone sits in the jeep. The jeep starts. The head light of the jeep glows and goes like a straight line through the fog. The thick, hazy fog rolls in obscuring road in front of the jeep. Soothing cold wind blows . Jeep carves its way through the darkened tranquil night, dense forest and wild mountains. 

Karan breaks the silence and asks, "Manohar, how long it will take us to arrive."

"Around two and half hours, sir ."

"Karan sir, this letter is for you." 

Karan takes the letter and keeps it in his sweater.

"Jaswant, you were going to get married. What about it?"

"I am going to marry in February."

"Congratulations ! " 

"Thank you, Sir."

"Karan sir, do you know? Jaswant is marrying her love."

"What! Love marriage! Wow great! You are so lucky Jaswant."

"Jaswant, how you did it !"

"Sir, we were studying together in college. First she became my friend. Then we became best friends. Then I proposed her first, but she denied. "

"What happened then? "asks Karan eagerly.

"Sir, I am also a soldier. How do we lose in love if we don't give up in battle? It took two years to make her fall in love with me. And finally we are getting married."

"A soldier never gives up .", says Manohar.

Everyone smiles.......(hahahaha...)

"Karan sir, have you ever loved?"

"Yes, Manohar, I love Kashmir. I love it's mountains, rivers, snow falls, LOC, guns, bomb, tank and my uniform."

"Hahaha....Sir we also love these. Have you any girlfriend? "

"Hahaha....Yes I have. "

"Sir, how did you make her fall in love with you?"

"It's a long story, Jaswant."

"Sir we have two hours to reach at LOC. Please tell us about your love story."

"Please Sir, please, please."

"Ok, ok . I am telling."

It was love at first sight. I didn't believe in it. But when I met her, I was proved wrong.

Then I was in NDA, National Defence Academy, Khadakwasla Pune, Maharashtra. Where we were taught,"Service Before Self."Seva paramo dharma". Initially life at NDA was tough. Everything at sudden seems rude to you. You have to learn to take everything with a pinch of salt. You learn to take bath and change dress in less than ten minutes, eat breakfast and dinner in a few minutes. You have to walk to go even long distances and at somewhere you can use cycles to go. Sometimes you have to run to reach . You have to wake up at 3:30 am morning. Physical, educational and weapon training is carried out through out the day. During this training period every trainer will pretend to be rude, and this is just because they want to extract the best out of you. Here you become a man from a boy. It's very tough. But, the moment you realize that you Will be the protector of your country, it becomes a lot easier. I always cherish the memories for life at NDA. 

My life had become completely disciplined at NDA. And one day I met her and she came to my life to make me undisciplined.

Everyone smiles, "Hahahahaha..."

It was my last year at NDA and I came home in vacation. My best friend Manindar's elder sister was getting married. So I went to Amritsar where he lived . The next day Manindar and I went to Trillium shopping mall in Amritsar. We were choosing a jean pant for Manindar. Suddenly I smell an alluring perfume. The odor was so enticing that I can feel it now. I can't tell what the name of the perfume was because I didn't use perfume. My head turned back on it's own and I saw a girl was going. A tall girl wearing blue gown and having long bedazzling black hair walked away. I couldn't see her face, but I could listen to her mild voice and tinkling anklet . Her mellow voice was ringing in my ears like my favourite song and her tinkling anklet left a remark on my ears . I left Manindar there and followed her to see her face. I followed her everywhere . She went towards lift and I ran after her. She got into the lift. Before I reached at the lift, the lift closed and took her up . I ran up the stairs to the first floor. But the lift didn't halt there. Again I ran to the second floor. I saw her again from back. I followed her and I was seeing her again and again. I didn't get my eyes off. But this time her friend found me out . She doubted me and then they started walking faster. They went to the foot wear section. I also went to there, but suddenly they disappeared somewhere. I searched for her here and there, but couldn't find. I became sad and rebuked myself,"Idiot."

I lost the chance to see her face.

Meanwhile my phone rang. I picked up the call. 

"Hello ."

"Where are you? ", asked Manindar.

"On second floor", I replied.

"Come soon. What are you doing there? ", asked Manindar. 

"Nothing . I am coming.", I replied.

I came back to Manindar . But my eyes were looking for her. Ears were mad to listen to her tinkling anklets again and again. I looked here and there.

And suddenly once again I heard that tinkling anklet . My ears recognised her. I looked here and there to see her. Meanwhile Manindar called, "Karan ."And I looked back and my eyes got surprised. She was talking with Manindar. I saw her . My eyelids didn't blink and eyes stared at her. Tounge stuttered, "So cute."My heart whispered, "Love at first sight."Hanging clups touching her left cheek and her smiling red lips were heart stealing. Her innocent eyes with fluttering eyelashes increased my heartbeats. I could read the words they hold with them. Beauty of Kashmir will even lose in front of her. She looked at me and smiled before she left us.

"Who is she? ", I asked.

"She is my classmate", said Manindar.

"But why are you asking about her?", asked Manindar.

"Nothing ", I replied.

"Do you like her? ", Said Manindar.

I smiled.

Manindar understood everything. He smiled. 

I asked, "What's her name? "

"Shanaya ", he told.

"Shanaya. What a beautiful name ! ", I whispered.

I believe that without the help of a friend you can't get your love. Manindar helped me to meet her again and again.

The very next day, Manindar and I went to his college. Manindar went inside the college and told me to wait for Shanaya at the college gate. I sat on my bike and waited for her there. Many girls were passing by me, but my eyes only sought her eyes. I looked at my wrist watch again and again. Even two minutes felt like two hours. 

Shanaya came by her scooty after sometime . My heart started throbbing. I stood up from my bike and started looking at her without blinking my eyes. Her hair was dancing with the air. In light blue shirt and white salwar with white dupatta, she was looking adorable. Meanwhile again her friend sitting on her scooty found me out and told something in Shanaya's ear. Shanaya looked at me . I turned back quickly as I didn't look at her. They were smiling. 

Daily I waited for Shanaya at her college gate to see her once. She looked at me and gave me a heart stealing smile while passing by me. Perhaps I made a little place in her heart. And then I started to build a house in her heart. 

That day I waited at the college gate like everyday. Manindar came to me and told, "Congratulation bro! It's working. "

I asked, "What happened? "

"Today Shanaya was asking your name to me", told Manindar.

"What !, I surprised .

"Then Chemistry did its reaction ", I whispered myself.

20th, January 2013. I can never forget this date . It was the marriage day of Manindar's elder sister. Manindar also invited Shanaya to the marriage ceremony. That day I talked with Shanaya for the first time. 

Manindar introduced me with her. 

She laughed a little and said, "I know him."

I smiled back. 

Her friends, Manindar, Shanaya and I sat together around a table. Many funny jokes and conversation were going on. Intermittently I looked at Shanaya and smiled. She also smiled looking at me. We came more close that day. 

Meantime Manindar suggested us to open a WhatsApp group that's why everyone would share the photos of the wedding party in that group. Everyone agreed. So we opened a WhatsApp group and shared everyone's photos. And I remained in profit. I got Shanaya's mobile number from the WhatsApp group. 

I messaged to Shanaya on whatsapp sitting there. She saw my message and looked at me. But I hid my eyes to collide with her eyes. My heart was throbbing . "What will she think? Whether she will reply or not ! ", I thought. Finally my heart beats got normal when she started replying after sometime. We chatted for a long time that night. We started to know about each other. 

The whole night I was reading our conversations and thinking about her . Neither I could sleep nor her innocent eyes and moon like face let me sleep. I wanted to spend all my days and nights with her.

The very next morning I woke up but couldn't leave my bed. It was a winter morning and felt too cold. It was felt as if I had come to Kashmir. So I remained inside my warm blanket . I disconnected my mobile from the charger and turned on the internet. I checked my whatsapp messages . There was a "good morning" message from Shanaya. I became very happy. My blood started to flow rapidly. My sleepy eyes became larger . Sleep vanished from my eyes. 

I called, "Manindar, Manindar, wake up ."

"Let me sleep, Karan ", replied Manindar in his sleepy eyes.

"Shanaya has sent a good morning message . See it. Wake up . ", I told.

"She has sent a good morning message not an I love you message ", replied Manindar.

I hit a kick to him and he fell down from bed. 

He told, "what's gone dude."

"See it. Shanaya has sent a good morning message ", I showed my mobile to him.

"So what ! That's why you kicked me. Let me sleep ", he told astonishingly.

"It has been 9:00 am morning. She will be at college now. It's a hint bro. She wants to see me. Wake up. We will go to college . She will have waited for me. ", I told.

With great distress, he woke up from bed and we went to his college.

We arrived at college. Manindar went inside. And like everyday morning I waited for Shanaya at college gate to see her once. I was late that day . So she was inside the college. I waited for her until her classes were over. 

I sat on my bike . Again and again I looked at college whether she came or not. I didn't know when the time passed in waiting for her. After two hours she came by her scooty. 

I stood up and my eyes kept looking at her. She was looking at me and smiling. I couldn't stop my heart beating so faster. Suddenly her scooty stopped in front of me. I was surprised. 

She said, "Hiiiii "

"Hiiii ", I stuttered.

"Why did you come late today? ", she asked.

I astonished. What was going on. Everything seemed like a dream. I rubbed my eyes and looked again. She was in front of me. I became a stammerer.

"Hello . Why did you come late? ", she asked again.

"I was asleep ", I stammered.

"Don't come late from tomorrow ", she ordered.

Then she started her scooty and went.

I was shocked . I laughed a little . She also smiled looking back. I never delayed from that day. We often met there in every morning . I waited daily there sitting on my bike to see her once. It made my day complete.

28th January, 2013. I can never forget this date in my life. Like everyday morning I waited for Shanaya at the college gate. She came by her scooty and stopped at me. 

"Hiii . How are you?", she asked.

"Fine . And you? ", I asked.

"Fine ", she replied.

I asked, "I have to say something to you ."

"Ok, tell ", she replied.

I told, "No, not now. Meet me at Beant Singh park in the evening. I will tell you. " 

"Ok, I will come ", she replied.

The sun hid behind the floating clouds and the waiting of the evening ended. Stars started to twinkle in the evening sky and the moon took the place of the sun to rule over the night. The street lights met the evening and removed the darkness . Birds were chirping good evening song on the nearby trees with the blowing cold wind. An old couple holding each other's hand was on an evening walk showing their love . Finally a long wait ended and the day met the night. The evening united them .

I stood in front of the park under a tree. I looked at my wrist watch again and again. Time flew away . Heart counted every beats . Eyes searched for her. 

Finally she came by her scooty and stopped at me. My eyes got pleased . She wore a black and white gown . Her mild walking with a little smile caused my heart to skip a few beats. She owned the sweetest smile and gorgeous eyes in the world. 

"Hiii ", she said with a smiling face.

"Hiii "

"Sorry for the late "

"It's ok "

"Karan, you had to say something " 

"Yeah, but from where will I start, I don't know "

She laughed a little.

My feet trembled and hands couldn't be still. Heart beat rapidly. I couldn't even look at her eyes directly. I became dumb.

"Shanaya, please close your eyes "

"But why?"

"Please close your eyes . Otherwise I can't tell it."

"Ok jii ", she smiled.

She closed her eyes. I united some self confidence. "I LOVE YOU "seems to be three little words, yet most difficult one to say. I drew the rose from my pocket and knelt down on one knee and told, 

"I have met many girls in my life, but when I met you I started to see you in other girls. I have never felt like this for anyone. When I look into your eyes I see my world in them. I feel alone nowadays when you are not with me. My eyes look for you everywhere in your absence. When you are with me, I become very much happy. What's going on with me? I don't know. But it feels good . And I want this feeling for lifetime. I Love You. "

She opened her eyes. She smiled a lot. She looked very happy. She took the rose and hugged me tightly. She told that three magical words in my ear "I Love You ".

That evening we spent a long time together. We took three rounds of the circular road by her scooty . I sat back and she rode the scooty. It's the most memorable evening that awakes her memory in me in every evening. 

Everything was going good. My training at NDA completed and then I was posted at Srinagar, Jammu and Kashmir. Two years went away.

And then one day we met.

That day I was in duty. The winter evening was at it's utmost level. My whole body was shivering. I was thinking about our old memories that we spent together . The memories know the address of every street. I badly need her warm embrace. 

Meanwhile my phone rang. Phone displayed her name. It brought a pleasant smile on my face and gave a little warm to my body. I picked up the call. She was weeping. I scared . She didn't stop her crying.

I asked, "what happened? "

She told nothing. I was hurried. Her silence weeping scared me more.

"Tell me . What happened? ", I asked again.

"My parents has fixed my marriage ", she told.

I said, "I am coming soon. Don't worry. "

She told everything about us to her parents. Her parents knew about our love . But her parents didn't want to give her daughter's hand to a soldier. That's why they arranged her marriage with somebody else. 

The very next day I reached in Amritsar. I told Shanaya to come to that place where I proposed her. We decided to meet in the evening at the Beant Singh Park. I was awaiting her.

The evening sky had not it's moon. The clouds covered the twinkling stars. The birds didn't sing and the cold wind didn't blow. Perhaps the day was anger with the night. Everywhere seemed calm . As if it was the sign of the storm. Time flew away . My eyes sought her. 

Finally she came. She was frightened. I could read her scary eyes. They held a lot of secrets. She couldn't look at my eyes.

Her feet were not stable. And it brought me fear in my heart. I had a lot to say .

I asked, "what happened Shanaya."

She told nothing.

Again I asked, "Are you getting married? "

She was silent. Her silence replied everything.

I held her hand tightly and told, "come with me . We will run away and marry."

She was crying. She left my hand.

"Why Shanaya? Why you can't marry me?", I asked .

"Because my Dad doesn't want it ", she told breaking her silence.

"But why? ", I asked .

"Because my Dad fears that you are a soldier. Your life has no guarantee. You always remain at border . At any time anything can be happen to you. Everyday soldiers are dying at border. ", she replied.

"So what do you want? That's matter for me . ", I asked.

She told, "If you leave your job. My Dad will agree. We can marry if you want ."

I asked suprisingly, "What? "

"You want to remain a soldier or want to marry me. You have to choose between love and border. ", she replied.

"I can't live without you Shanaya. I love you so much. ", I told.

"I love you too Karan . But if you leave your job, then we can marry. Otherwise my Dad won't agree . ", she replied.

It was like tossing a coin. Head or tail. Her words were irony. My eyes were full of tears. They wanted to come out and wet my cheeks. But I stopped them.

My oath at NDA repeated in my ears "Seva paramo dharma". My heart was shivering . My tongue had no words to say.Either I had to remain a soldier forever or will resign from army and marry her and live happily.

But we the soldier never toss. We only trained to win not to lose. Before the love of country everything fades away.We take oath to bear true faith and allegiance to our motherland, even to the peril of our life .

By the way, we the soldier never give up in a battle. How can I lose in front of love? 

Again She asked, "Love or border? "

I replied, "Love for border "

Everyone in the Jeep is silent as calm as night . Karan dwells in the past. Jaswant breaks the silence and asked, "Then what happened, Karan Sir? " 

Karan gives a little smile and says,

"I let her go . Not everything you can hold in your life. By the way being a soldier is not so easy. You live for your country and die for your country.

That's why I told you Jaswant. You are very lucky that you are marrying your love. "

Jeep halts.

Everyone is silent. 

Karan breaks the silence and says, "get down soldiers. We have reached at LOC."

"Yes, Sir ", everyone responds.

A soldier marches towards Karan.

"Jay Hind, Sir ", the soldier salutes.

"Jay Hind " 

"Captain has told you to meet him as soon as possible " 

"Ok, I am coming "

Karan goes to Captain's bunker.

"Lieutenant Karan Veer Singh reporting, Sir"

      

         TO BE CONTINUED..................