THE IMAGINARY REALITY

“Stop…, don’t kill me. Please, no…, no...”, yelled Raunak dreadfully. He ran hastily as if someone was chasing him badly. He hurried and reached the terrace. “What have I done to you? Why are you after my life? Stop. Stop. Don’t come near. Stopppp…”, shouted the tense boy looking down, as he was standing at the edge of the roof of the seven-storeyed building. Listening to Raunak’s uproar, his parents rushed towards the terrace but they were late. Just standing at the gate they witnessed their son jump from the terrace helplessly. “RONY…, why?”, cried the ill-fated mother inconsolably.

NEARLY 8 MONTHS BEFORE THE INCIDENT

“His Grades are getting poorer day by day, Mr. Singh.”, complained the class teacher in the PTA meeting after seeing Raunak’s performance in the half-yearly examinations. While his parents bowed their heads in despair owing to Raunak’s marks, Raunak was engrossed in some different world looking towards the ceiling of the classroom. Mr. Singh placed his hands firmly on Raunak’s back to bring him back to the present. “You saw, Mrs. Singh, This is what your child does in every class. He just keeps looking at the ceiling, at the corridor, and at the trees outside, through the windows. He doesn’t concentrate in the classroom teaching at all. I am afraid, if this behavior continues, then your child would not be able to clear the boards with good marks.”, exclaimed the teacher. “No, no, mam, we will make him understand. I don’t know why he has become like this though everything was good until class 9. However, we will take care of this matter.”, assured Mrs. Singh. “That’s the concern. The boy who had never scored less than a 90% till class 9 has gotten down to 40%. Nevertheless, I hope you both would handle him well. Mr. Singh, please sign on the register.”, said the teacher worriedly.

“What’s the problem? Why aren’t you able to concentrate in the class? Are you unable to understand the classroom teaching?”, asked Mrs. Singh in a firm voice while they were returning home in their car. “No, Maa, nothing like that. When the class starts, I listen to the teacher with full concentration but then I don’t know what happens to me. Several unusual thoughts start running parallelly in my mind and I unwillingly get carried away to a different world unless a petty piece of chalk is thrown towards me to bring me back to reality.”, exclaimed Raunak. “Complete Nonsense. Stop it. The only thing that is lagging is some scolding and some good thrashing. Boards are dancing over the head and Prince Charming (pointing at Raunak) says he enters into a parallel world. TV and computer have ruined this child’s mind. You just wait.”, admonished Mr. Singh. There was a pin-drop silence in the car after this, with small pearl drops rolling down Raunak’s cheek without making the slightest sound.

As they reached home that day, the television and Wi-fi connection of the house was cut at once. Raunak’s father made a timetable for him to follow apart from the school hours, which had included 1 hour for getting fresh in the morning, breakfast and dinner, and 4 hours of sleep and rest devoted to studying. Even though so much was done, Raunak’s interest in studies was going on decreasing. He was unaware of the cause. “Why are all these happening to me? Why am I unable to concentrate on my studies?”, thought Raunak. He cried lying on his bed feeling helpless.

In those days, Raunak’s behavior had a drastic change. He had started isolating himself. “What has suddenly happened to Raunak? He doesn’t talk to us at all. Does he want to break the friendship?”, discussed his friends. Raunak started remaining secretive and gloomy always. He would lock himself in his room and not communicate with anyone in the house. His nights passed just lying on the bed and his mind entered into voracious thoughts. These all had made him sick and tired.

Time passed but Raunak’s grades didn’t improve even until the preboards. Everyone was afraid to think about his performance in the board examinations. Things were going on becoming difficult for Raunak. One day in a science class, the teacher made Raunak stand and asked him, “What is breathing?” Raunak stood and replied, “Ma’am, carbon dioxide process inhaling oxygen of exhaling breathing called.” The whole class laughed. “Class, stop laughing. Raunak, Is this a joke? This is what you will write in your paper. Now, get out of the class at once. Idiot, just wasting parents’ money.”, reprimanded the teacher loudly. Raunak couldn’t realize his mistake yet didn’t speak a word but rather moved out of the class. He sobbed continuously. Back home, that day he didn’t dare to speak about the incident to his parents. “Did I speak something wrong? Why did the teacher make me out of the class?” analyzed Raunak lying on the bed that night. “I must minimize my talking to people so that such incidents don’t get repeated.”, thought he in mind. “Correct. Talk less. That’s the way.”, giggled someone. Raunak was terrified. “Who, who is it?”, he interrogated. No one replied. He rotated his eyes across his room and looked through the window, he could see only dogs roaming in the street. He didn’t react much. He went back to bed but the barks of dogs didn’t let him sleep. He could hear various sounds. The vicious night passed with difficulty.

The next day as Raunak was sitting at the dining table to have breakfast, suddenly he started reacting looking towards the ground, “No Papa, don’t beat me. I will concentrate on my studies, I promise. Don’t beat me.” His parents who were sitting beside him were confused by this strange behavior of Raunak.” “Now, what is this new drama? When did I beat you”, criticized Mr. Singh. Raunak was very frightened. He didn’t speak and didn’t look into Mr. Singh’s eyes. He was going on crying. Mrs. Singh hugged him and exclaimed, ‘I think, he is not well. Let him not go to school today.” “You always fall into his trap. These all are his ways to bunk the school and you don’t understand. Do whatever you want, I am getting late for the office.”, said Mr. Singh. After his departure, Raunak went back to his room. He found his room covered with cobwebs. He was surprised as when he went for breakfast, apparently, they weren’t any. He sat on his chair and opened his book. 2 spiders fell on his shoulder. “Shoo, shoo.”, he moved his hands to remove them but they traveled onto his face. He was frightened. “Sssshhh… Sssshhh…, I am here.”, a melodious yet awful voice was heard. “Who?”, asked he, in a loud voice. No one responded. He roamed around the room and asked, “Anyone there? Who is it?”. Still, there was no response. Raunak was so frightened that he closed his eyes and lay on his bed. “Sssshhh…, Sssshhh…”, again the same voice was heard. As Raunak wide opened his eyes, he saw a boy standing near the room door, wearing a ragged and torn suit and having a knife in his hands. The boy had the most terrible face. He had no nose, no eyes, long ears like a rabbit, and a wide-opened mouth. The boy had a precarious laughter similar to a deadly demon. Raunak was petrified. “Who are you? I don’t know you.” The boy without telling anything started coming towards Raunak, the very next moment. “Help, help. Stop him. HELP PLEASE. MAA….”, screamed Raunak. 

Listening to the shout, Mrs. Singh ran toward Raunak’s room. When she opened the door, she saw Raunak sitting on the bed with folded limbs with his palms on his face. “What happened my child, why were you shouting?”, asked she, going near Raunak. Raunak hugged his mother and cried, “Maa, this boy (pointing towards a random direction) was about to kill me. He brought the dagger till here (pointing to his nose).” Mrs. Singh took a firm glance at the whole room and but she couldn’t find anyone. She rechecked every nook and corner of the room properly but still could not find a sign of any human apart from both of them. “There is no one my child. It must have been a nightmare. Don’t take tension.” “No Maa, there was someone, probably he escaped the room. I had seen him with my eyes near the door.”, said Raunak. “Probably you are much stressed. I have a lot of work to do. Don’t take so much tension.” As she was leaving the room, Raunak held her hands from back and said, “Don’t go Maa. Stay near me. I am frightened.” “Accha baba, you come with your books and copies to the dining. I would cook in the kitchen and you would read in the hall under my supervision.”, suggested Mrs. Singh. Raunak ran behind her as they locked the room from outside.

From that day onwards Raunak kept on seeing that horrific boy wherever he went. The boy followed Raunak like his shadow to the school, and market, and then back to his room again. In the initial days, Raunak panicked but later realized that the boy was only visible to him and no one believed him. That boy would every night try to attack Raunak by bringing his knife close to Raunak’s face but would never stab him. Raunak started seeing several other spooky things like large human size spiders who would bite him hard. He would first screech aloud in pain but whenever he would tell someone they would find no scar or bite mark in the area he would be pointing. Mrs. Singh was especially very much tensed over her son’s behavior though Mr. Singh was firm that it was all due to the fear in Raunak’s mind regarding the upcoming boards.

It all happened the same way every day until one day it crossed all the limits. Raunak was sitting on his bench having his tiffin in recess but all of a sudden, he ran towards a group of his classmates having their tiffin and attacked them. The Fight grew tense. When the teacher came in between to stop the fight, Raunak attacked the teacher also. Soon Mr. and Mrs. Singh were called. They reached the school at the fastest possible speed. Upon reaching, Mrs. Singh controlled Raunak. Upon asking about the behavior Raunak said, “Maa, that, that boy black with the knife, and these all (pointing to the teacher and group of students) are involved. They want to kill me. I have myself heard them talking with that devil, ‘We will finish him off. He is no good for the school. We will finish him off.’ If I would have not attacked them in defense, they would have killed me off today, Maa.” Telling this Raunak hugged his mother and cried aloud. “We have not done anything, ma’am. He was the one to attack us first. He is a bloody mental wretch (pointing at Raunak).”, said the fellow students to their teacher. Hearing this Raunak was more infuriated. He shouted, “No, I am not mental. I am not mad. You all think me a psycho but I am not. I am not.” Mrs. Singh interrupted, “Yes, yes you are not. Now calm down.” Mr. Singh pulled Raunak towards him and was about to slap him but Mrs. Singh stopped him by holding his hands. “I am astonished, Mrs. Singh. You are supporting your violent son. I am not taking this matter to the principal because there is a preparatory holiday for boards from tomorrow onwards but remember this matter would be taken up strictly after the boards are over. Take this idiot and handle him well.”, screamed the teacher as she went out of the class with heavy steps. Raunak was taken out of school by his parents. Mr. Singh was very angry. “I will not allow this boy to enter my house, mind it.”, quoth he. “First, we will take him to a good psychiatrist after reaching home.”, replied Mrs. Singh. “Maa, you also think, I am crazy? I am not. Whatever I am telling is truth and I am not making stories, as everyone around me is stating.”, exclaimed Raunak. “No, my child, who told you are mad? We will go to a friendly doctor. I know you can never lie. Now just stay silent.”, replied Mrs. Singh. Mrs. Singh explained everything that was going on to Mr. Singh after reaching home.

“Still, I feel, all this is due to stress and fear. Just see, once the exams are over all the signs would automatically vanish. There are just 5 days left for the boards, if we focus on all this now, when will he read?”, said Mr. Singh. “At least once, we must show him to a good psychiatrist.”, requested Mrs. Singh. “You know what people will tell if they come to know that we are taking our son to a psychiatrist. Still, if you tell, let us take him to the doctor tomorrow.”

That night, when Raunak slept with his parents. His parents slept early but he was still awake but with a closed eye. “Sssshhh…, Sssshhh… mental, mad, crazy, daft. Ha ha ha ha ha…”, gasped someone. Raunak opened his eye to see the boy standing at the opening of the gate. “I am not mental. Not, not mental.”, saying this he tried to close his eyes. “You are worthless. What’s the meaning of living such a meaningless life.”, said he. Raunak was afraid as he closed his eyes and hugged his mother tightly.

The very next day, the Singhs started for the hospital. They had fixed the appointment of Raunak with the renowned Psychiatrist of the city Dr. Sinha. Dr. Sinha examined Raunak and took him to his chamber. Initially, Raunak was very frightened. Dr. Sinha made him feel comfortable and asked him to describe everything that was going on with him in detail. Raunak felt warm with the doctor and uttered everything. “You know doctor, that wicked boy followed me even to the hospital. Now, he is treacherously laughing, sitting just behind you. See there (he pointed to the empty chair kept behind the doctor.)”, saying this Raunak frowned and hid his face. “Don’t get afraid, brave boy. Look at me. It is just a nightmare and not a reality. Don’t worry the evil boy won’t trouble you anymore. Now call your parents in and wait for some time outside.”, said the doctor. Raunak called parent Singhs to the chamber.

“He is suffering from schizophrenia. Already the condition has aggravated much. It would have been much better if the diagnosis would have been done earlier in the initial stage. He has started hallucinating severely and even getting delusions. It is harmful not only to him but also to the people in his surroundings. So, seeing his condition, I have decided to admit him to the hospital at least for 15-20 days until his condition becomes a bit better.”, expressed the doctor. “This is not possible doctor, he has board exams and he cannot afford to miss that.”, exclaimed Mr. Singh. “Now, I cannot help in that case. You may take your time to discuss and decide.”, said the doctor. Mr. and Mrs. Singh came out of the cabin. “Health is much more important than any exams. I think we ought to listen to the doctor.”, said Mrs. Singh. “The thing is not only about the exams, dear. If your child gets admitted to this hospital, you know how our society will react. They will call your child mental and give him different names. Once people will come to know that he has this mental disease, no school or college would admit him for further studies. You saw right, how he reacted when those students called him mental. Just think how will he react when all the people will call him the same. He would not be accepted at any place. Even we would have to face ugly comments from our friends and colleagues regarding our child. So, believe me. Let us take some medicines and not let the matter disclose to anyone. This is the best for us and our son. I am certain that all this will be solved to maximal level once the exams are over.”, explained Mr. Singh. “I think you are correct but still my mind has doubts. I want the best for my child.”, said a confused mother. “It is the best way.”, expressed Mr. Singh hugging Mrs. Singh. They presented their final decision in front of the doctor. The Doctor was apprehensive but he prescribed the best medicines and said, “It will take time to work owing to his condition. Do take special care of him. Always be with him.” The Singhs drove back to the house and kept their psychiatrist visit a secret from everyone.

From that day onwards, Raunak received exceptional love and care from his parents. They were always with him. Raunak’s medications were started but they worked sluggishly. His hallucinations and delusion amplified day by day. One day while he was called for breakfast, he overheard his parents whispering something unexpected, “Let poison his food. He is good for nothing. He is a mental and poor at studies.” He was just horrified hearing this. He didn’t take breakfast that day. From that day onwards, Raunak felt that his parents were trying to kill him as well. “Maa, you eat first then I will eat.”, he used to tell this every time in the dining hall. Whenever he was called to have the food, he would see a big bottle of poison kept at the center of the dining table. He started feeling unsafe even in his own house. He would hear unusual voices of sharpening knives, hooting owls, and a laughing lady throughout the day. It had all become unbearable for him. “No, mute it all.” he would shout by putting his hands over his ear. When his parents tried to calm him, he would push them away for fear that they might stab him. He would say, “Stay away from me. Don’t come near me.”

The night just before the 1st exam, Raunak said to his parents, “Tomorrow is my exam. You both sleep. I would prepare for the exams. I am completely okay. Don’t take tension.” Telling this he went to his room. He was afraid of sleeping near his parents. Parent Singhs didn’t agree at first but upon his continuous pestering, had to forcefully agree with him.

He had closed the door though not locked it. He switched on all the lights in the room and started reading. Suddenly, the surrounding started blurring until there was pitch darkness surrounding him. Books and the walls were not seen. He stood up but couldn’t walk. “They will kill you. They are coming to your room.” Raunak was shivering but he gained courage and spoke. “Go away, you cannot affect me today, bad boy. You are just a nightmare and not anything else. I am not afraid anymore. “The Boy shrieked and said, “I may be a nightmare but your parents, friends, and teachers aren’t. They would murder you. Before they do so, it’s better that we finish you off.” Raunak continuously chanted the name of God and said, “Go away, don’t come near.” This time, there wasn’t a single boy but 10 similar-looking boys in rags. Ten perilously demonic faces with a terrific laugh filled the room with horror. Everyone had a dagger in their hands. But wait, this time the face was much more recognizable. To an utter disgust of Raunak, all of them appeared as doppelgangers of him. Before he could get out of this shock and save himself, one of those malevolent beasts hastily ran towards him and stabbed him in the face. “Aahhh…, My face. Aahhh…”, shouted Raunak in pain. He could feel the pain. “Run, if you want to save yourselves.” Raunak panicked and ran with his full energy towards the terrace. His parents heard him shouting and ran upstairs. Seeing them, he panicked more. He reached the rooftop and ran towards the railings on the edge. “What have I done to you? Why are you after my life? Stop. Stop. Don’t come near. Stopppp…”, skreiched Raunak. Still, those devils continued towards him at full pace. Having been left with no option, Raunak jumped from the terrace. “Stop.”, shouted, Mrs. Singh but Alas! It was of no use.

The basement of the building was drenched with blood. Mr. Singh called the ambulance. Raunak was taken to the hospital but there was no hope. As expected, the doctors declared Raunak deceased owing to severe trauma to various body parts. Mr. and Mrs. Singh cried brokenheartedly placing their heads on each other’s shoulders, losing their only son. They heard some people talking. “Their child was mentally ill, isn’t it? That’s why he must have committed suicide. What a liability for the parents.”, said 2 women gossiping with each other passing nearby.

Mental health issues are still considered to be one of the greatest disgraces and taboos in our so-called progressive society. People are often afraid to talk about their mental health owing to the fear of being judged as weak and being secluded from society. Schizophrenia is a disease that has a lot of stigmas and inappropriate public representation associated with it. Often the family members of the affected, are ashamed of him/her pertaining to the illness. This often makes the person in misery, reluctant to ask for the necessary medical help.

Now, the time has come for us to break the walls of social taboos. Let’s discuss mental health in public. Don’t let anyone convince you not to get medical help regarding mental illnesses. Being mentally healthy is solely your choice and also your right. Stop thinking about the judgments of society. It is not worth it.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have a mental illness and still be mentally strong.

It’s absolutely OK to not be OKAY. 

You are STRONG

You are BRAVE

You are a WARRIOR.